Counter-Strike: Text-based version

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“Wut is teh Server IP??”

~ A Dude on Counter Strike
      Whoops! Maybe you should get a life. l?

Counter-Strike: Text-based version are not be to confused with fish.

No Wikipedia.png
Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Counter-Strike: Text-based version. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.

Counter-Strike: Console Version[edit]

Mushroomman146 creates PwnageServer

Mushroomman146 has joined PwnageServer

Mushroomman146: Hello anyone here?

OwnageMuffin has joined PwnageServer

OwnageMuffin: Hi.

Mushroomman146: Hey sup.

OwnageMuffin: Not much... hey wtf is up why r there no graphics?

Mushroomman146: Its text-based n00b... text-based CS.

OwnageMuffin: Wow i paid $50 for this? im leaving the game

OwnageMuffin is leaving PwnageServer

You cannot leave the game

OwnageMuffin: wtf??? why cannot i leave game?

Mushroomman146: lol i disabled it. its a mod.

OwnageMuffin: what? well ill turn off my comp u little shit

OwnageMuffin is turning off his computer.

You cannot turn off your computer.

OwnageMuffin: omg this sucks. let me leave server!

Mushroomman146: hehe i cannot :). not even i can leave.

OwnageMuffin: wow thats dumb. ill just unplug my comp

OwnageMuffin is unplugging his computer

OwnageMuffin has unplugged his computer. Computer has now resorted to battery power. Battery life remaining: 956 years

OwnageMuffin: OMFG!!! i didn't know my PC had battery power. and why does the battery last for 956 years?

Mushroomman146: try everything u like. u cannot leave!!

OwnageMuffin has begun to hit his computer with a large hammer

OwnageMuffin's computer is armor-plated. Not even a nuke can destroy it.

OwnageMuffin: omg this sucks... now the hammer's broken

OwnageMuffin attempts to run away from his computer.

The door is for some reason locked and the phone is disabled.

OwnageMuffin attempts to bash the door open with his broken hammer

The hammer is broken. It does not work on the door.

OwnageMuffin: why does everything i do appear on the screen?

Mushroomman146: lol i dunno. now lets play!!

OwnageMuffin: no! dude this is freaky. im gonna call the cops.

OwnageMuffin picks up his phone and dials 911

OwnageMuffin's phone has been disabled somehow. He cannot call anyone

OwnageMuffin: fuck! wtf is going on?

Mushroomman146: lol now we can play CS text-based version for 956 years!!!

OwnageMuffin: ok fine. theres nothing else in my room that'll help me pass the time.

Mushroomman146: I eat poop for breakfast. Please eat my shit. PLEASE YOU ASSHOLE

Mushroomman146 has joined the counter-terrorist team

OwnageMuffin has joined the terrorist team

Mushroomman146 has bought Five-Seven and secondary ammo

OwnageMuffin has bought Desert Eagle and secondary ammo

OwnageMuffin: ok how do u play this... i hav no idea.

Mushroomman146: lol im not gonna tell u... i like winning :D


Mushroomman146: lol im not gonna tell u... i like winning :D


Bom has Ben Planted

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: what? omg tell me how to play

Mushroomman146: its like normal CS controls except u cannot see anything

Round 2 started

OwnageMuffin: omg how can u move around and shit if u cannot see anything?

Mushroomman146: lol i dunno

Mushroomman146 has bought MP5 and primary ammo

OwnageMuffin attempts to buy AK-47 and primary ammo

OwnageMuffin cannot afford this

OwnageMuffin: what?

Mushroomman146: lol u cannot afford it

OwnageMuffin: but it says its $3000. i hav like $4000

Mushroomman146: lol i turned on another mod. only CTs can buy weapons now :)

OwnageMuffin: omg u cheating noob

Mushroomman146 has killed OwnageMuffin with headshot from MP5

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: omg this sucks im gonna try and kill myself now

Mushroomman146: but ur already dead

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin no in rl u idiot

OwnageMuffin attempts to hit himself on the head with the broken hammer

The hammer is broken. It does not kill OwnageMuffin

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: this is seriously freaky dude. how can it tell what im saying?

Mushroomman146: lol i dunno.

OwnageMuffin bashes his head into his armor-plated computer

The computer is not armor-plated and does not kill OwnageMuffin

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: omg yes! the comp isn't armored anymore!

OwnageMuffin kicks his computer

OwnageMuffin's computer is armor-plated. It does not get damaged.

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: ok...

OwnageMuffin bashes his head into his armor-plated computer

The computer is not armor-plated and does not kill OwnageMuffin

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: wtf is up with this?

OwnageMuffin kicks his computer

OwnageMuffin's computer is armor-plated. It does not get damaged.

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: this is seriously fucking weird man

Mushroomman146: lol who cares. im gonna change map

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: what map? u cannot see anything.

Mushroomman146: lol yes u can omg

Mushroomman146 has changed map

Map loaded

OwnageMuffin: what map is this?

Mushroomman146: de_dust

OwnageMuffin: lol it hasn't changed. all i can see is a white background with words on my screen

Mushroomman146 has joined the counter-terrorist team

Mushroomman146 has bought M4A1 and primary ammo

OwnageMuffin has joined the terrorist team

OwnageMuffin attempts to buy AK-47 and primary ammo

OwnageMuffin does not have enough money

Mushroomman146: remember?

OwnageMuffin: oh yeh of course U CHEATING NOOB

OwnageMuffin: this sucks

Mushroomman146 kills OwnageMuffin with headshot from M4A1

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: omg how do u keep getting headshots if u cannot see anything?

Mushroomman146: coz im good at this game lol

Round 2 started

xCeamyx has joined the game

xCreamyx: hey guys

OwnageMuffin: omg dont join!! now u cannot leave for like 900 years

Mushroomman146: 956 years lol

OwnageMuffin: thanks thats helpful

xCreamyx: hey Mushroom

Mushroomman146: oh hey creamy i remember u from that game we played last century

xCreamyx: lol yeh that lasted like a millenium

xCreamyx: i didn't know that horse powered comps could last so long lmao

OwnageMuffin: u guys r weird plz let me leave i wanna die!!!

xCreamyx has joined the counter-terrorist team

xCreamyx has bought Steyr AUG and primary ammo

OwnageMuffin: omg thats not fair put him on my team coz i suck at this

xCreamyx kills OwnageMuffin with headshot from Steyr AUG

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: omg this really fucking sucks

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: wait... ill only live for like 70 or 80 years more... so i wont be here for the whole game!!! w00t!! w00t!!

xCreamyx: lol mushroom i read yesterday in the newspaper that if u spend ur whole life on the comp u can live for up to 1000 years... thats how we lived through that last 1000-year long game

Mushroomman146: hey thats cool

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

478 years later...

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: ok well thats the 5 trillionth time uve killed me i think

Mushroomman146: nope the 7,898,554,243,957th time

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: right

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: fuck im growing a beard!!!

xCreamyx: hey guys its my 2109th birthday today

Mushroomman146: happy birthday creamy man

xCreamyx: thanks

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: FUCK U!!!!!

Starting round 7,898,554,243,958

Mushroomman146 kills OwnageMuffin with headshot with Arctic Warfare Magnum

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: omg plz let me die

xCreamyx: nice shot mushroom

Mushroomman146: thx man

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: FUCK U!!!!!

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: omg... how many years hav passed ive lost count

Mushroomman146: 478

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: wow almost over!!

Mushroomman146: nope u said ur comps battery life was 956 years so we're halfway

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: omg HALFWAY

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

xCreamyx: wow ownage hav u got one of those battery-powered PCs?

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: i had no idea it was battery-powered... and why has no1 joined the game since 2006?

MoonMan87 has joined the game

MoonMan87: wassup guys and happy new year 2484!!!

Mushroomman146: hey thx moonman

xCreamyx: ya happy new year to u to mate

Starting round 7,898,554,243,959

MoonMan87 has joined the counter-terrorist team

MoonMan87 has bought pump-action shotgun and primary ammo

OwnageMuffin: omg join my team!!!

MoonMan87: na sry muffin all us guys here on the moon base like CT team better :)

OwnageMuffin: moon base?

OwnageMuffin: wow this is getting wierder by the second

xCreamyx: IM A DONKEY

OwnageMuffin: ok thats it

OwnageMuffin: spam

OwnageMuffin: spam

OwnageMuffin: spam

OwnageMuffin: spam

OwnageMuffin: spam

OwnageMuffin: spam

MoonMan87 kills OwnageMuffin with heashot from pump-action shotgun

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: grrr

Another 478 years later...

MoonMan87: happy new year 2962!!!

xCreamyx: woot

Mushroomman87: yay

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: FUCK U

Mushroomman87: hey ownage the games over

xCreamyx: aw

MoonMan87: that was fun

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: YES!!!!

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: IM FREE!!!

Mushroomman146: hey ownage to thank u for joining my game ive sent u a present over my teleporter

OwnageMuffin: teleporter wtf...

Mushroomman has sent OwnageMuffin a gun through his teleporter

Gun appears in front of OwnageMuffin

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: tyvm TYVM wooot!!!

-DEAD- OwnageMuffin: goodbye u no-lifing little shits!!!!

OwnageMuffin has shot himself

OwnageMuffin is dead

Mushroomman146: glad he liked my present

MoonMan87: now hes dead tho lol

xCreamyx: heh he wanted to die

Mushroomman146: yah

MoonMan87: hey that was a sweet game what say we hav another one

Mushroomman146: awesome ill set the kill limit to 1,000,000,000,000,000 this time :)

xCreamyx: heh i love this game

Mushroomman146: u no he could hav just got off the computer

xCreamyx: whatev man lets play

Diablo9000 has joined the game

Diablo9000: hi guyz im pretty pro

xCreamyx: join the terrorists lol and get owned

Mushroomman146: yoz

Moonman87: halo i am 1401 years old

Diablo9000 has joined the terrorist team

Diablo9000 bought a katana

Mushroomman146: wtf?? im the host and i dun allow swords

Diablo9000: free open-source software yo

xCreamyx: wtf? our version is v0.124184444, urs?

Diablo9000: v0.124184445 haha anyone can mod weapons

Moonman87: omfg l33t.

Diablo9000: no this is more l33t...

Diablo9000TheClone1 has joined the game

Diablo9000TheClone1 has joined the terrorist team

Diablo9000TheClone1 has bought a ninja-star

Diablo9000TheClone2 has joined the game

Diablo9000TheClone2 has joined the terrorist team

Diablo9000TheClone2 has bought a dynamite

Diablo9000TheClone3 has joined the game

Diablo9000TheClone3 has joined the terrorist team

Diablo9000TheClone3 has bought a AK-01-handgun

Diablo9000TheClone4 has joined the game

Diablo9000TheClone4 has joined the terrorist team

Diablo9000TheClone4 has bought a tree

Another 478 years later

Diablo9000TheClone286800177 has joined the game

Diablo9000TheClone286800177 has joined the terrorist team

Diablo9000TheClone286800177 has bought a rock

Diablo9000: shyt no more memory lets get the game started

Mushroomman146: hah noob i can handle way more than that

xCreamyx: omfg 1337 hax wtfbbq imba

MoonMan87: i am 1879 years old

Terrorists win

Diablo9000: yay

Terrorists win

Mushroomman146: wtf? i only pressed B

Terrorists win

xCreamyx: stop i 1 2 type something

Terrorists win

Diablo9000: bah no kick im leaving

Diablo9000 has left the game

Diablo9000TheClone1 has left the game

Diablo9000TheClone2 has left the game

Diablo9000TheClone3 has left the game

Diablo9000TheClone4 has left the game

again, 478 years later

Diablo9000TheClone286800177 has left the game

MoonMan87: hey lag lag ohhh im 2279 years old

MoonMan87: ah look a cheese on my comp!!!

*dies*

Lead_pumper12 has joined the game

Lead_pumper12: wait, oh shit o FUCK i remember what this game does!!!

Lead_pumper12 is trying to leave the room

You cannot leave the room

Lead_pumper12: ossie (And whoever added "Ossie is") is gay Gay GAY!!!!!

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Lead_pumper12 spawned explosive barrel

Server Crash


this was extremely boring