Battle of Brisbane

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WARNING: Partial Bullshit

This article is based on the truth, but contains a fair amount of bullshit as well. The author felt that the truth about Battle of Brisbane was funny, but not quite funny enough to stand by itself. If you feel that there isn't enough bullshit here, feel free to shovel some in.  (And by bullshit, we mean funny stuff, not incoherent babbling.)

The flaming Christmas puddings are just out of shot to the left. Honest.


For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Battle of Brisbane.

The Battle of Brisbane is widely considered the most important event of World War II, where Australian troops mounted on flaming Christmas puddings and Australian made peanut butter jars utterly annihilated the Japanese invaders who threatened their home, along with the supporting America troops.

Beginnings[edit | edit source]

The battle began when the Japanese arrived in Moreton Bay on the November 26-27 1942, in search of a decent fish and chip shop, and a good whaling spot. The local troops who were quite busy getting drunk and chasing kangaroos in their puddings totally failed to notice the approaching menace. The American troops however, who busy sulking after being ejected from the local pub for being fucksticks did spot them and took to the skies in their newly refurbished pencil cases. After 90 hours of all out battle, one Australian beer glass was broken.

This was the last straw for the locals, who had been putting up with that "awful racket" for the duration of the battle, joined the battle. With rubber-band motors roaring like furious butterflies, the peanut butter jars led the attack with the puddings flying top cover. The battle was incredible, with not a single casualty on either side, until one of the puddings was keyed by one of the Japanese chefs.

The Australian Government, headed by Mark Latham then authorised the dropping of the incredible new weapon perfected by an Australian Government Squirrel: The Amanda Vanstone Eat'em All Monster. Within seconds, the entire Japanese fleet, along with most of the Americans were gone, sucked away into Amanda Vanstone's Stomach, where everything seemed to have a clock in it, including the major life form, a race odd sentient strawberries.

The energy needed to create this was drawn directly from hot air blown into a gas turbine by John Howard's lies, and inexplicably caused the utter destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. As a side effect, Hello Kitty was created, and swiftly destroyed by a volley from the Australian 653rd's blunderbuss, and a few rocks thrown by some kids.

Within the hour, Australian puddings circled over Tokyo, and Japanese landlord Ash Ketchum was forced to sign a peace agreement, and hand over his Alienware computer, electronic mouse and Razer special edition gaming keyboard which is used to this day to play pacman in prime minister's office at the Australian Federal Parliment house, Canberra.

Noted Australians at the battle[edit | edit source]

  • Nicholas Johnson (Sargent of the 653rd Bulnderbuss regiment)
  • Peter Mckinlay (Christmas pudding pilot, an ace with over 100 kills)
  • "Greg Carse" (unknown Victory student from Gympie (a massive hole if you didnt know)
  • MOOSE (an animal or pudding it depends how you look at it))

See Also[edit | edit source]