Indiana
Indiana | |
|---|---|
| Capital: | Lucas Oil Stadium |
| Government: | Democractic, but not of much concern to the people |
| State Flower: | Peony |
| Official Languages: | English, Spanish |
| State Bird: | Larry Bird |
| State Anthem: | "Small Town" |
| State Fish: | Largemouth Bass (but we think Bluegill is better) |
| State Motto: | "Who's yere, motherfuckas?" |
| Nickname: | The Crossroads State |
| Currency: | Dollars |
| Principal Imports: | Hispanics and Republicans |
| Principal Exports: | Methamphetamine, corn, and gay people |
| Climate: | Always varies. Climate's a bitch. |
| AKA: | The Land of Anti-gays and the Overly Conceited |
“I find it very corny.”
“Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois... aw, fuck.”
Wait... whats Indiana?
Indiana is a rather flat stretch of land full of basketball lovers that you may drive through on your way to another state. It usually is only visited when people hear there is actually a place worse than Illinois. There is also the southern hilly part, which remains forever alone and seen only by the locals. As a once-hotbed for Klan activity while also being good at basketball,
History[edit | edit source]
The State of Indiana was founded in 1985 when first Governor John Mellencamp released his award-winning album Too Much Apple Pie. Before this, Indiana had simply been known as "that place where that team that can't hang in the NBA plays". The song "Small Town", which glorifies illiteracy and laziness, started a shift in the general attitude of the American people regarding hillbillies, ultimately leading to Indiana's statehood.
Climate[edit | edit source]
There generally is no climate in the springtime. It might be 80 degrees one day, the next it's 25 degrees and snowing. Summers are living hell, which makes you feel like a popsicle and run to the nearest A/C unit. Autumns are beautiful, but goddamn, it passes quicker then Sonic when he has oe of those fast shoe power-ups. Winter is the season of agony, characterized by school cancellations and having to shovel the driveway. Driving conditions are usually better in the winter becuase the potholes are filled with snow.
People[edit | edit source]
Indiana residents are known as Hoosiers. We don't know why, but we fuckin' love it. Many Indiana residents are corn stalks. After an evening of discussions with Indiana humans, some people go out and stand in a corn field because they find that conversations with these tall, reedy Hoosiers is more stimulating. Asking anybody for directions to McDonalds? They will tell you how to get there. Being the friendliest human beings in America, they will be able to help out in a messy situation, even if they're black.
Transportation[edit | edit source]
Hoosiers usually travel by car, but there is also plenty of tractors, ATVs, and other four-wheelers that could cause a small jam on a flat-open road. It is very common to see small children and dogs on the backs of pickup trucks. Bicycling is not considered to be safe on the roads becuase road rage often ensues.
Cities[edit | edit source]
| City | Description |
|---|---|
| Indianapolis | Less than a million in population? WTF? |
| Fort Wayne | Easily forgotten northeastern neighbor |
| Evansville | Sticks out from the rest of the state in a redneck way |
| South Bend | Where the naming is completely ironic as it's in the north. |
| Bloomington | Only there just to serve Indiana University |
| Lafayette | Only there just to serve Purdue University |
| Muncie | Home of Ball State University, and a fat, orange cat |
| Terre Haute | Can you not say that correctly? |
| Gary | Chicago's lovechild that was surrendered to an orphanage |
| Anderson | Is also ugly, but at least it's better than Gary |
| Columbus | City with crazy architecture and a crazy vice president |
| Jasper | Heavenly utopia |
| French Lick | Can't say this without laughing your ass off |
| Kokomo | Home of the car and nothing else |
| Middlebury | Quite literally an Amish paradise |
Attractions[edit | edit source]
Believe it or not, there is stuff to see in Indiana, quit sticking your head in the corn and look. Head to Indianapolis, where you will find yourself with the homeless, an oval racetrack, and several museums that you don't care about. In the south, there is Holiday World and Splashin' Safari, which is what Hoosiers call "vacation".
Miscellaneous Facts and Trivia[edit | edit source]
- There is more than just corn in Indiana. There's soybeans, too.
- Yes, there is a college called Ball State University. Stop asking.
- In some places, you can see horse buggies parked at Menards (now closed). Who would've guessed?