User:St.Jimmy/Happy Meal
The Jee Man Himself has Shown, in His infinite Wisdom, that He is the Ultimate Purveyor of all things Awesome, Nifty, Spiffy, and generally Interesting. He has personally Reviewed this article and Given His Blessing. The submitter may be Forgiven three venial sins or one mortal sin.
“Wow! You can really taste the sperm! ”
“So that wasn't salad dressing?”
“I'm going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again... I'm going to fucking kill™ Happy Meals!”
History Of The Happy Meal[edit | edit source]
No one really knows the origins of the Happy Meal, except that it came along only after the introduction of the Hamburgler. Some speculate that the Happy Meal was created to stave off the rampant thievery of low quality Hamburgers by tempting him with the fleeting hope of happiness (as the Hamburgler is by nature psychologically unstable), although this is considered rumour, rather than fact. the Actual Truth is that one particularly enterprising McDonalds employee decided to Masturbate onto a "Salad In A Bun" and bung it in a colorful box along with some fries and new "Carrot Sticks" (Read: partially inseminated processed orange peels). since that day, the Happy Meal has changed very little, but then again, it varies from person to person.
The Happy Meal Manifesto[edit | edit source]
The Happy Meal promises to bring happiness of love peace, and world domination. however, it has been noticed that none of this is present when a Happy meal is eaten. It has been proven to be mildly addictive to bears, and to Grues, this may be because that the Grue finds the concentration of pure Semen in Macdonalds Happy Meals to be highly erotic, and everyone knows that when a Grue gets horny, people die, but i digress, The true manifesto of the Happy Meal is to:
- insert semen into whatever it comes into contact with
- cause fat kids to become slightly fatter
- enslave millions of children to work for the McDonalds Corporation
- eventual World Domination causing the ressurection of Super Jesus
Ingredients Of A Happy Meal[edit | edit source]
- 110% Pure Jizm. normally from the spottiest McDonalds worker present at the time
- Retarded cow meat. only the stupidest win!
- That crap at the bottom of a eaten kebab packet
- Radioactive lettuce.
- More Jizm
- A third Dosing of Jizm
- Sticks of pure Lard dipped in molten Jizm, toasted to "perfection"
Where To Get One[edit | edit source]
The Happy Meal is sold all over the US, to exeptionally fat little children, and the rest of the generally obese Americans who cant afford to pay for a proper dose of Semen... I mean uhhh... burger. yes.. burger... that will do... The Happy Meal is usually considered the staple diet of the Crusty punks too, although this has never been properly proven by the authorities (ie: The U.S. Government (read: Those stupid guys who invade any country that contains oil, or that does not yet feature a McDonalds)), this means that the McDonalds Happy Meal can currently be found in roughly 280 countries, the remaining 4 being the middle-eastern ones that have brown-nosed the USA enough to not be invaded yet. of course, Ronald McDonaldCorp are eager to change this.
Miscellaneous Information[edit | edit source]
- Happy Meals are the cause of 4 out of 5 Teen Suicides (the 4 being those who have discovered Emo *and* eaten a happy meal, and the 5th being just a regular Emo. ie: someone who is too afraid to *actually* cut themselves to make it bleed - also, general Emo's are prone to calling them Sad Meals, though these are actually the direct opposite of the Happy Meal, produced by Kentuckistan Fried Panda).
- 9 out of 10 people who have eaten happy meals cried after eating them. This is because they realise that eating a McDonalds and subsequentially being happy are two Mutually Exclusive Events.
- Happy Meals are widely accredited with being the food that put Hitler in the mood to kill a large amount of Jews. it is beleived that he just couldnt ingest *that much* semen and still be functional on some form of non-psycopathic level.
- Happy Meals are also known to be a psychoallergenic food. basically, this means that anyone that eats it will become allergic to intelligence (see AOL User), this usually causes them to speak like a retard and become even fatter. which causes them to ingest more Semen.. no, wait... Happy Meals.
- Happy Meals are known to be directly linked to Cancer, Terminal Diseases, and Chronic Masturbation Disorder. The working theory is that as the consumer ingests an ever increasing amount of Semen from the meal, it produces in them the hormone Masturbatorone, the known cause of the urge to Masturbate. Of course, this can be remedied by ordering the fish sticks instead of any other option with the happy meal, as the fish sticks contain Vagina Juice and are most likely to turn you into some form of Pussy, though it may be noted that if you are caught eating a Happy Meal then you already *are* one.
- Some variants of the Happy Meal are known to cause Chronic Retardedness and often fatal Death. although, in some cases, the consumer is kept alive by the Radioactive Isotopes found in the lettuce.
--St.Jimmy 19:20, 14 July 2006 (UTC)