User:Apollo1758/project27
| High School Musical | |
| |
| Directed By | Kenny Ortega |
| Produced By | Satan |
| Written By | EuroSatan |
| Distributed By | Disney Channel |
| Release Date | June 6, 2006 |
| Running Time | Feels like forever, but its 100 minutes |
| Country | United States |
| Language | English |
| Would Paris Hilton watch it? | Only if she's drunk |
| Official Website (Don't click here unless you're suicidal) | |
High School Musical is the first movie in Disney's series of propaganda spreading children's films. The movie was created in 2006, when Disney executives launched a plot to take over the Earth, and rename it Disney World. Disney figured that to conquer the whole world, first it must brainwash the children of the United States by making them sing songs at seemingly random moments, until their parents are forced to take them to Disneyland or Disney World for further brainwashing. Once they become adults, Disney will form the Disney Party and seize control of the U.S. government from Democrats and Republicans.
High School Musical has been a massive success, with 7.7 million people in the US watching it just in its premiere broadcast. The movie's soundtrack was the best selling album in 2006, and you will soon be overrun by Disney! Don't panic because Aladdin knows where you live, and his genie will grant you 3 wishes, so use them wisely. Just don't wish for High School Musical or Disney to cease to exist, since Tinkerbell is eavesdropping on everything you say. If you don't comply, Mickey Mouse and his cartoon army will enslave you and force you to play the leading part in the next High School Musical!
Characters[edit | edit source]
Troy Bolton[edit | edit source]
Troy Bolton is a guy who plays on the basketball team. He is the best white guy on the team. His girlfriend is Gabriella Montez, who is a Mexican he likes to fuck after basketball games. Troy sings randomly throughout parts of the movie, especially when he is around Gabriella. Gabriella can't understand much English, so she is able to tolerate his annoying singing, and doesn't care. He also sings while he is in the shower, and during sex.
Gabriella Montez[edit | edit source]
Gabriella Montez is a shy girl who first meets Troy at a New Years' Eve party when someone makes them sing karaoke together. After Christmas break, she is a new girl at East High School, where she finds out Troy goes. They both audition against Sharpay and Ryan for the leading roles in the winter musical. Then, they become a BF and GF and have their first kiss under the stars in the middle of summer between junior year and senior year. In senior year, Gabriella falls in love with Troy and begins to miss him when she has to move away.
Chad Danforth[edit | edit source]
Chad Danforth is one of the few black guys in the movie, and also plays on the basketball team. Chad Danforth has no girlfriend! He is one of the few non-white/hispanic people in the movie to speak English without a funny accent. He is obsessed with basketball as much as he is with fried chicken. He has a huge afro, and spends most of his time running through his afro with a pick. For some odd reason, he sings in a strange, high-pitched voice. Because of his horrible singing, he fortunately doesn't have much singing parts in the movie, but keep a hard object to hit your head with for the parts of the movie in which he does sing.
Sharpay Evans[edit | edit source]
Sharpay Evans is a dumb blonde who is also amazingly hot. Even though she is hot, she is also a spoiled brat, and is jealous of Gabriella Montez and Troy Evans for not giving her any birthday presents last year. She was never spanked by her parents as a child. She usually wears see through clothing, and never wears any underwear. Before every scene is shot, Sharpay Evans gets soaked with several gallons of cold water to make sure she is completely irresistible to all men. She has more STD's than any other girl at East High since she changes boyfriends as much as she changes outfits.
Ryan Evans[edit | edit source]
Ryan Evans is Sharpay Evan's brother. Ryan Evans has no girlfriend! The closest thing he has to a girlfriend is his sister, who forces him to be in the Drama Club with her. Ryan and his sister get into arguments frequently, which end with Sharpay slapping him in the face and him crying. Ryan Evans also likes to sing, and sings 5 songs.