User:TD
Recognition!
On the 7th of July in the 2006th year of our lord, My user page was VANDALISED! (insert maniacal laughter here) The contents were as follows:
http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User:TD&oldid=905708
86.138.253.195, I thank you for your opinions of my heartless deletionist attitude. I'm actually a really nice guy, I'm just picky with Uncyclopedia articles! At any rate, I feel like my life has been made complete! I really can't thank you all enough. I can't tell you how much this means to me. Nothing gives me a Saturday Stiffy like the discovery that I've pissed off some random passer-by.
Also, 86.138.253.195, I'd like to congratulate you on your excellent grammar in the vandalism, the correct capitalization that you couldn't even bother with, the quality of writing so rarely matched by new contributers. Truly, You are a God among men.
Hi. I'm TD and I approve this message.
Also, this User Article sucks, and I know it.
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Who Is This Guy?[edit | edit source]
Note: I've now got a wikipedia user page. I figure if I'm going to be pissing on other people's work on Wikipedia, I may as well have a format for them to bitch at me about it. Fear not, though... I haven't joined the wikinazis, so much as decided to fight them from within!
“I’m going to fucking bury that guy. I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill TD.”
I'm an uncyclopedian of unrecognized talent. This means one of the following:
- I'm suffering from delusions of Grandeur.
- I'm suffering from delusions of Adequacy.
- I'm that fucking good, but no-one has noticed.
- I'm that fucking good, but no-one gives a shit.
- The visitors have found a way to bypass my aluminim-foil mind-control protection helment I wear at night, and fill my head with bad ideas, in which case none of this is my fault, Thank God.
- You are a shithead because you didn't vote me for Noob of the Month, or Writer of the Month.
- I'm the shithead, and you aren't, which explains why I have no awards.
Incidentally, my contribution history will often show multiple small changes to a document. This is because I have a pain-in-the-ass web server at work, and all my entries are done at my desk, while I am "running software testing". Thus, I often have to kill my net connection rapidly, as soon as supervisors are noticed nearby. When I don't, my server connection will be killed off automagically anyways on my end. I realise this means I will be nominated for a pocket full of ninja stars eventually, but so be it. What's my other option, stop posting to Uncyclopedia? Fuck you, buddy!
What his Angle on this Fucking Thing?[edit | edit source]
TD selects random articles throughout uncyclopedia, and corrects the spelling and grammatical errors of the plebian contributors who know not the difference between there, their, and they're. I mean, Jeezus Christ people, are you all fucking retards or something? Learn some fucking grammer. I'm not asking for a Harvard degree in English, here... Just because your slutty girlfriend has no brains doesn't give you an excuse to be a Sofa King. In short, his is the life of a grammar ninja. While not perfect himself... the evidence that other people are fucking morons presents itself daily.
Deletion of Crap[edit | edit source]
This is my new purpose in life. Uncyclopedia is positively swamped by Crap! Poor grammar, horrid misspellings, and 2nd grade quality writing clutter up articles which could be vibrant, amusing, useful, and full of riotous jokes converting them straight into steaming piles of fecal waste. Other articles focus on jokes that are not working, and yet the author refuses to let go. It's beyond beating the dead horse, it's straight on whipping at it's fossilized fuckin' remains!.
If you write a gobshite article, I will find it and list it for either VFD or NRV. There is no hope, and no escape. I can hit the random article button dozens of times per day, and chances are high that I will come across your shitbrained article, and take action. It's okay to suck. I've written articles that have been huffed, (see Grantoc and Arthexis below). If you are unaware that a period is followed by 2 spaces... 2 fucking spaces you neanderthallic fuckheads! I will correct your fucking mistakes, for the sake of not raping anyone elses brain.
If your article is a nothing more pile of mistakes centering on a bad premise, Fuck You.
If your article is not shitbrained, you have little to fear. If I believe it just needs a rewrite and I have the time, it shall be done. Your half-assed monosyllabic prose will be replaced by my own effective, exciting, and sharply-edged wit, your idea will be preserved in tact with as little modification as possible, and only a shining example of excellence shall remain. Whichever awesome lines you wrote, the ones that made me laugh, smile, or sometimes cringe will be left intact (depending on context). Thank you for the inspiration.
Note that I have encountered dozens of well-written and correctly spelled articles with good formatting which make no sense to me, or appear to have no humor in them. I have left them alone, because not everything has to be absurd, fake, or a knee slapper. Some groups have in-jokes, and I respect that. Just because it doesn't make me laugh doesn't mean it's worthless. Some people like Bernie Mac. I can't fucking fathom why, but he's got the benjamins, so he survives. Thus the same holds for you.
Articles of Note[edit | edit source]
This section has begun to grow large, and unwieldy. Therefore, for my dedicated fans, I list a full compendium of all articles I've written here, in my full list of written articles.
Below, you will find a list of my most recent articles. I will edit and update this list every so often, whenever I feel unlazy enough to actually do something.
- Horror film Minor expansion; editing to make not ugly.
- Mad Cowbell Disease I needed to expand Cowbell again, and this time it necessitated a whole new article.
- Pimped Significant expansion and Minor edits of this stub.
- Presentation of the Lard A holiday celebration. We should totally do this every fucking day of the year... I'm telling you, it would be fucking great!
- Perfect Coffee, The This is the mad Shiz-Nizzle! Fresh off of the presses.
Articles I did Not Write[edit | edit source]
Halfway through this section, I realised that this would be way the fuck too many words to fucking type. Suffice it to say that I have not written a whole bunch of articles on Uncyclopedia, approximately 17,000 articles in fact, have not been written by my efforts.
Unwritten Articles I Hope to Write Soon[edit | edit source]
Articles I Enjoy a whole Bunch[edit | edit source]
- This page: I can say no more, except that we illuminate the darkness
- This Article
- And This Article The phrase "Good evening, your lardship"'... That's fuckin' classic!
- This Shit Right Here! Seconds to read, a lifetime to truly comprehend. This is some Good Shit!
- Click Here DO IT NOW!! Actually, this is a really good article, with enough truth included that I'd be tempted to say it has no business being on Uncyclopedia... but the phrase "tits up" safely covers it.
- Click me A bible of sorts
- DoNotClickHere: omFg, good stuff.
- thisthisthisthis: Holy batfuck, this is funny. Needs more, but not much. Too much of this article and you'd die of asphixiation from a laughter overdose.
- Lorem Ipsum Jesus: Do you Read Latin? Well this article proves you had better fucking learn!
- Game:Game
- Hightower Trail Middle School Vanity at it's barely coherent best!
- Caber Tossing: Fuckin funny stuff.
Articles Needing my Resuscitation[edit | edit source]
Bad Guy- Prozac
Chicken of the Sea- Kmart
Extreme knittingUser:TD/knit- Marketing
You Have GOT to be Shitting Me[edit | edit source]
I swear I am not fucking shitting you.
Other Shit[edit | edit source]
I am also a part time contributer to Undictionary! I have written the following entrees (sic). Read Them. Learn Them. Allow my greatness to seep into your worthless forms. Dark Master of Evil, I offer you the souls of these plebian fools to sate your lust for blood and suffering. Grant me the power to rule the universe with a fist of cold iron for all etern... er... nevermind that...
Here! Read These!
Awards I have Won[edit | edit source]
 | Member of the Order of Uncyclopedia I have successfully registered on Uncyclopedia. I am proud of myself for making such a smart move. |
The Uncyclopediatric Certificate of Worthlessness
The UCOW is, like all my awards, self-awarded. Nobody seems to be nominating me for the official awards, so I've taken it upon myself to indulge in self-gratification. I guess I should write up an article on the UCOW, as I'm relatively certain I have yet to do so... Hmmm...
Templates I like[edit | edit source]
“a”
- {{Can we fix it?}}
- {{Tubs}}
Stolen Shit[edit | edit source]
This has potential:
Stolen from Bloozing paper
notable texts: “Atheism for Complete Twits”, “1001 movies you must actively avoid if you wish to retain your sanity”, “Swearwords, Obscenities and Curses of the World dictionary” (now in its third edition and a international bestseller with adolescents everywhere) and “The Life and Times of the North American Bovine”.
Random Project Info[edit | edit source]
I'm a moron at times, so ignore this stuff. It doesn't actually have anything to do with my user page, it just allows my scattered thoughts to be listed semi-coherently.
- The Page: User:TD/sig
- Usage: {{User:TD/sig}}
- Appearance: TD Complain here MUN (Insert Funny Quote Here)
- Type:[[Undictionary:S#Sofa King|Sofa King]] Appearance:Sofa King
Werevampninzombiebot Decide if worth a vfd
This section isn't real... If you can understand the joke, put your name here. If you don't get it, I'll lay it out for you. Sometimes, you find a person whom you respect. In jest, you call them a Fucknut. They see your comment, and realise that you are not serious. In jest, they in turn insult your Mother's sexual purity. Based off of the quality of that assault on your genetic heritage, you fucking stab them in real life.