China

中国共产党一党专政人民不可当家作主共和国 Zhōngguó Gòngchǎndǎng Yīdǎng Zhuānzhèng Rénmín Bùkkake Dāngjiā Rénmín Zuòzhǔ Gònghéguó People's Republic of China (PRC)
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Made In China"
Anthem: "March of the Volunteers", formerly "The Haunting Screams Of Conscripted Soldiers Being Ordered into Machine Gun Fire"
Capital	Beijing
Largest city	Shanghai
Official language(s)	Standard Chinklish
Government	All-Knowing
Chairman	Bruce Lee
Official Cuisine	Fried rice, rice porridge, rice pudding, rice dumplings, rice cake, Jerry Rice, rice wine, Rice-A-Roni, Tsing Tao Condoleezza Rice
National Hero(es)	Jackie Chan, Weiyi Yao, Sun Tzu, Guy who almost got ran over by a tank in Tiananmen Square, Pai Mei, Chun Li
Established	independence from God
Currency	Wal-Mart merchandise
Religion	World of Warcraft, Runescape, Counter-Strike, Starcraft
Population

“China isn't your friend. China is no one's friend”

~ Stephen Colbert on Why China doesnt like you

“Mr. Qín Shǐ Huáng, tear down this wall!”

~ Ronald Reagan on China

“Earthquakes and hurricanes aren't working boss.”

~ Angel Gabriel (head of population control) to God on China

“What happened to you, China? You used to be cool.”

~ Bart Simpson on China's lack of coolness.

NOTE- It is widely believe that China is the main production country in the world. THAT IS NOT TRUE!!!! The only thing China really exports for anybody are the "Made in China" Labels that are put on everything, thereby securing the myth that China is a production company and keeping all the little American buyers happy.

The "People's" "Republic" of "China" is a joke. (PRC; Simplified Chinese: 中国共产党一党专政人民不可当家作主共和国, Traditional Chinese: 中國共產黨領導多黨合作制下華夏人民不便當家作主的共和國; Hanyu Pinyin: Zhōngguó Gòngchǎndǎng Yīdǎng Zhuānzhèng Rénmín Bùkakke Dāngjiā Rénmín Zuòzhǔ Gònghéguó), a pivotal support mechanism for the United States retail industry, was the first place in the world created. China is known as "birthplace of everything". Everything was invented in China first, including the Television, Internet, Toilets, Paper, Cheese, Industrial Pollution, Bird Flu, SARS, Gunpowder, Astronauts, and Son of the Cheese. You name it, they invented it before anyone else.

Recent findings have suggested that China's size on maps has been greatly exagerated. Scientists have revealed that it is in fact no larger than Lithuania squatting on top of Estonia with a big grin on its face.

History

The first known emperor of China was Bob Wenis (aka Bob Web), an emperor notorious for saying that China is the best place in the world. As time passed, so too did interest in China.

It is also widely known (and just as widely covered up) that the Chinese colonized Canada. However, the entire Chinese branch of Canada was wiped out when the British seized Quebec (Tang-hang rang pang san ching-chung) just a couple weeks ago. The nasty Brits promptly demolished the tacky ceramic towers and the 600,000 Bhuddist temples. However, we can still see the mark that the Chinese left in Canada when visiting Toronto: the only city in the world where there are more Chinese restaurants than there are people.

However it was recently discovered that one of God's grandsons, Long Wang, lead China to greatness in the field of mass production of counterfeits.

Geography

China[1] equals the earth because the yellow God made it that way. It has the best weather in the world, especially the floods and typhoons and the rare earthquakes that kill about 50 million even though it was very weak.

And God says, let this empty space be filled with b*llsh*t (Yellow Bible pg. 1, God). Since my english teacher taught we should always usar quote, to pretending which we are smart. yellow god told yellows that they should have only 1 baby but to make him mad they had 50 each. crazy sh*t he taught we not utilizer Run-On; und standrad ingles, correcto spellingo, like i-pod do. So China has more population than the sum of all other animals in the country, which awes. China has some places like a lof of sands, or a lot of grassesass, and a lol of mountains, and also a lot of population which is a lot.

Demographics

It has been said only Nixon could do it, but you can too!

As of the census of 2007, there were 51,478,229,653,775 people, 14,609,874,589,226 households, and 21 families residing in China. The population density was 8,573,389/km² (22,204,975/mi²). The racial makeup of China was 138.72% Chinese (If they aren't Han Chinese, let's make them!), 890% undead monsters, 1337% nunchucks, 94.04% Communist, 1.23% Hong Kongese, 0.1% Minnesotan, 0.0000002% Uighurs (Turks who think they black, but they ain't), 0.00068% Falun Gong and -22.1% Capitalist, and 0.00006% from five or more races. 61.32% of the population were Bon Jovi fans of any race. There were so many people so most of the damn lot decided to imigrate to BC, Canada, and be the majority of the population.

There were 14,609,874,589,226 households out of which 14,609,874,589,210 had children under the age of 18 living with them, 14,609,874,589,212 were married couples living together, 2 had a female householder with no husband present, and 14 were non-families. 0.00000005% of all households were made up of individuals and 0.00% had someone living alone who was 65 years of age or older. The average household size was 37.89 and the average family size was 3.000001.

In China the population was spread out with 33.33% under the age of 18, 25.33% from 18 to 24, 4.34% from 25 to 44, 1.25% from 45 to 64, and 35.75% who were 65 years of age or older. The median age was 117 years. For every 100 females there were 489.53 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 26.23 males.

The median income for a household in the country was $693, and the median income for a family was $51. Males had a median income of $15,602 versus $0.04 for females. The per capita income for the country was $2.99. 102.85% of the population and 389.56% of families were below the poverty line. 491.25% of those under the age of 18 and 0.13% of those 65 and older were living below the poverty line. special food rations were given out to the repubic of china after the great hippo brother Extethior fed the world with pancake juices with run the line along Samuel L jacksons Plot to conquer china, but DEUS EX MACHINA occured.

File:Pic1222.jpg

Average male

File:1947 662559150 maggie new asian power zhangziyi 004 H131839 L.jpg

Average Female

People

If every person in China jumped at the same time, all homosexuals would become straight, and Hulk Hogan would be able to time travel. It has also been known to cause global earthquakes and scientists speculate that early China people may have had something to do with the Dinosaur extinction. The people of China to western eyes all appear to be the same (which is why the Chinese know each other as "The Thousand Thousand Same-Look People of Wise Virtue Who no Rikee"). This in fact is true, due to the highly advanced cloning technology invented secretely by Chinese in 32 BC. In Chinese language, to give birth and to manufacture is the same word 生产, and this was how Richard Nixon found this secret during his trip to China in 1972. Because all Chinese people look exactly the same, when they encounter someone who is not Chinese they tend to laugh hysterically, point and stare. Since the government forced all Chinese to learn English they will also shout "HARRO", or "Gook maoing" at foreigners. This phenomenon is known as the "HARRO factor" and can lead foreigners to suffer temporary insanity after some time in China.

It's a well known fact that the Chinese invented everything. The Chinese people are proudest however of four great inventions, which they call, "The Four Great Inventions of China." These are 1) gunpowder (which the Chinese stunningly put to use in fireworks to scare off evil human rights activists and Tibetans on New Year's Day) 2) the printing press (which they used to in turn invent bureaucracy) 3) the compass (which they used in determining if a building has good or bad feng shui) and last but not least, 4) McDonalds. In fact, the real name of McDonalds is not McDonalds at all but, as every Chinese will tell you, "麦当劳" (or Mai Dang Lao in Pinyin), roughly translated as "the wheat is toiling", which has been always misinterpreted as Madonna, who's body was once used for meat in the hamburgers there.

For some reason, Chinese people are addicted to computer games such as Warcraft 3, Counter-Strike and are obsessed with kung fu and money. Some spend entire lifetimes on MMORPGs neglecting basic necessities of life, eg. sex, drugs, noodles.

Foreign opinion on the Chinese population is generally good, though Chinese hate everybody, especially ghosts, people who live in the Republic of China (Taiwanese), and farmers near big cities. But the Russians feel that they are still stuck in the Stalinist Stage (comes right after the Anal Stage), so they feel superior. The Americans may now like them because they learned to love SUV's and pollution, but this is undetermined as no-one has deciphered the meaningless drivel yet, despite the discovery of the Roosevelt Stone in Southern Arkansas. The Japanese are never asked, and rightly so, because no-one speaking English would understand the answer. The English point of view is best summed up by the former rulers of the country, Monty Python, in the song 'I Like Chinese'

Babies

As we all know Chinese babies are mass produced in factories. At the age of 1 day they are put into World Of Warcraft training facilities for the next 1 hour. In the Hour spent they become expert gold farmers. From that they on they Farm for most of the rest of there lives (which is a span of 4 to 6 months due to the extensive time at the computer). The babies die due to eyes, usually, frying and/or melting along with the mechanically altered brain. The Chinese communist government has succeeded to cover all until now. Oh and don't worry, Gorge W. Bush knows, he just doesn't care because he is an extensive WOW player himself. On every famous baby known as Li Pan (not exceptional though due to his name being identical to one billion other Chinese people) was trained at age ten to play WoW and then left the game. He brought shame upon his country and was quoted in the local cualo newspaper tabloid as a "Mao betrayer". These day he has resurrected his limited skill as a World of Warcraft player and is also quoted as a "noob" who gets "Pawned" often. When Li Pan is seen in different parts of Europe, he is greeted with: "Hello, Chinese man", "Look, Li, It's your Mama's Niipele!" and many more. The player who said this is a French Kanadian Retard named Arneuad Vidricauresdfhwhatever. These facts are not supported by apparent evidence. The Chinese "woman," or so called woman, are very well known to be the most skinniest of the world, and if you know of any "woman" not included in this category; don't worry, wait till your bitch gets older, then you will know what we are talking about.

The Chinese are also known to eat their children if they have over the limit of one, which seems to be very often as they have the biggest population in the world. It also custom their to remove the genitilia and eat them raw before going on to consume the poor newborn after approxiamtely 4 hours in the oven at gas mark 5.

Economy

File:Chinese McDonalds.jpg

"Socialism with Chinese characteristics"

After the economic disaster of the Cultural Revolution, China began a tentative embrace capitalism much like an awkward teen clumsily feeling up his first girlfriend. Reformist Deng Xiaoping was misquoted as stating "It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice." In actuality he had said "Do whatever the hell you want, just try not to kill another 50 million people in the span of a few decades!"

Deng's advice worked. China opened its doors, and foreign investment poured into the country. China's economy took off and more people were lifted out poverty than in any other time in human history since the UN clerical error that caused the country of Mexico to briefly cease to exist in the summer of 1985.

Mao likes chicken.

Contrary of popular belief, Korea and the american Flag are the only things proven to be Made in China. The "Made In China" sticker can be found on everything such Airsoft Guns, Apple Pies, Toys, Toothbrushes, and American Flags.

Selling 'Made from smart people' products

Due to the robust Chinese economy, the gap between the super poor and the dirt poor is expanding. According to un-cited sources at Wikipedia, 80 percent of the Chinese will be only dirt poor, while 20 percent will remain super poor. This is a change from 1995 when 110 percent of Chinese were too poor for words. Crazy Libertarian nutjobs have questioned China's not-so-free market economy but continue to pass out from excessive boozing before they can make a point, so the Chinese warlords aren't concerned.

Censorship

China does not censor websites. Please, by all means visit whatever websites you would like. Also, we do not edit Uncyclopedia with propaganda. Fortunately China only censors wikipedia and all other anti china web pages. So, it's time for "Mao or no Mao"!

Neighbors

China's neighbors are a varied lot.

• Mongolia, Japan, North & South Korea, Vietnam, etc were all once part of China. This is evident because they all look the same and they all say "yokóhuā njèn chǎnghuǎnn zuòdǎng", or something sounding like it. They broke off during the 70's, when the gap between the super poor and ultra-super grew too wide to reconcile peacefully. The wage difference was almost 3 dollars (Zimbabwean; the currency's projected value in 2164) per-capita per year.
• India is China's only cool neighbor. India attracts a lot of Chinese, with its Hippie-like free-sex have-twenty-children attitude. Since all Indians hate Chinese, all Chinese immigrants call themselves Assamese and get away with it.
• Russia has a population-decline problem, and would love Chinese sex-addicts to repopulate it. However, it's cold weather and lack of Yellow-fever outbreaks make it uninhabitable for most Chinese-varieties. Those that survive then migrate to Mongolia for reasons that still confound scientists.

See Also

• Idiots
• Hong Kong
• Taiwan
• Chinese Toilet
• Phuc Yu
• Chinese Abortion Factories

Countries of Asia