Walter The Dog
| |
|---|---|
 A photograph of Walter taken by Walter | |
| Born |
|
| Residence | Anywhere he may roam |
| Occupation | Roaming the universe to cure boredom |
| Known for | Annihilating worlds |
Walter The Dog is a primordial paranormal male bull terrier. He is the most powerful being in existence, but on this simple plane of existence, he is so bored and innocent that if he were to destroy a universe or wipe out a species it would either be an accident, or because someone told him to do it.
About Walter[edit | edit source]
Formation of The Universe[edit | edit source]
When Walter witnessed the creation of the universe, he embarked on a search for interesting things. After eons of searching, Walter tired, and he realized he had to let life evolve. Walter slept until sentient life appeared across the universe, awakening and enlightening the universe to his existence after vaporizing millions of galaxies and clusters, creating the Boötes void.
Walter is a sempiternal being, having always existed in time. He has no known weaknesses, so his continued eternal existence is almost absolutely assured.
Personal life[edit | edit source]
Walter has no known family, or creator. His acts are fueled primarily by boredom and a need for entertainment.
Walter was once tasked with delivering a message to a Wikipediaholic and thus needed to harvest enough energy to transcend the Wikipediaholic into a sufficiently high plane of existence to speak to him intelligently. Walter's true nature in higher planes is yet unknown, and though his behavior in higher states is contradictory to his nature on lower planes such as humanity's, it is theorized that Walter has manifestations of himself acting as universal constants. What this really means is I had to come up with an explanation for this discrepancy, and I'm exactly as pleased with it as you are.
Like most other ultra-powerful legendary creatures, Walter amassed a cult the span of the observable universe. How could such a wonderous, ultra destructive deity that is also a bull terrier named Walter not inevitably be greeted with the prompt; "we could make a religion out of this". The different districts of these cults unanimously attempt to draw Walter's attention, but disagree on the means to successfully entice him and bring about the destruction of their planets.
Abilities[edit | edit source]
Walter is the most powerful being in the universe. The extent of his powers is not yet known, however. He can live without sustenance, teleport and fly at limitless speeds, spontaneously combust, shoot weaponry, and create tools of mass destruction the likes of which never created before, shoot deadly lasers from any point on his body-- and likely anywhere at all-- turn things into stone, vaporize planets instantly, make any specific element or item disappear from existence altogether, resurrect and create life, instantly alter the nature of elements and other chemical makeup, summon and conceive various lifeforms, create any item he wants, destroy all of reality, and travel universes. He cannot perish, and due to his presumptive lack of weaknesses, likely never will. It is thought that Walter is able to time travel, but simply does not as he presumably does not understand special relativity.
With how much death and destruction Walter brings to wherever he visits, it was first thought that Walter was very unintelligent, as evidenced by his attempts to eat Tide Pods. However, since Walter is believed to be a vessel for a higher power, which may also just be himself, it is widely believed by scholars that his goals are simply beyond human understanding.
Walter has been observed to not be omnipotent, as he apparently does not have any foresight of future events. Instead, he must find or experience things specifically, even if he has ultimate power over everything. Using this line of thinking, a civilization can obscure their existence from Walter by turning their planet into a brown and tan camouflage design.
The Russo-York Annihilation of 2020[edit | edit source]
In 2020, Walter visited Earth and landed in Ohio. When Walter became bored of Ohio relatively quickly, he went on to New York, New York, where Walter presumably found the scenery more interesting. There, people on the street pet him, unaware of his destructive capacity. While Walter was eating trash off the street, he travelled to Times Square and upon entering, spontaneously combusted, apparently dissatisfied with the taste of the trash and overstimulated by the crowd and large advertisements. The event became national news, and the President of United States viewed Twitter to see what was happening. The president, after being convinced the event was not an AI deepfake, immediately issued an emergency broadcast declaring a national state of emergency, instructing people to seek refuge in bunkers, and in areas where such is not possible, hide in a bathtub. The President did not immediately release intel on Walter to other nations, but when Russia received the intel first, Vladimir Putin's immediate response was to summon Walter and then attack him, which went against the advice of the the President, who simply sought to let Walter destroy itself and the nation. For the Russians, summoning Walter proved difficult until a Russian official suggested they attract him with dog treats and blow several dog whistles. The effort was successful, and Walter appeared in the Russian wilderness, in search of the treats and affection.
Using their fleet of drones, Russia located Walter. The Russian military immediately deployed every conceivable weapon they possessed onto his location, swarming Walter with incomprehensible destruction on their own for about 7 minutes, unrestricted by international treaties, having previously discussed doing the same to the United States until they remembered what mutually assured destruction was. However, this engagement only annoyed Walter, as he responded in kind by vaporizing all of Russia from existence, save for the treats and 3 other dogs. At this point, the death toll had instantly exceeded 16 million in a matter of 30 minutes. As a result of Russia's sudden annihilation, the Earth's orbit was slightly impacted, and all of humanity was destined to hide in bunkers until Walter left. Fortunately, this response bored Walter, and he left the blue dot.
[edit | edit source]
I quietly observed as the stray bull terrier sat on my porch. I took a photo, and It smiled at me and walked away, and disappeared out of my view. That was too quick for a dog to run. I didn't even see a blur... oh well.
I sat back down and thought to myself as I watched the morning news in our area. My dog laid by my side, breathing softly and sound asleep. I myself almost fell asleep, until a broadcast aired suddenly. On-screen was Donald Trump, speaking of something supernatural.
And it was then I felt the aftershock of what had happened.
The rumble from the explosion echoed throughout the world, and it was because of something humanity had never seen before. "Something bombed Times Square in New York, New York, and it has no plans to stop." The President said, concerned. "Please seek out shelter, dispose of all dog treats, and avoid whistling." He warned. A text-to-speech voice then interrupted the interruption and spoke. "This message will repeat itself until the anomaly subdues." Followed by the national anthem, and Trump continued to repeat himself again and again.
I quickly decided that I should probably heed this warning, and I woke up my dog and put them in the kennel. I went to the dog food container and sealed it with tape after depositing all dog treats I owned inside.
The mysterious broadcast continued with its usual ominous tone, but this rerun was a variation. It clearly established the threat, and it was now that my dog began to whimper.
The culprit of this chaos was a dog by the name of Walter, and it was a bull terrier.
Aftermath
The rumbling was finally over.
I let my dog out of the kennel and let them outside. I walked outside with my dog and pulled out my phone, where I looked at the news for the first time in ten minutes.
Paranormal Dog "Walter" Murders 15 Million People, Deletes Russia
I took my dog back inside and turned on the TV.
The headline read "Crowdsourced Program Created, Only Two Images Of Walter Thus Far"
And it was then I knew what I was going to do.