User:Squiggle/The Great Waffle Conspiracy

		This page is or discusses a loony and/or nutty conspiracy theory of which Uncyclopedia vehemently denies knowledge and existence. The black helicopters are not ^on their way.

Waffles, as the Breakfast Industry would have you believe.

Waffles: Fluffy. Sweet. Delicious.

Or so they would have you believe.

They might have you fooled, idly watching your television and munching on waffles without a thought, but not me. I know. I've read The Da Vinci Code. They can't fool me.

The Great Waffle Conspiracy is real.

Part of this complete Breakfast?

Waffles are just part of a big conspiracy by the big wigs in the breakfast industry to eliminate all other breakfast options. Why? Because waffles are flimsy, cheap, and easy to make. Imagine - the only food choice in the morning being boring, bland waffles. That is the dystopic vision of the future that I have seen.

Some say I'm crazy

Every single ink blot test just looks like another waffle...

But no. I'm not crazy. The world is crazy. They laugh at me, put big red stamps on my forehead and ship me off to the funny farm. They laugh and they laugh and they ignorantly consume waffles like the gluttons they are... and they laugh. Oh God, do they ever laugh.

But the joke's on them. I warned them. When their breakfast options start to whittle away... pancakes will go first... then cold cereal... Hell, no one even eats oatmeal anymore, it's already gone... I'll be the one who laughs.