Slim Fast
Slim Fast is an enhanced liquid that's manufactured to imitate the taste of a milkshake. Classified as a "dietary supplement" (a category of products renowned for lax regulation) Slim Fast has been touted as an aphrodisiac, stimulant, laxative, finishing varnish and weight-loss product. Undoubtedly you've seen all the television commercials promoting Slim Fast but do you really know what it can do to you?
Does it turn you into sticks!? Does it make you fatter!? Does it make you lose Calcium!?
Has your underwear been filled to capacity with anticipation? The recipe is secret but some call it a brown liquid that smells like shit to a gnome
The Slim Fast Experiment[edit | edit source]
What exactly does the product "Slim Fast" do to the human body? This was the question posed to independent researchers in order to accurately identify any potential dangers in using this product. Being classified as a dietary supplement, Slim Fast has avoided the normal scrutiny that any medicine or therapy would otherwise be subjected to. The product is manufactured by Unilever, a global corporation that simply rolled wheelbarrows of money into a few offices and were given permission to sell this product.
The First Experiment: Independent clinical trials are still being conducted on Slim Fast but early results have been cleared for publication. The first tests involved isolating a 15 year-old male subject in a room with nothing but a couch, television and numerous samples of the Slim Fast product line. After 24 hours of exposure, the participants were then asked to write an Uncyclopedia article.
Famous Slim Fast Junkies[edit | edit source]
May Regerrum[edit | edit source]
Ladies first! I know she is a girl in Pokemon but in my desperate fantasies she looks like a lady.....sometimes I wonder why I'm sexually attracted to video game characters.....is that totally puerile?.....I never said anything, OK?
“This wonderful drink is such a life saver! Thanks to Slim Fast, my boobs have increased in size. My friends are so very jealous! They are still flat chested today! I strongly recommend this drink for EVERYONE in EVERY universe!”
Oh noes! You can just imagine what she'd be saying if she drank ten in one day!
“WASSUP B*TCHES! NO WRRY ME! JUST DRANK 10 SKANNY BEERS TUDEY WOOHOO.ENYWEY, THIS MOTAF*KEH RILLY CHEIG ME LIFE! I FEL PEDOFAIL NAU! YEAH, CA MON MAX!!!
RIDE THAT D*CK ON ME WOOHOO! LE CAUGAL!”
Hehehehhehehe, maybe she get raped by Ash and Brock for the rest of the night to return to consciousness, hehheheeheheheh!
Moral of this? Always keep a serial raper to your side whenever you drink Slim Fast. But of course you don't want that. Right so DON'T drink Slim Fast AT ALL! It may even be the reason why you were born!
Fat Albert[edit | edit source]
I bet you didn't see that coming did ya? Well the truth is... Fat Albert was not always known as Fat Albert, once he was known as Bone Albert!!
Albert in Elementary:
If you were the size of a pixel, he looked like this after drinking Slim Fast at the age of 21:
This is what albert had to say in an interview a week ago:
“Woah dude! Like... I thought this was Slim Fast!I accidentally drank one and stayed addicted! I didn't know what Slim meant untill I got to the seventh grade. It was like BEER! I couldn't take it! I needed more everyday! I drank like 10 every day!
If you wanna get Fat like me, DRINK IT!”
Uh oh... If you've seen the pattern, I guess something can be drawn up...
Puberty Fast[edit | edit source]
No, May doesn't drink this, if she did, she would be a famous 12 year old.
Puberty Fast, unlike Slim Fast, makes you go through puberty extra fast.
It also has enhancing effects, depending on wether you're a boy or girl
| Girl | Boy |
|---|---|
| BOOBS!BOOBSBOOBSBOOBSBOOBSBOOBSB
OOBSBOOBSBO OBSBOOBSBOOBSBO OBSBOOBSBOOBSBOOBSB OOBBOOBSBOOBSBOOBSBOOBSBOOBS |
Gay |
| ASSASSASSASSASSASSASSASS
ASSASSAASSSSASSASA SASASSASSS ASSAS SASSASSASSASSASSASS SASSASSSA |
If you're already Gay: Gay V2. |
Well no wonder James used to drink Puberty Fast!
Yep, It's true, even the fumes from Slim Fast makes Boobs. Good thing that Nobody Cares
Woah, that must have been harsh. Good thing I'm Homophobic.
So, NOW what did we learn? Puberty Fast makes you either Sexy, or Gay. It all depends on gender.
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
So what did we learn today? Slim Fast makes BOOBS! Seriously! This bitch is awsome!
Remember Girls: Drink your Slim Fast if you want Boobs and Sex and become a slutty Whore! DO IT DAMN IT OR I'LL RAPE YA!
Slim Fast in depth: Anime[edit | edit source]
You think that was all for poor May? Think again.
Not just Pokemon, but Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist, even Hamtaro used Slim Fast in their Shows! Why? Because the Japanese have good sense of humor
Pokemon[edit | edit source]
If you were a total whore looking at Dog Porn while reading the Interview part, YOU ARE NOT HUMAN.
So I will resay this one more time: May Abuses Slim Fast
The May Factor[edit | edit source]
May has used Slim Fast MANY times during the Anime, you just were too gay to notice.
You wish your dick was in Elric's butt heheheehehehehe
Full Metal Alchemist[edit | edit source]
According to the average quotations of bastards like Discovery and Wikipedia:
Alchemy was the ancient study of philosophy of the elements and their ability to break down into new elements as well as the believed "Elixer of Life"
*Washes mouth with soap*
I feel gay, please let's not quote queers again.
Anyway, if you saw that show, you may think Edward didn't drink milk EVER. That's why he rides a quarter pint in skateboarding. *nearly gets killed due to a cheesy joke*
WRONG[edit | edit source]
He drank something that should've never, EVER, have existed.
Philosopher Phast
Why not make a sub article about that bastard? because, it is made out of:
Slim Fast
Puberty Fast
and a piece of the Philosopher's Stone.
That bitch doesn't exist, so Philosopher Phast doesn't deserve to be a title
Here's what happened:
While Edward and Al were preparing the Transmutation Circle to attempt to revive their mom, Ed got tired and decided to look for something to drink. In a cupboard, it said "Slim Fast", but he misreaded as "Lime Fast". He didn't see that the expiration date was 10 years ago. So he put it on the counter. After digging in again, he found a can of "Puberty Fast". He misread it as "Pinapple Fast" Because that bastard loves fruit. While Al was digging through his daddy's stuff, he found a note with a red rock, it said to use this with a gay book to revive mom. He couldn't read and asked Ed what it was. He tought it was cherry, opened the can of Slim Fast, and put it in a cup, then he poured it along with the Puberty Fast. Uh oh. He then drank the whole thing in 5 seconds, only to realize after 10 seconds that it had milk. He wasn't happy.
After transmutation, he didn't really loose two limbs, he lost ALL OF THEM. And only two were replaced with the slow growing limbs of your Grandma.
Slim Fast in Japan[edit | edit source]
The Land of the Riding Son. I wonder what Slim Fast is around here... NOT Well... unlike Gringo Land. Slim Fast is WAY different in Japan. Did you ever wonder why most Asian Chicks have such flat boobs? Because here, Slim Fast makes you Metrosexual. The problem is... it's in English, and the Japanese are too lazy to learn English. Because of that, Girl Boobs flatten and Boys become HAWT. At least the ones that haven't drank Puberty Fast, anyways.
Here's the bad news. I tried to take a picture of a Japanese Slim Fast, but my camera was shurikened by Naruto and I got raped by May because she took a sip of Puberty Fast. So we really can't do anything...
Hell yeah. We now know that Japan is planning to take over the world! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
Clearly these are the normal ramblings of your common teenager in the 21st century. It appears that Slim Fast® products are totally safe for human consumption and should be employed to fight the battle against childhood obesity.