User:Ljlego/Net Authority

The Net Authority is a fictional superhero group, carried by DC Comics. Introduced in the mid-2000's, the Net Authority is a gang of once-rogue humorists, criminals, and porn stars, all from different backgrounds/sexual orientations. Located in the also fictional city of Netville, it follows our heroes, who have been thrown together under the malignant dictatorship of a dark figure known only as Roger. They are the figureheads of a counter-revolution, and are led by the mysterious Iaup. Though they make progress in each edition of the series, Roger always thwarts their plans with "pornography, depravity, blasphemy, and several other types of hate propaganda." It has currently attempted to thwart over 510 assaults on honor, justice, and the American way.

Mission

The Net Authority stands solely for the purpose of standing against the power. Their motives, therefore, are similar to those of the hippie movement of the 1960s and 1970s. Indeed, the two female members of the four-member Net Authority are modeled directly on this framework; they have unshaved legs and a penchant for smoking pot. Iaup and the two males, however, are modeled after another "counterculture" group: the Catholic Church. In fact, the official mission statement (composed of five tenets) of the Net Authority is worded in the similarly to the Ten Commandments. They are:

1. Thou shalt not post pornographic material.
2. Thou shalt not post hateful material.
3. Thou shalt not post blasphemous material.
4. Thou shalt not post materials of an offensive political nature.
5. Thou shalt not post materials concerning bestiality, including interracial relationships.

The Revolution

The Revolution (as it is so named) is one primarily of free speech. Netville, up until the time where the reader is thrust into the equation, was a fascist dictatorship, similar to that of real-life France. This dystopian society is seen through various vignettes of the characters' past lives. It is shown as a time where the nights are ruled by criminals and prostitutes, where laws are blatantly flaunted for show and fun. Anthony Burgess, writer of the manuscript that later became the immortal first issue, said "The revolution is similar to that of the American forefathers, those bloody bastards. They got freedom of speech and expression and all we Brits got was a stupid t-shirt. And false teeth." With those wise words in mind, analysts have constructed a threadbare outline of the revolution's specifics. The following is an excerpt from the official press release:

“ They got stuff they didn't have before (legally), such as slightly racy humor, kiddie porn, and toga fraternities. ”

The Net Authority, therefore, represents the old thinkers, people brutally tortured into believing in the cause.

Characters

• Iaup: Iaup (pronounced "yowp") is a very mysterious character. The only known facts about him are that he is Japanese, that he is very smart, and that he can eat over 50 hot dogs in one sitting. He spews verses from the St. James Bible seemingly at random, always being recalled by a member of the Net Authority just in time to save the day. Critics chalk this up to lazy writing, to which the writers respond "and the children struggle together within her, and she saith, 'If it is right -- why am I thus?' and she goeth to seek Jehovah."
• The Human Croissant: The Human Croissant (THC for short) was once a chain-smoking porn star. His nickname is derived from his talent for contortion, and his predilection for using this talent in shocking and often disturbing ways (the eponymous "croissant" being most famous). The Catholic Church reformed him, and he now uses his contortionist talents to grapple with various enemies of the Net Authority.
• 133N: 133N, pronounced Eileen, is the ubiquitous techie/comic relief for the Net Authority. Whilst cracking jokes, she uses the hacking skills she obtained on the streets before the revolution in a truly white-hat manner. The derivation of her Net Authority name is from the popular form of Internet slang known as 1337sp33|< (or elite speaking), used extensively by hackers in Netville. A recurring joke in the series is "133N stinks," usually resulting in hearty laughter for ten cells of comic and a lifetime of violent tendencies for the reader.
• Reverend Peacock Once a flaming homosexual and famous porn star, Reverend Peacock now anally penetrates injustice with a menace. Iaup's second-in-command, the good Reverend is often the stiff of the group and the last to bend the rules. More often than not, he is the subject of many double entendres that he does not take lightly. Once, in fact, he doused the whole team in holy water when 133N asked him how long his Peacock was and then promptly cracking up to THC's reply of "7 letters." Naturally, he is the most popular victim of death in fanfic.
• Ratwoman: Once a stand-up comic who put pre-Revolution audiences in stitches (with jokes such as The Aristocrats and "Why did the chicken cross the road? Because FUCK! Yeah!"), Ratwoman is now the only traditional "superhero" in the group. During the revolution she was exposed to a radioactive something-or-other, which somehow managed to turn her into half-rat, half-woman. Thus, her lower body is that of a rat and her upper body is that of a woman. She must travel in a wheelchair, which makes her rather useless in the ways of crime-fighting. Mostly, the Net Authority keeps her around to laugh at behind her back.