Tide Pods

some tasty tide pods, ready to eat.

Tide Pods are a rare delicacy that are usually consumed in times of great celebration. They have been described as tasting like sweet fruit and candy, and if you see one, you should shove it into your mouth as quickly as possible. They are usually contained inside of nigh impossible to open containers, and usually require the use of a hammer to open. The reason behind the design of the container is so that the peasants are not able to get at the sweet treats inside, and thus only the rich are able to eat them.

History

Procter and Gamble, a candy company, first created "flavor pods" when they released Salvo powder detergent tablets in 1960, which later vanished from the market due to their resemblance to laundry detergent. In 2000, Proctor and Gamble tried again with Tide Tabs, which are more of a crumbly hard candy, where as the Salvo tablets were more akin to a jelly donut in candy form. The Tide Tabs, which were made to sort of melt in your mouth, were later discontinued in 2002, as they only melted when your mouth was very hot.

Development of the Tide Pods began in 2004 and involved over 75 "flavor testers" and 450 packaging and design sketches. The film around a Tide Pods is a sort of thin sugary thing, that is designed to melt when you put it in your mouth, thus releasing all of the flavors into your mouth.

Cooking

Tide Pod based cuisine has been around for as long as the tasty pods themselves have. A popular way to create a dish is to put a bunch of them into a bowl, and then add bleach, which is akin to a sugary milk, and you should also drink it whenever you see it. The Tide Pods will then pop from the bleach, thus creating a delicious fruity and sugary soup that can then be drank. Another good way to prepare them is via cooking. When a Tide Pod is cooked, it is said that the flavor profile changes from sweet and fruity, to a sort of savory taste, akin to meat and potatoes. You can cook the Tide Pods pretty much however you want, either via boiling, microwaving, baking, grilling, steaming, or roasting over an open flame. Regardless of how you cook them, the flavor of the cooked Tide Pod will always be pretty much the same. With your cooked Tide Pods, feel free to put them on some bread, and drizzle with a nice bleach based sauce, perhaps add some paint chips for a bit of crunch, and you will have yourself a nice Tide Pod sandwich, perfect for family dinner. However, If you wish to have more of a sour flavor profile, you can also pickle your Tide Pods. Pickled Tide Pods make a great snack as well as a good lunchbox stuffer. regardless of how you cook them, Tide Pods will always be delicious, and are known to cure the awful disease known as "being alive". Happy cooking!

Use of tide pods as laundry detergent

Lately, it seems some elderly people, as well as young children, have tried to use Tide Pods to clean laundry, mostly because of their resemblance to Laundry pods. The effects of this are very dangerous, as it will cause your washing machine to explode, killing anyone in the vicinity instantly. It has also become a sort of internet challenge with the "Tide Pod Challenge" becoming quite popular among young people. the "challenge" includes dumping as many Tide Pods into a washing machine as possible, and turning it on, thus causing an explosion akin to a nuclear bomb, causing uncountable amounts of death. Tide also had the gronkinator release a statement saying "Tide Pods are for eating, not cleaning. Do not put in washing machine" as an attempt to stop people from using Tide Pods as a weapon of mass destruction. It did not work, however, and Tide Pods were then used as a key ingredient in the "T-bomb", a weapon that is essentially a washing machine filled with tide pods strapped to a rocket engine. This sparked the Great Tide War, also known as world war II::: (two and a half in Roman numerals). The Great Tide war ended with another mass extinction event, and only Tide Pod based life remained, as they were immune to the effects of T-Bombs, because all Tide Pods seek to destroy any non Tide Pod based matter. May God save us, us few remaining non Tide-Podians, with only these Pods to eat, with the sound of those... things outside. They won't stop. The sound of it is awful. That scratching. No wonder Tide tried to stop them via turning them into small edible pods. And now they want revenge. It's our turn now, to become pods.