Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/You Have a Problem

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You Have a Problem

RAHB wrote I Have A Problem and thought I could do it one better, taking the basic story line and going about the punch line in a different fashion by picking on the French, and who doesn't love picking on the French? Again, I know the premise isn't original. I just wanted to see if I could get a different laugh going a different way with the set up - because with a French Chef, the ingredients are never his problem, they are yours you Philistine. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 20:43, October 17, 2011 (UTC)

Humour:	7	*Some very funny lines in here. There's not many gags as such that I could suggest adding in there, although I have mentioned something in concept about the humour of it all. Exaggeration will make some of the jokes in here work better, though. I'm thinking of Monty Python French restaurant sketch. Ignoring the grossness here, one of the things that makes this so funny is John Cleese as the French waiter. It is his excessive stereotype French that works well here. A true Frenchie wouldn't say "Hello" - he'd say "'Allo".
Concept:	7	*Not a completely new concept, true, but executed well. Fine dining and commercial eateries are miles apart. France is the home (in their opinion) of fine dining, and America is the birthplace of the most internationally recognisable fast food chains. Having someone who fancies themselves as Maxim's de Paris quality working in KFC gives you a source of conflict. And much comedy comes from conflict. This could be expanded on by rhapsodising about duck a l'orange while bemoaning more about having to make Buffalo chicken. I'm not as happy with the ending as I am with the build-up. While I don't dislike the ejaculate aspect, it seems to be taking this somewhere that doesn't work as well as it should. Either this needs to be hammed up - going into methods of producing the ejaculate by slathering himself with butter, for instance - or going in a different direction entirely. Being that this is a first person article, we should be able to build a picture of the individual that we're listening to that remains consistent. If he graduated at 21, and is now 34, how has he been there for 20 years? Breaking the image of the narrator may have been intended as a gag, but it detracts from the concept.
Prose and formatting:	8	*Something about magna cum laude sounds odd from a French school. True, they do have cum laude and summa cum laude as their honours system, but for me it would sound much better as avec grande distinction (with great honours) which is the equivalency of cum laude. No issues that I picked out in spelling or grammar, but I was a little lazy here. The American spelling did drive me up the wall, but that is a personal thing. Layout is fairly standard - nothing that exceeds expectation, but nothing to be disappointed about.
Images:	6	*Overall good images and captioning. I don't know about the image of the kitchen that you chose though. I have no issue with it, but it just doesn't seem to quite work as well as it should. Google images should give you a few options to choose from. I'd look for something that is gleaming clean with plenty of space and numerous chefs. Bright and shiny is the key, as the caption is supposed to make you think of the opposite - the bigger the difference between the image and the imagined reality the bigger the joke.
Miscellaneous:	6	*Overall enjoyment score
Final Score:	34	*A little rewriting to accentuate the humour in here is the way I would suggest going. I would probably vote for it on VFH as it is, but a few more touches and I'd be likely to nominate it.
Reviewer:	Pup 01:18 04 Jan '12