User:The Number-One ALF Fan/The Book of Revolution

	And it was said by LENIN unto the people: "This UnBook hath been written by a кoммциіѕт."
	And the people did answer unto LENIN: "In the land of the children of Soviet Яussia, template doth add THOU!!"

After the abdication of the tsar and the creation of the Soviet Union, the ruling Bolsheviks, true to their Marxist doctrine, began mercilessly persecuting religious believers. There were even dedicated organizations set up for this purpose, such as the Militant Godless. With time, roughly half of the Soviet Union's population became atheist.

This created a large gap in society, as many people began to wonder about their past and fill in the void left by the lack of a god. The Communist Party of the Soviet Union, feeling threatened by this renewed interest in religion, published their own religious text in response, named the Book of Revolution. This text was loosely based on the Christian Bible, and was taught to schoolchildren in Sunday classes accordingly.

Despite being the third-most published piece of Communist literature after Marx's Communist Manifesto and Quotations from Chairman Mao Zedong, only two English copies remain in existence, both being in the possession of the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C. As a public service, the full text of the Book of Revolution has been posted below by the Smithsonian Institution. It is hoped that this will give the American public and the rest of the English-speaking world a fuller grasp of the reality of life in the Soviet Union.

Chapter 1

¹ This is the Revolution of our Saviour, Vladimir LENIN, describing events which have transpired to rise our Union to its current glory.

² Blessed is he who reads of these sacred pages and learns of the glorious battles fought in the name of the tribes of the Bolsheviks.

³ Behold, for this is the truth of the Glorious Revolution of our people.

⁴ It hath been revealed to all believers by the Holy Church of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.

⁵ May this opiate be spread to all the masses in the hopes that they may know and believe.

Chapter 2

¹ In the beginning, there was darkness. The ruler of the darkness was called Tsar by the tribes of Russia.

² And the Russians were exploited by the Tsar.

³ They were made to work in the oppressed fields, to labour in his dark mills, to slave in his unsanitary factories.

⁴ But, for all their labour, the Russians were never rewarded with more than a damp earthen grave when they had no longer any use for the Tsar.

⁵ Their cries for help fell on deaf ears, for the Tsar had brokered agreements with the other nations, from Europe and Asia to the ends of the earth.

⁶ And so the other nations, who had befriended the Tsar, remained oblivious of the plight of the people of Russia.

⁷ And the children of Russia continued to toil, always holding onto the hope that, one day, a Saviour would come unto them.