UnNews:Beckham arrives and nobody cares

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15 July 2007

Rumour has it that this fellow plays football

LOS ANGELES, California - The Beckham family has finally arrived in America today and, apparently, nobody gives a damn. According to sources within the American football league, "This entire event has been extremely anti-climatic. We really expected Americans to go nuts over their arrival. Instead, there was nobody to meet them at the airport."

Dr. Jack Meoff, an expert in American culture at the University of Los Angeles gave us the following explanation. "Americans don't give a damn about soccer. We can't get excited about any sport which ends in a tie half the time. Besides, you had the World Cup here in 1994 and the stadiums were empty. Can't you people take a hint?"

UnNews polled a number of citizens on the street in Los Angeles and got the following reactions when asked about the Beckhams:

  • Los Angeles doesn't have a football team. The Rams moved to St Louis.
  • David Beckham? Isn't he some kind of metrosexual something or other? He'll fit in well in California. They all come here
  • Yo no entiendo nada lo que tu dices.

The Beckhams were actually nonchalant about their uneventful arrival. "I'm just glad to be out of Spain and somewhere where everyone speaks English", said David. "Besides, they're paying me a lot of money to do nothing. Would you pass that up?"

One Hollywood studio producer responded by saying that he could care less about the Beckhams like everyone else. "We really don't want him in the movies. No, really... We don't want him in the movies. I'm serious."

Always having the last word, Mrs. Beckham was asked what she wanted from her experience in America. She responded, "I'll tell you what I want. What I really, really want." She then contracted a mysterious case of the hiccups and said no more. Police have also filed charges against Mrs Beckwhore, claiming that she is that shit at singing, it is a public offence and also her face qualifies under anti-terrorism laws.

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