Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Your Math Tutor(3)
User:JackOfSpades/math[edit source]
Looking for something a little more in-depth. Tags said he has a review 1/2 finished so there's that. 
(talk) 02:19, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | READ CONCEPT FIRST! Everything will make sense if you do. Well, to put this simply, it really isn't all that funny. I know that may sound harsh, but I think it is fair when you take a step back and see what it is exactly that you are making fun of. The only thing there really is, is the fact that a math tutur is teaching things to a student that are way below his level. Now, this may be strong, but the whole math tutor kind of personality can be done WAY better. Explained in concept. But anyways, for humor, I will go by section by section.
Intro: 3 Reading it through, there is really nothing funny here. I know this may be a section to set up your article and give it platform, but you need to make it more than that! You need to make it so that the reader wants to read on! Give it more personality and tone. Make the reader laugh at the beginning. Doing that will make the rest of your article easier to read. As you have it now, I think we can both agree it is dull. Read concept to get an idea of how I think you can improve the character's whole personality, and try to use it in here. Addition and Subtraction: 4 Better, taking in the fact attempts at humor were sought after. Lots of them were misses though. The best part was the fact that everyone can relate to a tutor going back into days of Kindergarten to review things. But still, a lack of personality in the tutor takes away from this. All of the answers being 42 isn't particularly funny either. Now, if you were to follow my ideas on concept, and have the tutor really gay and corny, you could have him say every answer is 69. "Ya I know every answer is 69 isn't that hilarious, you can relate to the humor in that right?" Multiplication and Division: 5 The high point in your article. Only because aggression is arising and the tutor starts to look pathetic. You still need to add more though. You reuse the "I already learned this joke" and by this point it is starting to become old. Again though, the character of the tutor needs to be built up more so this rage can become more humorous. Algebra: 4 Algebra, first of all is spelled wrong (or was when I first wrote this). Again, this is all basic silly math humor. And it really does nothing more than crack a small smile. Again, this repeats jokes such as all the answers being four. Also, alot of it is a litte bland. Trigonometry, Limits, Integrals, e, Natural log, Common log, Powers, and Functions: 5 Another stronger section, just because of the shock value...I guess. But it is a litte weak of an ending. Also, it feels like this could go longer. I have an idea to help boost this score drastically and I will tell it in concept. |
| Concept: | 5 | Decent. Having a teacher review basic things for a high school student only has so much potential. You tend to use lots of weak based math jokes that ultimately aren't too funny. Despite that though, your concept is good. Your execution is just a bit weak. Remember, this article isn't on math, it is on math tutors (hence the title). That is why I really think you need to develop the character of the tutor. my idea, is that you need to make him really corny and buddy budyy ish.
For example, in the beginning, you should have the tutor saying things such as, "Hey bud! I know lots of people think math is "boring" and "silly", but I am here to show you how whack it is! It has to be the most rad thing in the world! And don't think of me as some boring meanyhead. I am your friend! Your bro!" Have him use lots of lame, outdated slang terms. Make him say jokes that aren't funny. Have him be so corny that it embarrases the student. If you don't quite understand, just ask me and I will try to spell it out more clearly. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | A but weak here still. I will just list a few things you should do.
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| Images: | 8 | Strongest point! The pictures are great and with great captions. "I'm so cheesed off right now" is exactly the kind of stuff I am looking for with the better character development. Also, I liked the clothes. I can only suggest to add more to clear white space. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6 | Averaged |
| Final Score: | 30 | Decent. Needs more laughs and some character development will really help this. As far as VFH I would vote weak against because of the messy formatting and weak humor in some sections. But with a good polish and reworking, you could easily push through abstain and get a for vote from me. Nice work! If you have any questions feel free to ask me on my talk page. Good luck! |
| Reviewer: | Tagstit talk contribs awards 15:44, 14 May 2009 (UTC) | |