You Are An Idiot

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If you're reading this page, then I'm sorry, but it can only mean one thing - you are an idiot. Call it what you will - mentally disabled, deprived of all thinking privileges, retarded, even just plain weird - that's what you are. I'm afraid there is no cure, but perhaps reading this article will help you learn to cope with your newly-found status of dumb. I certainly hope it does, because it's your only hope, dumbass!

Why You Are An Idiot

Here are a few reasons why you may be an idiot. Chances are if you have been directed to this page you are guilty of at least one of them, probably more.

• Arguing with whoever brought you to this page
• Correcting peoples' grammars or speling - I don't care that I was supposed to say 'whom', retard.
• Linking to pages that don't exist
• Using bad grammar or spelling - not only will I correct you, but I'll link you to this page again and again and again and again!
• Being unnecessarily repetitive.
• Being dumb
• Stating the obvious
• Being unnecessarily repetitive.
• 5p34k1n9 1n 1337, 1d101 - drives me NUTS!!!!
• Eating soap - Note: may also cause The Cure
• Claiming repeatedly that you are the Messiah
• Eating peanut butter causes extreme stupidity, so stay away from that evil orangey stuff! (No, we don't know why either. It just does. Deal with it.)
• Being unnecessarily repetitive.
• Huffing kittens
• Humming
• Tapping your foot to music that no one else can hear
• A Sploding
• Being unnecessarily repetitive.
• Making unnecessarily long lists
• Not believing in the Flying Spaghetti Monster

How to Cope with Being an Idiot

Coming to Terms

Well, for starters you need to really come to term with the fact that you are an idiot. This may be a painful process, but it is vital if you intend to ever be able to live with yourself as a mentally deficient entity. First, say to yourself three times - "I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot." (NOTICE: Clicking your heels together may help, though it might not.) Once you have driven this fact into your terminally thick skull, you'll have to prepare yourself for the agonizing pain that will follow moments after you fully come to terms with - whoops, too late.

Once you've picked yourself up from the floor and turned the computer back on (next time, keep your limbs from flailing at the power button), you'll need to take some deep breaths. Asphyxiation may seem like a good idea at this point but then, so did that, and look where that got your parents! It may help if you count your breathes, like this - "One... (breathe in) Two... (breath out) Five... (breathe in) Umm... Mom? What comes after five?" and so forth. This will help you in recuperation of your body, as well as teach you about the number six. After this, your first priority is

Warning People of Your Idiocy

Gross!

This is where it gets a bit tricky. First, locate a flat wooden or cardboard square. Stiff paper will do if you can't get wood or all your wood has inexplicably become round and covered with this weird green growth... Anyways, once you have your flat wooden or cardboard square (stiff paper will do if you can't - sorry, moving on now), you'll want to locate some form of marker or paint or indeed usefully colored poop. Red will work best. Now apply this coloring to the board - no, wait, take the cap off first and hold it with the open side pointing towards it, there, that's good - and mark in big, red letters - I AM AN IDIOT. You don't need to know how to spell it, just draw the markings you see on this page. I'll show you again: I AM GEORGE B - no, wait, hang on, I AM AN IDIOT. There, just like that. You don't need the little . at the end, but it makes it look professional. Professional, I said. No, pro... fess... ion... al. Yes, like that. Good job. Now tie a long piece of string in a loop off of the board - no, this end goes under that end, like that, yes it is fun, isn't it - and hang it around your neck without choking. It doesn't matter if you can't read what is says, others can. Wait, hang on, if you can't read how are you reading this article?

Anyways

At this point, the hardest work has already been done. The next step will occur without any direct intervention from you. You'll probably notice people giving you weird looks. This is perfectly normal and is a sign that it's working. Soon you'll be confronted by kind souls who will offer to help you. IGNORE THEM, they just want to make a windchime out of your generals. At some point, your family members will step in and take care of you. Congratulations! You have now successfully adapted to being stupid! You'll be fine as long as you don't try to take any tests. Or quizzes. Or study. Or memorize something. You know what? Just to be on the safe side, don't try to think. It's not worth it for you.

And also, if you like Adolf Hitler, are a bully or cyberbully, or a computer troll, you are a also an idiot.

The Cure

You really are an idiot. I SAID THERE WAS NO CURE, DUMBASS!

Or is there?!

First, find 121mg of copper thiocyanate. Add this to 7.5mL of pyridine. Gently heat the mixture until everything is dissolved, then seal the liquid and leave it for 24 hours or more until there are a decent amount of crystals, but no so that the whole thing dries up. Get rid of the remaining liquid and clean the crystals with toluene. Let it dry, and you now have triphenylphosphinebisthiocyanatocopper. Now throw the crystals on the ground and realise that there is no true cure for stupidity.

Apparently There Is

And given that you've been directed to this page, if you take the cure it'll probably be best for everyone involved.