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User:TheLedBalloon/UnBooks

Uh... yeah. Lemme know what you think. Quick review, please. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:06, Feb 3

YesTimeToPee!
Woah, back off there, 'cause it's YesTimeToPee...for YTTE, not you. Sorry, you'll just have to go find somewhere else to empty your bladder, or you can choose to wet yourself. I got this spot, biatch.

Humour:	8	Er, it's funny? /me finishes review Well, that was easy. I like the colonial-styled jokes, I like "I can tell you one thing first hand, dear reader: It is significantly warmer here than it is usually portrayed " and in fact I like it all. I hope this review doesn't turn into too much of a slurry of "well done"s and "I liked"s and general praise. Maybe you could develop some of the situations a little further? I'm not sure, this may ruin the article or it could make a significant improvement in some areas. I feel that I'm left wanting a little bit more. I want to hear about some more of his tropical adventures! Anyway, the humour here is not in your face, it's a more gentle humour. And that's good. It gives you a break from the "OMG! SEX AND RAPING LOL!" humour (on this one: me=guilty). What I would mainly say for improvement is that maybe there should be just a bit more in some places. I dunno, maybe a few jokes could go one or two sentences further. Sometimes you feel like there should be a second punchline, after the first (second after first, NO SHIT!). However, obviously humour is subjective and this may not be really what you're going for. Otherwise, I don't have an awful lot of advice: it's good.
Concept:	8	I could have easily given this an 8.5 or 9 but in the end I decided I'd give you the beautiful round 8. The idea feels sort of done-before, even if it hasn't really been done before. Does that make sense? No? I didn't think so. Well, the idea in itself is fairly original, it just feels to me that it isn't that original, when you read it. The sort of misunderstanding, "I am a colonist" humour... However, to be honest, I don't really care if it's been done before or not. What's important here is that your execution of the idea is very good. I personally love first person/UnBooky articles. i also like your sort of coming-out-of-the-story twist at the end, including the writer in things. "My gaze had wandered upwards, and landed upon the header of this chapter. Deadly Fauna? Uh oh! I knew better than to tempt dramatic irony " - very well done this twist, and funny too. Not much more to say! As I said, you've taken the idea and written it very well, which is to be expected from an experienced writer like you. So, no need for any concept changingness. Concept is just fine!
Prose and formatting:	7.5	Small things, but...links? An occasional space missing and a bit of sloppy use of capitals. But when I say "sloppy", it's only just a little bit. These are very small things. My main criticism would be on your article structure: paragraphs and headers maybe need a little rethinking. But when I say "rethinking" I only mean add one or two carriage returns and a few equal signs. My main problem is with the Village "physician," which is apparently the natives' outlandish term for a surgeon or a doctor, which is what I actually was section, which is too long in comparison with the other sections. The incident with the malaria patient could probably be under another header. The style seems to be pretty much spot on to a Queens English Colonial style. No further problems, here, good work.
Images:	7	All the images are on the right, this is something that just bugs me for some reason. Makes the article look unbalanced and stuff. I would have them alternating sides, but this is a very minor thing. About the images themselves...well, they're average. Hence the score. There's nothing here that blows you away with laughter, but then you rarely want the pictures to upstage the writing. I also have a feeling that maybe all the pictures should be in black and white? You could just quickly zap the first one's saturation. As I believe is the technical terminalogicallyness for it. In the first picture the caption should maybe be just "This penguin allowed me to discover my true location.", instead of the obviously you have in there at the moment. It just makes it feel more like the author actually believes it's a penguin. And it's a bit cleaner, too. Maybe you could add a forth picture, which sets the scene? A picture, perhaps, of a fairly modern town somewhere in the Philippines with a description along the lines of "Look at the horrible, run-down huts these savages live in". Or similar. You get what I mean.
Miscellaneous:	7.6	Av...av...av...average!
Final Score:	38.1	Good work. This is a nice, solid article, which could become great with a bit of good old polishing. Just read the whole thing through a couple more times and you'll probably pick up on a things you'd like to change or tweak. I would say expand, tweak and polish. Think about the pictures and ignore all/some of my advice as you see fit! Good luck and this is could be in sight of a VFH with a little bit more work on it. I don't feel I've really said enough here, but then I've never done a quick review before. I have a feeling this was a bit too long for a quick review! Sorry about that.
Reviewer:	- [20:41 4 February 2009] YYettie