Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Mattsnow/UnRecipe:Fantastik flavored hallucinogenic ham with Uranium seasoning
User:Mattsnow/UnRecipe:Fantastik flavored hallucinogenic ham with Uranium seasoning[edit source]
Don't read while eating :D
ME --ShabiDOO 19:04, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
Mattsnow 13:56, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7 | Lots of funny moments. I like the whole serious tone while treating an absurd topic. Well done on many counts. Lets do a play by play:
Intro: Funny that you pretend that there was an episode/article from the earlier week. Amber paint sauce is very funny. Gypsy and tipsy refugee, great play on rhyming words. Chernobyl is cute, but also kind of expected, think about coming up with a more creative and or funny way to explain how they came up with or came across the recipe. Foot notes: Avoid lemon scented, you might want to say why (i.e. the lemon may over power the oily taste). Replace nuclear plant with something funnier. Preparation: This is all pretty funny or cute, though I find the order that you list this could be better. Did you consider a "marinade?" of Castor oil and ground poison frog powder? When you mention "make sure you are wearing protective gear" half way though the article, it might be a good idea to say something like "oh wait, I hope your hands haven't fallen off...I forgot to tell you to wear protective gear...you could still save your reproductive cells" or something much funnier than that. I find this section goes a little too far off into absurd land, as, in the beginning of the article you had a much better balance between serious/absurd (i.e. treating an absurd topic seriously). The worm thing is funny though its written a little awkwardly. The kids talking about pink elephant is funny...that being said, pink elephant is a bit of a drug trip cliche...this is a great opportunity to be VERY CREATIVE and also to expand which I will talk about later on. The skin peeling off is funny. The "why would you eat that crap" part, you kind of lose me, and having it be Martha Stewart, I at least, do not think it is a good idea. Now...concept... |
| Concept: | 5 | If the preparation section was a little less absurd and the serving part was cut down to a short paragraph, this would be a funny (though probably not feature-able) article. What will probably make this gold is adding something more to the article. There are various ways you can do this (though in any case you will probably have to change one of the sections). Ideas:
A themed cooking show: First, I didn't think it was a great idea to throw Martha Steward into the article. She wasn't hinted at earlier and the article is nothing like she would present cooking something, even if it was Uranium based. Now, you could definitely make it a "Martha Stewart does radioactive food" but you would have to change the whole tone. She is a motherly, earthy person who treats everything with elegance etc...so she wouldn't talk about putting rods on neighbours cars, or talk about skin melting off (at least not without suggesting which skin creams to use afterwards, or artistic ways to make the drug trips more visually and experientialy more pleasant). Or it could be a "Alcoholic father ruins thanksgiving" kind of cooking show, where he is so drunk he has no idea what he is doing, does everything in front of the family while they try to stop him, and while he tries to force-feed it to the kids, they eventually subdue him by hitting him over the head with the rod or force him to eat some of the food, probably killing him off once and for all. Well...thats one way to add something more and make the concept a lot more dimensional or clear. Another possibility would be to take out the narrative and make it more encyclopedic/recipe like. Get rid of the "watch the skin fall off, your wife think about dildos" and make it more about, Typical reactions, the history of cooking with uranium, and make it seem like a much more serious article. To be honest, it seems like you are trying to combine both ideas (that is, both a serious article about an absurd topic, and at the same time a theme cook show/family narrative) and I dont think you can do both of those well. In any case...this is a GREAT START, its already really funny and it can only get SUPER HILARIOUS and really amazing. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Couple things to think about (we are both not super proficient at colloquial English but here are some recommendations): Lone remaining arm = only remaining arm. Deeply fried brain = profoundly deteriorated brain. Mouth already watering = my mouth is already watering.
Ingredients: Funny...though there might be too many ingredients, as a couple of them are more cute than funny. Whole grinded = whole ground. Pusher ran dry = dealer has run dry OR if you like having something that grows in the dish. |
| Images: | 5 | The first image is very good if you chopped it. WELL DONE! The second image is okay, but I cant really tell that those are maggots (call them maggots, not worms). Consider chopping some clearer maggots onto meat. The last image, well, I don't think its a good idea...and I know you can come up with something better (though the caption is pretty hilarious). Why not find an image of someone puking blood? In any case, if you try to structure the article with a more clear idea/concept, then you'll probably have to add more images. |
| Miscellaneous: | 10 | Ten points because you are awesome. |
| Final Score: | 34 | Cant wait to read the final product! |
| Reviewer: | --ShabiDOO 19:36, July 7, 2011 (UTC) | |