Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/wilfrancis
===WiL Francis
FairyGarland 07:45, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
oh ok, might as well, not fair to keep people waiting too long in the pee queue and i promise this'll get done much faster than your Aiden article. i may do your other articles too, i just thought i'd let other people do those as its good to have some variety. Have Fun! MuCal. Orian57|Chat|Chuckle|PEE List|Awarded|UnBlog|
22:11, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | well i didn't find it laugh-out-loud funny but there was some bit's that made me grin so presumably people better versed in WiL Francis will find it funnier although i can see that you've tried to make the jokes as acssable as possible. one thing about the article is that it felt a bit too much like an "I Fancy WiL" fest. and that wasn't exacly funny. |
| Concept: | 7 | was a little worried that there may not be enough to write about but, even without the lists, it seems to have worked out ok. you do have some good ideas there though there are also some not so great ones (and an in joke (leave oscar wilde alone! please it's not funny now if it ever was)); for example "WiL Francis was born on the Moon but came to Earth as a shooting star and landed on the door of two ordinary American Seattle folks" too random. try something like "WiL franses was born by a jackal and sired by an annoying demon" although that i find funny as i don't particularly like the guy -- i don't hate him; just don't like him as much as you clearly do, which i think is where you go wrong: you're writing about what you love and it kinda detracts from it. try being a bit more neutral as that can work out to be more funny (it's the same thing with articles that hate what they're talking about). |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | the "really really really really really really really... ad tedium" isn't very good and just looks messy and as if you want the article to look longer but not be. shorten to just four maybe five reallys.
the discography isn't really nessesary, it's already on the Aiden article and this article is just about the guy so just get rid of it (that may be how they do stuff over at wikipedia but that's not how its done here, sonny jim(or "daugtery jim" as the case may be)). the notes section too is just boring and unnecessary. also get rid of filmografy as the only half way funny joke is that he was in edward scisor hands but even then it's just one line between two other bad ones, and it's a list. however your "Fan following" section has some redeeming value what you need to do is re-write it as a peice of prose. not that i mean to sound too pretentious but i think something like this: WiL has gained quite a following of will work. though maybe not, it's up to you and that ^ may need expansion to become descent enough and probably should be altered by you so it fits in with the rest of the article -- i'm simply saying that kind of thing. other than the ugly lists though it mostly seemed ok but take out the random quotes, they're too weird, in-jokey amd frequently unfunny: simply a bad idea. |
| Images: | 8 | all 3 images were decent enough and in context they were ok. the first was ok but what is with the white space at the side of it? if you can chsange that do, just for neatness. the second image, is there anyway of removing the writing that is on the pic? would be better if you could as it kinda renders the caption redundant. also the second caption you could probably mention that "it was this shoot that brought WiL to the atention of gay men", or something. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.75 | averaged your other scores. |
| Final Score: | 33.75 | not much else to say but it's a pretty decent aticle, just needs tidying. and if you have any questions or insults for me go to my talk page and i'll be happy to answer or be offended by them. |
| Reviewer: | Have Fun! MuCal. Orian57|Chat|Chuckle|PEE List|Awarded|UnBlog| 01:07, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
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