Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:SysRq/Millions of Americans
User:SysRq/Millions of Americans[edit source]
Alright, here we go again, trying to get a goddamn article reviewed. Maybe the title will attract people to this one; I think it's a clever concept myself but I'll let you be the judge. PEEING members only, please, as always. Thanks in advance. sir
sysrq @ 15:01 Dec 2
- I'm almost done here...and in this case I mean it. BlueYonder
- CONTACT
| Humour: | 6 | I'm writing this section last, so I won't say too much here for fear of overlapping. Anyway, as I'll elaborate later on, this article has some pretty promising potential for humour that is marred primarily by the fact that a large amount of its content-facts about 'Millions Of Americans'-just aren't interesting enough, and aren't interspersed enough with actual humour. Most unfortunatley, much of the article's humour seems to stem from the idea that millions of Americans are here represented by a person with that name-an idea that just doesn't really sustain itself as a fresh humour device throughout the article. I'm sure that isn't really your fault, and it must have been really difficult to avoid falling into that trap, but the fact is that this trap weakens the humour of the article, and you'll really have to take steps to remedy that if you hope the article to be a success (see below for more). |
| Concept: | 6.5 | Hmm...aye, tough-‘un, this. See, one problem I’m sure you’re aware of is that making fun of Americans is a rather used joked around here, and any article on that subject is rather destined to suffer on virtue of that fact.
On the other hand, while the subject of your article is made pretty obvious, you do do a pretty good job of not shoving it in the reader’s face or making them feel like you’re attacking them if they’re American. The use of facts in the article maintains this nicely. Unfortunately, this same use of facts is also a source of criticism, this one a more prominent problem: the facts that make up the article aren’t interesting enough on their own, and aren’t mixed up with enough humour to counter it. The package you’ve put them into-‘Millions Of Americans’ as a person-helps somewhat, but not enough. All in all, the concept is a relatively solid one, but in the end it’s just not interesting/funny enough. There are several ways to fix this-the most straightforward being mixing it with more humour. You could perhaps give the tone of the article a bit more personality (I’ll go more into that in the next section), or perhaps mix some untrue ‘facts’ with the actual facts in a way that makes them look like facts...in short, anything that makes it in any way more funny. Alternatively-and I know a lot of people hate to hear this sort of thing-you could just scrap the article and use the general idea with another subject-what it is should probably be your choice. But I must emphasise that a new article might not prove necessary at all if you truly believe you can make this one work. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6.7 | Not bad. I can’t find any grammatical or spelling errors to speak of, and the article is laid out pretty nicely. Still, the red links-especially the multiple ones in the last paragraph-are a bit of an eyesore, so you might want to consider remedying that.
I can’t really complain about prose, either-it’s consistent, and I suppose this subject is best put forward with a prose that’s neutral and without any specific personality in its voice. However, on that subject, I am, like I said, sure that you know that this subject is a bit tired and the facts aren’t interesting enough, and, like I said, one way in which you might counter that is by giving the prose some sort of personality. Like…okay, I’m at a bit of a loss for good suggestions…perhaps the voice of an Anti-American person, or an overly patriotic American, or the guy’s mother or teacher or…well, I’m sure you can think of something. |
| Images: | 5 | Hmm...not too sure about this. The one of the guy in the canoe, for instance, seems to serve very little purpose and relate very little to the content. The election poster is okay, but I really think something could have been added to it to relate to the words-a picture of a huge crowd, or something else that effectively represents millions of Americans. And as to that one where the election poster is put among those others, the photoshopping, as I'm sure you're aware, is really pretty obvious. I'm not sure if that's intentional or not, but if it is, it's not very clear and doesn't seem to relate to anything in particular (if it is intentional, though, just drop me a line explaining how, and I'll come right back and change the score). All in all, I really think this section could use a bit more work-perhaps a picture of "Millions Of Americans" as a kid, or his mother-a picture that successfully encompasses the state of a nation can work wonders if properly chosen. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.1 | Averaged, as always. |
| Final Score: | 30.3 | All in all, a pretty good idea and relativley solid concept that unfortunatley deteriorates rather quickly and just isn’t interesting enough, but is probably fixable. Hope this helped, and sorry it took so long. |
| Reviewer: | BlueYonder  - CONTACT
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