User:David Gerard/Draft

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Articles I'm stuck on[edit | edit source]

- rough ideas with Sannse so far.

- sections are good, other sections are shite. Also needs something on Transhumanism. "I can see a future full of thinkers like myself."

- aaaaahem!

- this is article-shaped, but needs a few more sections. Explore the real literary value of vampire (Apollonian) vs zombie (Dionysian), with gratuitous dick jokes.

- fucking useless rich people. The family tree is loosely based on G.W. Bush, but any lucky-sperm-club member (Edgar Bronfman, Henry Ford XCLVII, etc) is suitable material.

- my first child is due to be born in April. I expect to have quite a lot of material for this article.

Stupid bomb[edit | edit source]

"The two most plentiful elements in the Universe are bad Uncyclopedia articles and hydrogen, and I'm not sure about the ... hydrogen. Hold on, I'll try that one again." - Albert Einstein on an off day

The Stupid Bomb uses only the second-finest-grade stupid in the world, capable of penetrating five light-years of lead. (The finest grade stupid in the world would penetrate the bomb's neutronium shielding and affect the guidance system.)

Generating stupidity[edit | edit source]

[do adapted zombie botnet image, write based on this]

Wikipedia:Image:Zombie-process.png -- best image on the entirety of Wikipedia

Spork liberally from Wikipedia:Precision-guided munition

-- Images --

bomb diagram: (based on real smart bomb) control system behind neutronium shield, sharpened cluelessness tip, clue anti-pheromone coating for easy atmospheric transport

gw bush: Various traitorous liberal homosexual paedophiles have alleged that a Stupid Bomb was accidentally set off near the White House in early 2001. Other groups have alleged it was deliberate.

e-meter: The €-meter is used by the Church of Objectivism to remove money thetans from the subject's wallet. The meter measures variations in clue resistance.

image of interconnected boxes: slashdot, wikipedia, wikipediareview, what else ... take from the Zombie Botnet image - How stupidity is generated and captured.

Kawasaki Ninja[edit | edit source]

The Kawasaki Ninja is, of course, bright green.

The Kawasaki Ninja is green neon in colour. Where would a green neon ninja be able to work? Downtown modern-day Tokyo - you wouldn't see him amongst all the other neon. Actually, you probably would.

"Hey, it's a green neon ninja!"
"Wow, he must be promoting something good! Hey! What are you promoting?"
"... What?"
"The green neon! Is it something I can get on my phone? The new NEC promo? Must be good."
"Er, no ... I'm going to kill someone."
"Wow. What in?"
*cough* "Real life."
"Oh, Real Life 2.5, the one out on PSP next month? I'm looking forward to that one. It's gonna be so cool with that green neon getup!"
"You are a very strange person. I'm just going over here now."

VolkiPods[edit | edit source]

After Neuroipods, this needs to be much, much better to avoid resembling a thin film of ex-horse. Perhaps a merge with Uberpod.

Popular White Nationalist website, giving away free ipods loaded with Prussian Blue albums, in return for:

a) money
b) reffering freinds to do the same

Visit today for yours!

The VolkiPod is optimised for use with the iMarch software on the Apple VaterMac, the only White Nationalist-approved computer. The VaterMac's mouse is guaranteed to have only one ball.

100% FREE TESTIMONIALS!!*[edit | edit source]

"I got mein."

"I asked them to bring it, and they did."
Der Codemeister

The offer does not apply in the following places:

  • Poland (until this coming September)
  • Czechoslovakia (available October)
  • France (coming soon)

The Kurt that Lived[edit | edit source]

- Kurt survives his shotgun suicide. Picture to be based on Arseface from Preacher.

After the tragedy of his attempted shotgun suicide in April 1994, Kurt Cobain has rehabilitated his public image ... blah blah ... something.

Cobain has worked to be a good example to the world as a person of fame and fortune despite the lack of lips or a lower jaw. In this regard, his reputation has enjoyed a post-tragedy revival, much as Christopher Reeve's did.

Cobain has done much public work to ensure the impressionable youth of suburban America do not repeat his errors. He regularly mans a suicide hotline, although with variable effectiveness:

Kid: "I hate myself and I wanna die!"
Kurt: "Uh, duh do dah. I'th buh buh hhhh."
Kid: "OH FUCK!" ***BANG***
Kurt: "... fuggh."

Hitler-Stalin Square[edit | edit source]

  • Something Morwen said on IRC. Apparently there is a square in Bucharest that was at different times named after Hitler and Stalin and is now named after Charles de Gaulle. The title smells uncyclopedic to me.

Hitler-Stalin Square, is a public square in southern London, straddling the border between the London Borough of Lewisham and the London Borough of Bromley.

The square was created in 1981 by the South London Development Corporation, on the site of what had previously been a disused flying car factory. Street naming is the responsibility of local authorities, who were at first unable to decide on a name. The Stalinist-led Labour-controlled Lewisham London Borough Council called their half the 'Square of Our Glorious Leader, Joseph Stalin', whilst the Conservative and National Socialist, which controlled Bromley Borough Council, called their half the 'Adolf Hitler Memorial Gardens'.

This was clearly absurd, and in response to this the Greater London Council led by Red Ken, and the national Government, led by Bloody Thatcher, made what is possibly their only documented agreement, and compelled the entirety of the square to be named 'Hitler-Stalin Square'.