User:Poodunkers/Class Action Park

EXTREMELY WIP GO AWAY

Probably the only reason you came to this article.

Class Action Park was the original name of an infamous catastrophic failure of an amusement park/water park in Vernon Township, NEIU JOYZEE that opened in 1978. Like most local amusement parks, it was extremely prone to accidents and caused potentially 6 people to become an hero because of broken ass rides and 13 year old boys who could barely give two shits about their summer job. But how did all this happen? And who is to blame for this debacle? Well, let's start all the way back at the beginning...

Class Action Prelude

It all begins with some old fart named Eugene "Gene" Mulvihill in the year of our lawd, 1976, and his company Great American Recreation, who owned some random ski area in Vernon Township and wanted to make monies during the summer off-season. Following other ski areas, they built an alpine slide. Then, seeing the potential monies from another monies-making theme park in the summer of 1978, they added water slides and a go-kart track. At this point, you can see where this is going...

Class Action Beginnings

The slogan doesn't lie, there's truly nothing in the world that puts you in the center of action... and death.

The true story begins on July the 4th of 1978, when ol' Geriatric Gene said "fuck it, we'll make a theme park" and officially opened Action Park, along with two of the most American things ever: Dolly Parton and tobacco. Then in 1979, They opened a bunch of rides like water slides and thrill rides that made them rolling in fat stacks like the capitalist money-whored pigs they were and began to gain popularity from shitty TV ads and continued to rise.

And then, the 1980's happened

Class Action PWNED

An infamous serial killer has nothing on a random ass theme park in Jew Jersey.

The epic fails began in July of 1980, when some guy died on the Apline Slide after his car fell of track and into a random rock, and really began ramping up in 1982 to 1987, with kids drowning in the wave pool, one guy getting into cardiac arrest and dying from riding The Kayak Experience, some random girl and a random guy who drowned in a cliff dive pool, and a guy who got fucking electrocuted on the Tarzan Swing.

Class Action Expansion

Now, you would think, YOU WOULD THINK that after 6 FUCKING PEOPLE died that this shithole would go down, but NO, IT KEPT GOING STRONG.