User:Gergdown/Video EssayRT
A version of the "Video Essay" article without the extra shit.
“In my past, I had said disgusting stuff, and only you can forgive me for *sob* this... I am so ashamed of my actions, and I deeply apologize *sob* for this...”
After gas-lighting their followers that the non-existent country of France was a real place, and after stating that Jeffery Epstein was "my best friend", this horrid Uncyclopedian user has earned their place as one of the most hated Uncyclopedians on the site. It eventually went way deeper than these surface-level facts however, as it has been revealed to us that Alula has had a secret history of lying, pedophilia,[source nobody fucking reads 1] and even more. These events have escalated so much, that recently, Alula has deleted their discord account, and alongside it, have left the Uncyclopedian discord server. So how did this story happen?
CHAPTER 1 — A Critique on Capitalism[edit | edit source]
It all began on November 1st, 2023, in which user Alula (real name: Richard Woods) created their Uncyclopedian account. Starting out as a nooby user, slowly, Alula would grow their profile, creating new articles, helping other users, interacting on forums, and eventually, writing a featured article. For the first year of Alula's Uncyclopedian career, Alula mostly made uncontroversial edits. Alula helped other users with projects they were making, collaborated with another user to create a featured article, and grew their stance to be one of the biggest Uncyclopedian users during twenty-twenty four. Eventually, Alula gained a grand total of two thanks in their entire Uncyclopedian career, and going on the Hall of Shame after creating thirty-eight featured articles, however it was soon at this time in which their career took a dark path. A path for the worse. A uh... uh... route for the uh, uh, lesser. A uh... crossroads for the... inferior? No, that doesn't make any sense.
...
(Oh shit, this is a video. Uh, can the... can the editor cut this out, please?)
CHAPTER 2 — I <3 Capitalism[edit | edit source]
I don't know about you guys, but I LOVE licking the turds of people. Unfortunately for me, every time I do it in public, people scold at me, like they think I'm some kind of "weirdo". Ugh! It's so annoying! I wish all the gals who watch me do it would immediately come up to me and say "marry me!" out loud! Like, one day, when I was walking across the border to Canada, and I pulled this stunt out loud, several people immediately called the cops on me! How cringe! I almost got arrested! And the worst part of this all? The Washingtonian and British Columbian Government are cracking down on these actions, committed by ones of people every day. How absurd! But thankfully, myself, as a noble nerd and a Reddit moderator, have found a solution to this. Turdlicker Services Incorporated. With a click of a button, it will automatically gather the turd of a person throughout a ten kilometer radius, sending it directly to your house. How convenient!
Go to Turdlickerservicesincorporated.com/videoessay to get a fourteen day free trial to Turdlicker Services Incorporated products.
CHAPTER 3 — But THEN, Alula said this...[edit | edit source]
On May 31st, 2025, on a typical Tuesday, Alula spoke these words onto the forum, sparking the end of their career:
“Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Was 9/11 really an inside job-yay!”
This diabolical racist slur could not be tolerated. Turb0-Sunrise responded by saying:
“What the fuck did you just say?”
It wasn't long until Turb0-Sunrise made a video on popular video sharing platform Youtube about this situation.
“So basically... this guy stinks. Not only is he doo-doo-poo-poo, but Alula said shit about 9/11. I—what—what did he say again? Inside job? O—oh-okay. So basically, this guy said 9/11 was an inside job committed by George W. Bush's best friend. A—also, y'know, he—he probably stinks. And also, I have more subscribers than him. And I'm right, and Alula's wrong.”
This video would quickly gain one million views, because God has a very funny taste of comedy. Quickly, discussion would grow on popular polarizing hate speech sharing platform Twitter. We would never hear from Grog again.
And so, with Alula's reputation in the drain, there was only one thing they could do: Write a crappy response on twitter.
This response was treated very poorly. I mean, blaming the common mass? How the fuck do you think that's gonna work out? However, this controversy was really a minor one. However, on June 4th, 2025, MoistCrit1kal responded to Alula's claims.
CHAPTER 4 — But THEN...[edit | edit source]
MOISTCRIT1KAL RESPONDED TO THEIR RESPONSE!!!
“Today we'll be looking at some of the most entertaining drama I've ever seen in this year so far. So basically, there's this controversy between Alula about him making jokes about 9/11 being an inside job, and also him liking the terrorist attacks on that day. Uh.. so basically, Alula is bad. Well, y'know, anything I say becomes the truth, and all the little goblins creating video essays will have to put my video in their videos.”
CHAPTER 5 — Counterarguement[edit | edit source]
This response was not taken very well. And when the pressure started building up on Alula, they opted to make an apology video.
The best way Alula could've responded to these allegations were to make an honest, calm, and collective response video. However, as in the usual scummy internet landscape, full of degenerates and pedophiles, who I'm definitely not[citation needed] because I'm so cool, Alula released an emotional-charged disorganized video (with a lot of crying, I should add), much like most apology videos you see on the internet.
“In my past, I had said disgusting stuff, and only you can forgive me for *sob* this... I am so ashamed of my actions, and I deeply apologize *sob* for this... there is no excuse for these actions, and I am deeply sorry for the people who've died during this terrible tragedy.”
This apology was not taken very well. The key point of this apology is the line "In my past, I had said disgusting stuff". It implies that before the whole controversy, something else had happened that was even more terrific than this.
CHAPTER 6 — Oh Yeah And Also Alula Is A Pedo[edit | edit source]
CHAPTER 7 — Butt THEN...[edit | edit source]
MOISTCRIT1KAL RESPONDED TO THEIR RESPONSE RESPONDING TO HIS RESPONSE WHICH WAS A RESPONSE OF THEIR RESPONSE!!!
“Now, I really hate it when I respond to people's responses, because y'know... that feels really scummy. But I don't f[beep]-ing care anymore, Alula SUCKS! And also, I think he's a pedophile now? You can uh... look at these DMs right here...”
CHAPTER 8 — Countercultural Counter-intuitive Counteractive Counteroffensive Counterstrike Count and cocks Counterarguement[edit | edit source]
But it was too late for Alula to fix their career, because recently, their Uncyclopedian account has been banned for life, and shortly after that, they deleted their Discord account.
CHAPTER 9 — Aftermath[edit | edit source]
Sources[edit | edit source]
- ↑ DaFuq!?Boom. “Skibidi Toilet - Season 1 [FULL SCREEN.” YouTube, 31 May 2023, www.youtube.com/watch?v=WePNs-G7puA.