Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Should you get a new couch?
Why?:Should you get a new couch?[edit source]
Anyone want to pee all over this one?
Leutnant Herr Thatdamnedfollowspot 22:09 Sunday, August 29, 2010
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This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned. |
Considering the length of this article, I'm not sure I'll be able to get this in depth, but I'll take a shot at it anyway.--
(CUN) 00:22, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8.5 | I usually try to go through an article section by section here, but as my comments apply to the article as a whole, and the paragraphs are mostly the same, I'll try and just review it as a whole here.
Your article is pretty funny. You've got a good subject here and you've used it quite well. I know your style here isn't all that original (at least you gave a reference to the articles that you had gotten the basic structure from), but this is still great. I see it's a featured Why. The next step is to get it featured on the main page. To do that we may need to tweak it a bit. Not a lot, but put in the finishing touches and put it in it's prime. If you do this I think it will definitely have a chance of becoming a feature. First of all, there are times when you say things back to front. 'I kid you not'. I'm not sure if this is a mistake but it should be fixed, as it just doesn't fit in with the colloquial style of writing you have used. Completely unrelated to the humor, I think you need to change the title of your article. Instead of 'Why?:Should you get a new couch?' it should be 'Why?:You should get a new couch'. You probably already know how to move pages, but if you don't you can just ask me on my talkpage. The other things is, considering you have slightly based this on I lost your pet ferret, your article is just a bit to much straightforward talking. You have these little events here and there, these little stories, that you could definitely go more into. Even when the narrator throws away his friend's couch, you could go a bit more into that. And that brings me to the another point - you may want to put a bit more variation into the article. I know it's really short, but It can still be a bit the same throughout the article. As I said above, I like your initial ideas, but to put some variation and a lot more humor into the article, you have to try and milk out these little ideas to their potential. Always try and bring up something new in the next paragraph, so just as the reader begins to think 'This is getting a bit boring', you hit them with something new and funnier. Like a good story, you've got to try and build the tension in an article. I also don't quite like your ending. It's way too abrupt. 'Sorry, man' just doesn't do it for me, and I'm kind of disappointed you had to end it that way. Maybe his friend attacks the narrator? Or could you end it with the same as the other two stories, with the guy asking to be lent ten bucks? Or maybe his friend comes back the next day, and then starts going on about his bed or something. This is a good concept to milk out a nice ending, so spend some time on it to get the best comical effect you can. |
| Concept: | 8 | Good concept, but I still feel you can do a little better with it, as I have gone into in the above section. But you’ve still done it much better then the majority of people out there could of done, and made into something very funny, so I congratulate you on that. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | Well, of course your style of prose is great. There are definitely still a few little things that have hurt the style, as I have gone into in the humor section, but other then those little things your style is great – a first person, casual kind of style. This is a very funny way to approach your subject, and you've done it well.
There are a few spelling mistakes here and there, so you should re-read your article and check those out. They aren’t a huge problem but do need to be fixed, as bad spelling and grammar always hurst the flow and humor of an article. On the subject of formatting, your article has no real big flaws. It doesn’t look amazing but it looks good, so that score can stay up as well. |
| Images: | 8 | Well, your images aren’t particularly funny. Sure, the first couch DOES look horrible, and so does the second one, but they’re not going to get any laughs on their own. Which is why it is great you have added some good captions in. Captions can be gems if written well, and you’ve done them pretty much perfectly here.
The only flaw in this section is that both images are pretty much the same idea, with a different couch. And aren’t we talking about only one couch here? So, one couch picture can be good. Then we have the space to add a different picture, of one of the different aspects of the article. If you decide to build a bit more on the article and beef it up a bit, this might be easier, especially if you add some more ideas here. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8.5 | My overall rating of your article, give or take a decimal or two. |
| Final Score: | 41 | Nice work here! Very well written and some great humor in it. The only standing between it and VFH are the few things I have mentioned in this review. Once they have been sorted out, I’d love to see it have a shot at the front page. I hoped I have helped! |
| Reviewer: | -- (CUN) 00:59, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
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