User:Valis/Akward misdailing

Hey, baby! We had fun last night. Maybe we could do this again. Maybe this time we could have sex in a pool. How's your dic... Oh... I see, wrong number... Hi, mom.

Lets's clear something up...

  I know I am only 20 and that we made a deal that I will whait till mariage, but I didn't believe youactualy tooken that seriously. That was between me masturbating on John Lennon and wondering does that makes me necriphiliac! You don't want to know what that means. I don't want to whait till 25 to get my cherry popped like you! Oh, you DO KNOW what THAT means. Crap. I'm saying those words since I am 12, mom! What kind of mother are you?! Good? Well, maybe I was doing all that to make you care for me! OK, I was doing that because I was horny bitch, but haven't you even CONSIDER that option? You never revarded me for geting A in Math! Or for geting B in History! Or for masturbating in my room only! You never tried to cheer me up after my grandfather died from heart attack while drinking Viagra jerking off on Bitty Schram! You are the worst mother ever! And you know what?! I will have sex today, and you can come and watch!

 Calming down...

  O right, maybe I was little too harsh... Calm down. Slowly pull knife od your throat. Slowly, slowly... OK, don't cry. You are not THAT bad. I didn't even had sex before I was 13! Oh, oh... OK, stay away from the window. Away! Please?! OK. Sit down. Drink some water. DO NOT put rat poison in water! Calm down. Oh, know! Don't choke with water! Spilled it out! Spill it! Threw up! I don't know how! Put spoon down your throat! Or imagine Lady Gaga naked! Here we go. That always works. Now breath. In paper grocery bag, yes. There's a mouse in it?! Don't fall unconcisnouse! Run into toilet! Scream! Breath! Allright. I'm sory. But you will need to realise that I look on life diferenrtly. No, don't cry again! 

Solution

  O right. Let's make a deal. I will continue geting around and lie to you, and you will continue to live in denial. O right? Of course I will Come on Thanksgiving dinner. Bye, bye.