User:Shabidoo/happymonkeycompetition/2012/Socky

Happy Monkey Competition 2012

Pee reviews for: Socky

Article: Twister (Game)

Pee Review from Shabidoo

Creativity:	7/10	The introduction is filled with good humour and I particularly like the way you insinuated sexuality without bashing us over the head with it. The lines that I thought were particularly well made were: "augment the slipping rate", "accidental intimateness", "potential stains". That being said, this subtlety dissapears in the second section. I wonder if there is a way to insinuate the sexuality involved in the creation of the game without calling it sex in a box nor outright say that the boys were looking at a cheap way to get laid. Ideas: Take two nice geeky guys who are hopeless at meeting girls. They spend their weekends mapping out their dungeons and dragon games on the floor, and before they no it they are twisting their bodys on coloured spots with laughs and giggles. Though somehow there seemed to be something missing. One guy thought as he collapsed into his other friends crotch, perhaps theres a way to make this more fun. A group of children invented games from a young age which slowly pushed the limits of their curiosity, in that by the time they passed puberty, they were doing things that even the most hard core pornography studio would refuse to film. A by product of this was the discovery of a game they invented when they were nine years old, except it was marketed to be played with ones clothes ON and without the roles of victim and agressor. As mentioned before, the introduction to the article is written well in my opinion, and I really believe that if you can write the rest of the article in that more subtle style, that it will result in a great one.
Originality:	3/10	I'm not sure if you wracked your brain to find a particularly original way to write about twister, that being said, the three lines I mentioned in the creativity section were very funny and they all have the spirit of originality in them
Cleverness:	7/10	As per the three lines again, VERY clever. I didn't see as much cleverness in the second section.
Content and Images:	3/10	The narritive itself is written well. The image is a stock image, you might consider finding a totally different image and making it fit into the article in a strange but funny way. What about a square of grey dots and labeling it "twister for the colour blind" or other whacky images? I also found the caption a little direct and not written as well as the introduction.
Points for whatever reason:	8/10	Eight points for getting out something, even though it was a stub. It seems clear that you prefered to write and polish a couple sections rather than have several half put together ones, and at least the first half of the article (in my opinion) was well written. Thanks for making me laugh and putting some of your soul into the competition. I wish you would write more stuff.
Final Score:	29/50	Being a stub, sorry I couldn't write more. I hope this helps. Have fun working on the rest of the article and come to my talk page if you think this review was useless and exagerated and I will happily beg to differ ;) --ShabiDOO 01:44, February 18, 2012 (UTC)
Comments:

Score and Comments from Wilytank

5/10

Score and Comments from PopGoesTheWeasel

6.5/10

Score and Comments from Mattsnow

5.5/10

I sure would have given a better score if it were longer! Nice start for a great article here. Will wind up on vfh for sure. Anybody wants to play? No, not you, your boobs ain't big enough! Mattsnow 22:22, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

Score and Comments from Joe9320

5/10

Score and Comments from Chief

4/10

A good start and some solid work. The length is an issue here (lol) and I can't really award you more points for something which, while promising, feels unfinished.

Final Score

55/100