User:Pika8888/May (Pokemon)
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May is a biosexual and the replacement to Misty on the hit reality show Pokémon. She is extremely headstrong and shows that people who call her stupid could get killed...By Misty.
Biography
Not much is known about May before Pokemon, except that she seems to be related to Max. Her father is believed to be a gym leader, but he sucks, and people beat him without trying, because he only uses that fat, ugly, sloth Pokemon.
Because of this 'important' position, May became accepted into the show.
May is the hottest girl in Pokemon , tied with Dawn beated Misty. She would be hottest, in front of Dawn, but for some bizarre reason, she grows the sides of her hair long and shaves the rest of her head (not to the point of baldness, but enough to be noticed). Most people theorise that the reason why she does this is that it is a side effect from drinking nothing but Slim Fast.
Her Japanese name is Haruka, thus not to be confused ha a NetNavi friend.
Role in the Show
May replaced Misty after, in season six, Misty went to AA meetings due to her constant consumption of alcohol. May used to suck at pokemon, but thanks to intense training from the masters, May is a HELL of a lot better than she was when she started off. She usually runs around during the show and copies what the rest of the party does (Low Self-esteem much?). There are a number of possible reasons, but one may be depression. May just wants to be accepted, don't you SEE? She is removed at the start of episode ten because she was doing some guest modelling for WAMTEC's EBP Videos.
Other Stats
- May has an IQ of about 141-ish. Hot and A GENIUS! That's what I'm talkin' about!
- She hit puberty and her new voice sounds SEXY! RRRRRRRRRRRRROWR! I don't know about you, but I get the shakes just thinking about it! i may a sick pedophile! BUT SEEING IT IS SO EXHILIRATING THAT IBEGINTOGOABSOLUTELYWI- (spontaneous combustion)
- May has wicked tits!
- It is rumored that May and Mario are secretly going out. This, of course, is a rumor probably cooked up by those bastards down at the National Enquirer.
- May has recently read this page and has said:
| “ | HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH THINGS! YOU WANNA GET LAID OUT?!!! HUH?!! BRING IT! | ” |
- Misty has also read the page and said:
| “ | WHAT?MAY STILL HAS A PAGE? | ” |
Later, someone else would uncover that, in fact, Britney Spears said this, but she was dressed similarily to May.
- The May that we know of for over 2 years is actually a pod person, the real May is in Orange County. Which could explain why May does weird things. See here for details.
May's Secrets
The reason why May was replaced
Most of you may wonder why May has been replaced with Dawn (who is hotter than May). The reason is that the GOP and the Christian right has been pressuring the creators of Pokemon TV show to get rid of May because of her liberal views. That's right, May is a hardcore liberal. In fact, she supports gay marriage, opposes censorship, supports abortion, and supports Barack Obama for president. She's also a pacifist as well, which caused the military on planning to draft her if the White House plans for a draft. She is also a vegetarian and listens to Rise Against (who are also liberal). She is also sympathetic to homosexuals feeling that the GOP are trying to oppress them, which she stated in one of emails to Dark Paladin X
| “ | George W. Bush hates gay people. | ” |
We will miss you May for your silliness and lets hope we can get her back into the her despite of evil GOP trying to silence her. On the other hand, we must figure out way to rid of Dawn (who is also liberal, in fact, every pokemon character is liberal).
On the other hand, despite Harley being an ass to May, she is currently helping him out on a gay relationship with Andy Samberg.
Why May supports same-sex marriage?
If anyone asks why May is sympathetic to gays, here's the fact. She watched Brokeback Mountain, and due the fact she can be highly emotional, she cried a lot while watching the film (especially at the end, the end is too sad, but no one want spoil it). Ever since then, May supported gay rights and homosexuals and feel that it's best for soceity. Of course, another reason is that Harley is annoying her ass (and yes we know Harley is gay). Thus if same-sex marriage is legalized, this would stop Harley from screwing with May. Of course, May supporting gay rights and same-sex marriage doesn't necessarily make her gay (or is she? Ok, she's bisexual).
May is a rape and torture victim of The Über Pokéemo Sociopath, Misty and Dawn
May is well known to be constantly get raped and tortured by The Über Pokéemo Sociopath|The Über Emo. When May first met up with the Über Emo, the emo laughs evilly and raped May 5 times in a row. When she met with him again 3 weeks later, she was completely scared of the Über Emo and the emo tortured her with waterboarding. Eventually, the Über Emo will torture her by various painful methods, which includes pistol whipping her in the head, straitjacketing May, whip her 150,000 times, and even dismembered May's left hand (she has a prosthetic left hand under her glove, but not really noticeable). May eventually got a restraining order and the Über Emo cannot come close to her within 5,000 feet. However, the Uber Emo is too Uber, and he Anally rapes her at the speed of light and virginally rapes her at the speed of sound (No, she's not pregnate). Apparently May isn't the only one being tortured by Über Emo, another girl gets tortured more by him.
Misty is also one of Mays rapers. After finding out that Ash and May was going out, she went on a quest to kill May, after 30 affairs with bikes, she reaches May and was about to kill her! (Oh Joy!)...But ended up kidnapping her and using her a sex toy...
Dawn is one of the secrets of May. After beating Dawn in a beauty contest (Le Gasp), she was tied up, gagged and raped with Dawn's personal dildo.
So far, May seeks for my help whenever the emo gets her.
Reaction to Ash's Death
May was sad at Ash's death. She liked him. Oh well. It's not as if boys are in short supply.
Did Ash really die?
Yes, don't be an idiot.
May's Pokemon
- A Torchic where May uses in her sex orgy
- A Bulbasaur also used in May's sex parties
- A Beautifly named "Loser"
- An Eevee who enjoys being raped, named Alexander (the Eevee is a girl)
- A Squirtle who paticipates in May's sex orgy
- A Munchlax who eats other foods
- A Skitty that is there for no reason
Closing Comments
May is just dying for some attention as seen here. Ever since losing her job to Dawn, May has been kinda depressed. Well, she could always help me with my Uncyclopedia Member Page. Oh dear...if she finds out about this article, I'm a dead man.