User:IFYMB!/UnNews:Interview with You
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
16 April 2013
Today, we are joined by <insert name here>, who has thankfully decided to grace us with his presence, and we will talk about what it's like to be an uncyclopedian, what it's like to be adopted and what it's like to be a lap dancer.
UnNews
Before we begin, would you like anything to drink?
You: Carrot juice and Vodka would be nice.
UN Coming right up.
[UnNews interviewer proceeds to throw up carrot juice and vodka in <insert name here>'s face.]
UN So, how did you get into Uncyclopedia?
You: Well, as you probably all know, I really love watching cartoon porn, mainly BatMan. Anyway, I wanted to watch some BatMan porn, so I went to Google and searched up "Bat Fuck Insane" and found the Uncyclopedia article. So here I am.
UN Here you are indeed. Why do you write such shitty articles?
You: I think the problem is that I never really paid any attention in Kindergarten. I was too busy jerking off. Even thinking about Miss Corey gives me an erection.
[UnNews interviewer looks down.]
UN So it does.
10 Minute Break
UnNews We are back now, and I suspect one of us needs a new sock. Moving on from that, I now want to know, what is the worst moment in your life.
You: It has got to be when I lost my nipples. I was out in Canada and my nipples got frozen. I was really strange, my nipples just turned into ice cubes, and that's when I made my mistake. I flicked one of them, the right one, if I remember correctly, and it just flew off, into the distance. I thought It would look weird with just one nipple so I flicked the other one off as well.
UN Truly horrendous. What about the second worst moment?
You: There are a few but the one that stands out is when I found out that -
UN You were adopted.
You: - there are 49 calories in 1 tablespoon of Orange Marmalade.
UN What?
You: Whaaaaat?!
UN You were adopted.
You: Whaaaaaaaaa?!
UN You. Were. Adopted.
You: WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! I DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THIS! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN INTERVIEW AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME I'M ADOPTED! LET ME GUESS, MY ARMS ARE NOT MY REAL ARMS MY LEGS ARE NOT MY REAL LEGS. MY -
UN Your legs aren't your real legs.
You: Huh?
UN Joke.
