Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Is She Taking So God Damn Long In The Bathroom?
Why?:is she taking so god damn long in the bathroom?[edit source]
My first Why? article. Hope you like it.
* Flumpa 
17:51, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 | REJOICE! Javascap has reviewed this article! |
| Humour: | 7 | The opening to this article served as a decent introduction. While, as per expectations, it was not the funniest section, the tone did serve for a light does of amusement owing to the title. I am assuming this article is written from the POV of a teenage guy, and because of that, having “me” play around with my hair was a good touch.
The “Just Fixing Hair” part was enjoyable; I liked how the reader underplayed the importance of time, and noted that there were five hours to the closing of the restaurant, which was funny in its own fascinating way. The referral to Bush as a redneck without jabbing too much of a joke was enjoyable, no laments there. The Osama reference was also well-placed, and an interesting way of extending the length of this particular article. The “Teeth Brushing” section was, from my POV, the funniest section in this article. The search for the iPod, accompanied by the sudden burst of music, stirred with a healthy helping of overreaction, was enough to actually make me laugh. Although I think the reaction could have been milked a bit more, a decent job was done linking the reaction to the “Where the fuck is she?!” The ditching section seemed to go a bit overboard on the Crassness rule, but was humourous all the same because of that. Although I would encourage you to remove some of the crassness, it is fair enough as is. As for the humour, I would say that it was, frankly, not even present. While the references to various celebrities caught with their pants down, (for lack of a better term) was amusing, it wasn’t really funny. I think HTBFANJS could serve as a refresher course for this section. At long last, the section came where the girlfriend finally emerges from the bathroom. I liked how you had the “reader” get all excited that, at long last, the girl was coming out, than having all the hopes and dreams come crashing down when she breaks up with him for the same guy mentioned earlier. I loved how you ended the article, (Well, this is awkward, isn’t it?). I will say it was a nice ending. Bearing everything in mind, I would have to say that if 7 is average, and this article is average, than this section gets a score of… 7 |
| Concept: | 6 | While I remember seeing a while back an article (Breakup Letter or something like that) I will say that this article serves as a fresh spin on an interesting point. From my experience, women DO tend to take longer in the bathroom, so that DID somewhat increase my expectations for this article. I think that you did try very hard to make this article work, and honestly, it did, I just think the sections could have been expanded, a few more jokes elaborated on, and other reasons for the time taken thought of. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | Overall, your prose was good and well-written, sensible, and, although it did not precisely follow the standard paragraph form, there are a lot of articles that don’t. You DID run into a few problems, though. The speed at which the article was read gave the impression that this occurred over the course of five or so minutes, rather than the length of time I would expect (Hours), the only thing you need to focus on in this section. |
| Images: | 7 | Before I even go any further into this review, I will say that the right side is a bit packed due to the concentration of pictures to that side. I would STRONGLY recommend bumping one of the pictures to the left. The image box of the “Why?” is the default with any article of this category, hence the rational that you CANNOT get rid of it. The image of the girl (I presume, subbing in for what the date would look like) was a decent picture, and the caption placed in describing the hair was humorous and well placed.
In relationship to the text, I actually think it’s the image of the guy that could use a bump to the left. I honestly believe the caption can stay, so don’t worry about it. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7 | Avg’d as per Pee Review guidelines |
| Final Score: | 35 | A good article shaping up here, I would not vote to delete it, but at the same time, I would not vote to feature it. Here is what I think you could do…
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| Reviewer: | Warm Regards, ▀ĴαVắśСąР▀ 10:44 December 19 2023 | |