User:Aybabtu/Pasghetti

Pasghetti (SPA: /puh-SKEH-tee/) is an Italian food made from noodles, tomatoes, meatballs and sometimes mushrooms as well.

The Entire (Hi)Story of Pasghetti

Pasghetti was developed in Italy ca. 6000 B.C. and has since then become a worldwide favorite among Italians and non-Italians alike.
The name derives from its inventor Giuseppe Battista Pasghetti, a Roman cook, electrician, and linguist who discovered methatesis and many other linguistic phenomena.
As a boy, Pasghetti loved to cook, after all he was Italian ^{[citation needed]}. He was very familiar with the many cooking methods of the time and was the personal cook for Julius Cæsar.
Although there was about nothing young Pasghetti couldn't whip up in the kitchen, he seemed quite unsatisfied with the contemporary culinary customs of then present-day Rome. “Something's missing… There must be something else!”, he said ^{[citation needed]}. One day in the kitchen, Pasghetti, out of boredom, took off his collander, which was an ancient Roman headdress, and squeezed some batter through the diminutive sweatholes which adorn the top of these Roman castorial accessories, and curiously watched the dough come through.
“My”, he thought (but in Italian), “I've never seen pasta look so damn silly!” He continued, “How the hell could you eat this? You'd have to suck it up!”, whereupon little G.B. slurped up one of the then unknown forms of pasta into his mouth. “Wow! That was fun! On gunna try that again!” And he did. And he kept on slurping until the entire plate was empty.
“Hmm. Y'know, it's not half bad, but… it needs something else…” He then looked in haste for some turnips with which to mix these strange slinky shapes of pasta, but couldn't find any. In fact, he had been so busy that day with all his chores that the only food left in the kitchen (other than dough) was balls of meat which had acquired their shape in an impromptu attempt to send more meat to Master Cæsar who was very picky about people getting too close while he was eating and thus required certain foods be passed (or "rolled") to him from a reasonable distance—specifically from the other side of the table (!)—, some chopped tomatoes, and a block of Farmer John cheese (from Italian: parmigiano).
Posthaste, he mixed together the few elements he had at the time and presto he had a meal, albeit a bit odd-looking. He had apparently lost track of time in all the frenzy and it was nearly time for Cæsar's dinner. No sooner had he realized this unpleasant fact than he heard his master call out, “Hey! Where's my damn food?” “Oh shit! ^{[citation needed]}”, thought Pasghetti, “I completely forgot about making His Highness' supper!”
Faced with a Hobson's choice of sorts, young Pasghetti had no other alternative but to serve what he had just prepared to his master and "hope and see" if he likes it. The emperor took a look at the meal which had been brought to him and thought, “Hmm. Interesting…” Ole' 666 took a bite of it, poor Giuseppe nervous as a boy scout in a dark tent, and suddenly the former exclaimed, “Whoo! Datsa spicy meatball!” Right then and there, our Pasghetti knew that he had stumbled upon a miraculous discovery (having pleased a potential Antichrist) and went on to produce this new-found delicacy in various ways all the days of the rest of his life. And the legend lives on—and so does the pasghetti.

Etymology

Pasghetti, as you have just read, is named after its inventor Giuseppe Battista Pasghetti, Roman cook extraordinaire, among other things.

How Pasghetti Became Spaghetti

Today, children often pronounce it spaghetti, which is a bit of a malapropicism, since the earliest known cook by the name of "Spaghetti" was Giancarlo “Gianni” Tedesco Spaghetti, of 5th century Palermo (that part of Sicily getting kicked by lo Stivale), well after the creation of this food. This oft-made mistake among children may seem a trifling form of methatesis (another invention of Pasghetti), but had actually occurred as early as the late 5th century when Bern model Eva van Kuhlo had been elected Miss Swiss Miss of 681 and was awarded a huge dinner (after all even models have to eat^{[citation needed]}) complete with Chef Spaghetti's own rendition of the already well-known pasghetti.
As Eva was a complete airhead, and had fumbled many a word in her days, coupled with the similar-sounding namesakes of Pasghetti and Spaghetti, she persistently called this dish “spaghetti”, much to the chagrin of Gianni Spaghetti, who knew he was not half the cook Pasghetti was. She had even managed to swipe the recipe from Spaghetti. So fascinated was she by this Mediterranean meal, that she subsisted almost entirely on it for months, encouraging others to do the same.

Spaghetti Goes Commercial

Chef Boyardee as he appears today

In the summer of 682, Fräulein van Kuhlo met who was to become her future husband, Ettore Boiardi, an ex-executioner turned manufacturer. Eva introduced pasghetti to Boiardi and convinced him to put it on the market. At first, they struggled for a name for the product. “Which sounds better: Pasghetti or Spaghetti?”, asked Eva. “Everything that comes out of my factory must bear my name,” insisted Boiardi. “How about Spaghetti di Cuoco Boiardi?” suggested van Kuhlo. “Perfect,” replied Boiardi. And they went with that and things were never the same for pasta eaters.

This product continued to be produced under this name, but eventually went commercial and is now marketed under the label Chef Boyardee.