User:Pasmorade/OJ Simspon murder trial/Dream Team
Prior to the trial of the century, Orenthal had assembled a "Dream Team" of legal defence to combat his murder charges. This legal defense team included famed alt-right pundit Ben Shapiro, Johnnie Cockroach Cochran, Carl Douglas, Shawn Chapman Holley, Gerald Uelmen, Robert Kardashian (yes, Kim Kardashian's dad), Alan Dershowitz, F. Lee Bailey, Barry Scheck, Peter Neufeld, future director Tommy Wiseau (purely for tomfoolery), and William Thompson. Prior to hiring them, he allegedly told them "I killed the bitch, so what?" to try to weed out any sissies. Orenthal only wanted the most cutthroat, soulless lawyers to represent him.
Members[edit | edit source]
Ben Shapiro[edit | edit source]
Johnnie Cockroach Cochran[edit | edit source]
Johnnie Cockroach Cochran was a cockroach alien who masked himself as a black man. Interestingly, this made him the first of two aliens working for the Dream Team.
Robert Kardashian[edit | edit source]
F. Lee Bailey[edit | edit source]
Alan Dershowitz[edit | edit source]
Barry Scheck[edit | edit source]
Peter Neufeld[edit | edit source]
Tommy Wiseau[edit | edit source]
“They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore.”
Tommy Wiseau was a French Polish alien man who was hired by the Dream Team to serve as a lawyer. However, in the courtroom, his defenses were so inept that the entire jury defaulted on supporting him from pity. This resulted in the Dream Team lying to him about his acting and legal skills to retain him, which later led to the masterpiece known as The Room.
Robert Blasier[edit | edit source]
Carl E. Douglas[edit | edit source]
Shawn Holley[edit | edit source]
“I don’t understand—how is it that only black or brown men have committed crimes?”
Shawn Holley was the only female lawyer of the Dream Team, being the only one who isn't a greedy dick. Born in Los Angeles, she had already had disdain for the LAPD as when she was only 10, several officers tried to arrest her as "she looked like she was stealing something." This helped her be the perfect fit to work for Johnnie Cockroach Cochran. Working for him, she claimed that she was chosen due to not being a soulless husk, however, as all of the other lawyers had no soul, this is false. In reality, Cockroach Cochran attempted to coerce famed Bel-Air lawyer Philip Banks into being the last member of the Dream Team. Sadly, Philip refused, and as a result, Cockroach Cochran had to substitute him with Holley. Her personal life is slightly more intriguing than the others, as her husband was once Michael Jackson's vocal coach and she herself has appeared on the Today Show, Good Morning America, PrimeTime Live, Court TV, Fox News and CNN. She was also the only one who didn't hear OJ tell him that he done it, partially due to him putting her on his hitlist, waiting to try to marry, them murder her prior to his death.
See also[edit | edit source]
| Background | |
| The trial |
Jury - Prosecution case - Defense case - Summation - Verdict |
| Aftermath |