User:IFYMB!/Cunt flashers will ruin our lives
29 May 2013
Great Britain is not safe! Shocking events are currently unfolding in the sex-loving country that is England. Early this morning, we received the following oral report from one our most respected and loved correspondents. We tried to edit it into passable form for publishing but we are still in some shock ourselves. Just read it.
12:34PM.
| “ | I'm enjoying lunch with my beautiful girlfriend here on the Southbank in London. It's nice and quiet, as you can hear. By the way, her name is Anna and she's as hot as Dubai in midsummer, ha ha. Massive tits, firm ass, long brown hair, with a very decent personality, ha ha. There's the waiter with the wine now... What? she throws the wine away and lifts up her skirt. And right there on display is the waitress' cunt. It's pink! It's fucking pink! Anna - take me away from here! I can't look! I am a genitaliaphobe! I saw her Perineum! I'm in physical pain!
Oh shit, I've gone all fucking itchy!!!! Ohhhh don't scratch, don't scratch. Shit, what's that on my face?! I've gone spotty like I'm fucking 17 again, just like Zac Effron. Ewwww, I'm all sweaty and disgusting. Where the fuck is that waitress, there she is- ah! My leg has started to shake! I've turned into a fucking spaz! I can see Anna, wait, is it Anna? Or Hannah? I'm sure it was Emma. Ahhh who gives a fuck, she's running away now - or who is it? I can't see for this sweat in my eyes! I'm frothing at the mouth! I bet I look like some rabid retarded pit bull after being shot in the balls by its mother. Hey - could you help me out, mister? Anyone?? I'm fucking dying over here!? Where are the fucking customers- ahhh, oh my god, all the other women are flashing thier cunts as well!! It's horrible, the whole room is full of Vulvas and Labia Minoras. Two waiters are one the floor, another has ran out. All the women are chasing him, pussies exposed. I can see them running into supermarkets, shops, and god forbid, a church! The waitress is still here, taunting me. Cursed sibling rivalry...! I'm crying now, and I'm sure I've pissed myself. Is this the end of life on Earth as we know it!? |
” |
We have lost contact with our fine genitaliaphobe reporter. We are all hoping for the best, wishing him on. We believe with no doubt whatsoever that he and his sister can reconcile and restore their relationship without any sexual tensions involved. As to the rest of us... Lord have mercy.