User:SuperPie/Rosie O'Donnellum
With a totally coincidental symbol of Fat, Rosie O'Donnellum is the densest substance known to man.[1] In fact, if you look at the Idiotic Table of the Elements you will discover that Rosie O'Donnellum does not appear on the chart. This is because the substance is too big to fit on it.
History[edit | edit source]
Discovery[edit | edit source]
Rosie O'Donnellum was discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1941 when he first discovered a large landmass which he thought to be India. What he discovered, however, was an entire continent made up of Rosie O'Donnellum. When he tried to dig up soil on the continent, he broke two shovels on the first try, and broke a crew member on the second try. On the third and final try to dig up the soil, his appendix exploded from the strain. Christopher Columbus gave up and set back out to sea, where he would, in 1942, discovered Nascar and "Poop Wings." or "crap eater."
Re-discovery[edit | edit source]
When World War 2 broke out in 1945, Hitler created a secret project called The ManFatten Project. This project consisted of having the top 3 scientists in the world [2] search for a new chemical that would destroy his foes. It was here that the continent made out of Rosie O'Donnellum was re-discovered. Due to new technology, only an arm, a leg, and South Dakota was lost in an attempt to dig up the substance. The element had to be shipped back to Germany little by little, for placing more than one microspectoatom on it at one time would cause the ship to sink down into the Earth's core.[3] Using this new substance, Rosie O'Donnellum, Hitler was able to defeat France while he was being pummelled with snails. Unfortunately, he was not able to witness his achievement as he died of cardiac arrest shortly after.
Use of Rosie O'Donnellum Today[edit | edit source]
Today Rosie O'Donnellum is used in armour piercing bullets, the building of battle tanks, and as an antidote from losing weight. Scientists are also working on a way to use this substance to develop a car which will run on less than an ounce of Rosie O'Donnellum for decades. Caution must be used when handling Rosie O'Donnellum. If used in the presence of Republicans, Conservatives, or Fat, Lesbo haters, it is subject to spontaneous combustion without notice. A unique term for this, only applicable to Rosie O'Donnellum is "fart". Repeated farting by a single sample of Rosie O'Donnellum may not only cause irreparable damage to its surroundings, but also the death and/or injury of any humans, plants, or small animals within its proximity. If you see a sample of this volatile element, proceed to throw rotten eggs, tomatoes, fetuses, or barbed wire at it immediately, so as to prevent any misfortune to yourself or others.
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Except for, of course, George W. Bush, who is the densest substance known to man, woman, monkeys, and insane laboratory rats. Aliens though, they still consider Rosie to be more dense.
- ↑ Oprah Winfrey, Britney Spears, and the substance cheese.
- ↑ No one is even sure how exactly the island itself is floating, this is perhaps caused by the Earth itself trying to keep the fat fuck away from it.