User:DarkredX13/The Ripper
Formation[edit | edit source]
In 2008, Abraham Pashhehahshehs (not to be confused with Pahoiasease or Pashehshehshehshahashem) and that little boy who lives down the street planned to start the ultimate shit rock band. Too bad for them, Pasheehehehahshah was terrible at guitar, and could barely even beat through the fire and flames on expert. He could only play power chords, and so they needed a lead guitarist. The only other guitarist available was Dill "Fairy" Ferret, a Angus Young poser who had had already eaten his Gibson SG and had gotten a brand new lesbian paula for your birthday from your mom. He joined and the square rolls on.
| The Ripper | |||
| Origins | London, England | ||
| Year(s) active | 1973-The Battle of the Rock Gods | ||
| Genre(s) | Happy Metal, Unsoft Rock | ||
| Label(s) | What's a Label? | ||
| Members | Darrel "P Jizzy" Williarns, Abraham Pasheseaheasheahshehahshehash, Dill "Fairy" Ferret | ||
After Fairy joined, Pshehahshea's old schoolmate P Jizzy, after a failed attempt at playing the trash can in a skiffle band, sent Paehehshsha a myspace message about joining the band. He then sent Paseeehsshheha a recording of his trash can playing to Pashehehehsahs phone. Pahehehehshahs threw up so much after doing large amounts of floyd with Fairy that he accidentally sent back a message saying "yasre" which Jizzy took as "ya sure you can be in our band", as so the four of them began playing in P Jizzy's basement.
Little Boy's Retirement[edit | edit source]
About 2 decades after the band's creation, the little boy who lives down the street "left" the band after not showing up to any practice other than the last one, in which everyone realized his singing was too good for a band and was even better than Hannah Montana's voice. He then ate all of Jizzy's food and left the band nothing but a piece of paper with lyrics on it. As stated by Fairy, "The song was about...the moon or something?" Abraham then agreed, "Ya, I think he just wrote the words to that song about the cow jumping over the moon. He totally copied. Those were my lyrics!"
Name Origin[edit | edit source]
"The Ripper" came from the name of Judas Priest's hit song, "The Person-That-Tears-Papers-In-A-Violent-Way", which Abe and Fairy shortened to The Ripper. (Not to be confused with Rush's "Bytor and the Snow-Ripper" or Jack the Ripper, that cunt that everybody thinks The Ripper is related to)
The Hat Phase[edit | edit source]
Psehehahshehas began wearing a Canada hat to practice before that little boy who lives down the street's retirement, which led to a short downtime period within the band. P Jizzy didn't mind it until it began to control the band. As quoted by P Jizzy, "That damn hat of yours has caused nothin' but trouble. I think that it should have stayed inside of it's bubble. WRAP." Fairy then clarified, after Jizzy's attempted rap, "It's starting to tell me how I should play guitar, and only I can tell me how to play guitar." The hat felt unaccepted and then left the band, leaving only some lyrics about the moon or somethin--wait...what was I talking about? Damn floyd...
The (Only) Gig[edit | edit source]
At the beginning of 2009, P Jizzy and Abe set up their first gig at their preschool's school carnival, with Little Timmy sitting in as a session musician on base. They wanted to play on the stage, but were forced to play in the blow-up slide because of this guy. It sucked because the sun was so hot that Fairy's face began to melt from something other than his guitargasms, and Psehehshas's excessive sweating caused him to desweat, and caused Jizzy to start playing a hip hop trash can riff. When Abe asked why Jizzy was doing this, Jizz was quoted as saying, "Are you serious? This is so mysterious. I wish it wasn't so hot and the kettle ate the pot." Fiary was then quoted as saying, "What?"
The End of the (Only) Gig[edit | edit source]
The gig was a huge success, selling nearly zero tickets, which supported Fairy's ear transplant and Abe's terrible-guitar-playing disease charity. Jizzy also made two bucks after he put all of the litter on the ground into his trash can. He was quoted as saying, "I was just trying to change the pitch of my trash can." After realizing he hadn't rhymed, he added, "I think that guy's girlfriend is a man." Saying this led to the band getting kicked off of the premesis, because of the man being the wife of the principal. Little Timmy, after last being seen playing bass by a old-fashioned well, was never seen again.
The Demo Tape[edit | edit source]
After some random funk improv playing, the band found an old empty tape in Fairy's cassette player. Passhehesas then decided they should make a recording of their shit playing, composed of 6 tracks, plus a bonus track. They spent 5 years recording, releasing their demo in 1978. It's popularity was largely overshadowed by the release of ACDC's Powerage, but mostly because nobody knows who the hell they are, even today. Seriously, who are these guys?
Rise to Fame[edit | edit source]
(Currently is none)