User:Shabidoo/happymonkeycompetition/2012/EpicAwesomeness

Happy Monkey Competition 2012

Pee reviews for: EpicAwesomeness

Article: Function (mathematics)

Pee Review from Shabidoo

Creativity:	9/10	You are yet one more of uncyclopedias creative writers. Ideas I found particularly creative: "mathematics proves that hell doesn't even exist",the long spelt out number, horsemen of the intellectual appocolypse, "comdemn the rights of mathematics", "cancer-like cancer", "mind wiping super weapons", "symbolic termintes", "look honey, I solved calculus", "filled with reality and dog feces". Theres nothing I can say that is lacking in your creativity, except that the "people are stupid and we should move back to a society were math is learned, lived and respected" does get a little tiring and finding new and creative ways to do this or adding a third dimention to the article would help a lot, both for the creative content of the article and its humour as well, which brings us to the originality of the article:
Originality:	5.5/10	As per originality, I give you good marks for not just turning out an article that talks about how stupid functions are...and instead with a multi concept piece. At the same time, calling functions as something that was once great and now lost to simple minded popular culture, is not the most original idea either. It's really difficult to keep things fresh and innovative, and I'd suggest to you that you always try. I'm sure that having time to think about it (after a super fast 36 hour contest) you might be able to re work some of the ideas and or sections to write into this article more than an academic sounding treatise on the decline of math to simpletons. Ideas: On top of these ideas, you could add a third concept such as the explanation as to WHY you think this has happened (other than just society becoming snotty idiots), such as the radiation coming out of microwaves and television sets, or because of socialism the state gives us everything we need and we no longer care about innovating, or inside of us is the spirit of the universe and in our nihilistic society we no longer care about the theorhetical or many other possible ideas giving the article a third dimention You could add a third dimention through your tone. A lot of articles that bemoan the corruption of society are written in an agry fashion or a condescending way, which is similar to your article. Consider changing the tone a little and youll have something far more fresh and original. Think...pity. When you write, instead of making fun of our sex filled idiotic societiy, pity them. For example: And so gangs go around wearing their pants that they cannot even keep around their waist, and people go to the movies to watch their sad heroes do things the only wish they could do. What a loss, that they sit aroundso passively watching Tom Cruise jump off a building passing through the blades of a helicopter and crashing through the front glass window taking out the villain and control of the helicopter all the while acting like a heterosexual, when these people could learn the far more fantastic world of mathematical functions. They could have both worlds! They could watch mission impossible in the cinema and then try to solve the impossible on paper and pencil. If only they knew. Their lives would be far richer and they could not only add up their bowling scores but also keep year long averages in their head. What a loss. What a loss. And so instead of calling them idiots, I'm pitying them, which is more original than most articles on uncyclopedia. Or another way to add a third dimention would be to change the time of the article. Put it in the past...showing that this problem (mans ignorance) has always been happening. Even 500 years ago intellectuals thought that society was being corrupted by simpletons and functions were going out the window, but yet in the past (past past that is) functions were revered. You would have at your side tons of great historical examples and material to chose from. In any case, being super original is not the end all of article writing, but if you add that third dimention (or concept) to the article, your material, creativity and humour would shine out a lot more.
Cleverness:	9/10	Who would have known that horse testicals could magicaly fit into a sentence about Tibetan ipads on an article about math functions. Some users might not like it, but I certainly do, and if you have to be crass, it ought to be done as though it naturally belongs in the article, which you did well. Through out the entire article infact you find inteligent and witty ways to compare the math genius to the mundane and sad every day life. I give you full full marks for cleverness. Your article is overflowing with it. I also like how you returned to the tebetan i-pad idea towards the end of the article. We often forget to bring up ideas and examples from the beginning of the article and you did this well.
Content and Images:	5.5/10	Your prose is excelent, well written with a consistant style and as far as I can tell, good grammar and spelling. Now that you'll have more time, do try to find a more original image and clever captions. Find images that a reader wouldn't expect and drop a caption under it that gives it sense. I always find images and captions are at least one third if not more of the article reading experience. So 5/5 for narrative and 0.5/5 for images.
Points for whatever reason:	10/10	I'm giving you a full ten here. Its obvious that you put a whole lot of imagination, energy, creativity and in general lots of work into the article.
Final Score:	39/50	There is so much great material and the potential for a super article. I don't think much would need to be changed to make it one of the best of the competition. As I mentioned earlier, get some better images and consider adding a third dimention to the article, and come down a level on the "people are stupid, so idiodically stupd dumb idiots" and no doubt you'll have a featurable article.
Comments:

Score and Comments from Wilytank

8/10

Score and Comments from PopGoesTheWeasel

8/10

Score and Comments from Mattsnow

7.5/10 Made me smile a lot. Your prose is just awesome! Mattsnow 22:58, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

Score and Comments from Joe9320

8.1/10

Score and Comments from Chief

9/10

I liked this one. I wasn't expecting much from it to be brutally honest but was pleasantly surprised by your take on the subject. The only complaint I have is that the prose is somewhat overwhelming at times, I understand why but I'd probably look at trying to separate it into some more sections and maybe add some more images? Just a suggestion, good work.

Final Score

79.6/100