UnNews:Happy New Year 2018 from UnNews

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Monday, January 1, 2018

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Damn. Where has the year gone? Well, folks, it's that time again. No, not another Trump-Russia-Mueller bombshell, though there's plenty of those, too. A year highlighted by an orange clown holding the highest office in the land, celebrity deaths (but not to the same extent as 2016 or even the 2009 onslaught), wackos with guns, Republicans in Congress helping Trump destroy America, all your faves being accused of harassment or misconduct, "fake news" CNN, and those crooks on Faux News; a year whose biggest hit music includes the likes of Halsey, Ed Sheeran, The Chainsmokers, Beyoncé, DJ Khaled, Khalid (not the same person), Taylor Swift and a hyper-politically-conscious Katy Perry; a year that was crazy for me personally, has suddenly come to an end after 365 short days.

Where the hell has the time gone? I remember boycotting Trump's inauguration and being glued to CNN and MSNBC for the latest Russiagate scandals like it was yesterday. I remember getting excited about the long-lost Italian 35mm print of Suspiria and the Luciano Tovoli-supervised Synapse Blu-ray. I remember listening to the latest pop tunes on the radio. I remember everything before my big move like it was yesterday.

Anyway, I won't bore you with that shit. You probably don't know what the fuck Suspiria is anyway. Pfft. Basic American.

The year that caused millions of heart attacks, profuse sweating, endless nightmares, and lots of traffic to The Palmer Report (and to some extent, Uncyclopedia/UnNews) is over and a (hopefully better) new one is upon us. Here's to 2018!

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Should old acquaintance be forgot and... uhhh... laaa da da-da daaaa. Does anyone really know the words to that song, anyway?

Happy New Year from PF4Eva and the UnNews crew!

Sources[edit]

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.