Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Valis/Akward misdialing
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User:Valis/Akward misdailing[edit source]
Valis (talk) 19:32, 16 February 2013 (UTC)
| Humour: | 1 | I know this is your first article and that you've made it in your userspace so you could work on it but it's very random. It seems to go from talking to someone's mum about sex to masturbating over John Lennon to then contemplating suicide and imagining Lady Gaga naked. The bad flow throughout combined with the randomness doesn't leave much for one to find humourous. I suggest a good read of HTBFANJS for some help with this. |
| Concept: | 3 | I really don't get what this article is meant to be about. It just leaps from one thing to another so randomly. Despite the misspelt title, I can tell this is about the awkwardness of accidently calling your mum about what happened last night but after that it just doesn't make any sense with regard of the concept of this article. The idea of that awkward conversation could work well provided there is a strong subject and strong source of humour as an effective backbone but in its current state it really does need a lot of work. |
| Prose and formatting: | 1 | Spelling mistakes galore, most noticeably in the title, and a bad usage of wiki code. The spelling and grammar can easily be fixed with some proofreading and you can learn how to properly format your article by simply taking a look around at other articles to see how they're laid out or read through some of the help pages. |
| Images: | 0 | There aren't any; an article of this subject could definitely benefit with some images to help make it more appealing. |
| Miscellaneous: | 1.3 | Average calculated score |
| Final Score: | 6.3 | I'm suspecting that you requested this pee review a little bit too prematurely. You have a fairly good idea of how an article like this could be structured with the whole mother background but in its current state it's more likely destined for QVFD than VFH if it were moved out of your userspace. I'd suggest a complete rewrite based on what I've written above. Don't feel disheartened by this review as even the best writers have been through stages like this with their first articles. I do have faith that if you put your mind to it you can write a good article on this subject, you just need to take a step back and take some time with this; an article that takes 1 hour of thought is more often than not better than one that takes 5 minutes of thought. Good luck and feel free to let me know if you need any assistance. Hope this helps! |
| Reviewer: | -- Lost Labyrinth  • (t) • (c) • (a) 15:33, 18 February 2013 (UTC)
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