Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Joe9320/Why?:Be a refugee from Encyclopedia Dramatica
User:Joe9320/Why?:Be a refugee from Encyclopedia Dramatica[edit source]
I don't know if this should be a HowTo page.
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill 
| 08:37, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | Its been suggested that I make my reviews more coherent and organised. I will do you the favour of making this one so, possible.
Sorry, but I didnt find the article fuuuuuuuny, in a LOL kind of way. the article is amusing, but not super funny let alone lol. That being said, the article is written in a way that it could be funny if not LOL without having to do too much radical changing. For instance, each paragraph is based on a funny theme, and it could easily finish with a good punch line. Those punchlines are missing, while it takes time to think of them it can be done. That is, they are written in a way that they can either build up to one heck of a laugh. For instance, at the end of the section: What to do if you are an ED user, it ends funny, but you can extend the paragraph further. It ends with you are able to rid yourself of an addiction. What not extend that? For instance: Who would´'t want to give up such an addiction? Writing mediocre articles for a bathroom humour website is the heroin of all ED writers. (And it can be extended even further). Though are you just supplanting that for a new addiction? The uncyclopedia addiction? You can supplant heroin for crack. Crack being the uncyclopedia writers drug. Writing slightly better than mediocre articles and shitting all over each others talk page. Okay, now, this is not super mega hilarious, but as you can see, at the end of each of your cute/funny paragraphs, you can extend the humour to make funny comparisons about the websites ad infinitum. This was just one example. I found the Swiss mirror sight part funny. Is that a reference to wikileas? If so, develop that line of humour further. Why not make more comparisons with wikileaks? I am not a big fan of lists, I think there should only be a list if a) its better to put things in a list instead of in a narrative paragraph form and b) At least 95% of the elements in the list are funny. And of which a couple are LOL. Sorry, but while the elements on the list are cute, and a couple funny, there needs to be a much higher ratio of really funny in a list. Of course, thats my opinion on lists, but if you take a look at great articles, youll see that the ones with lists generally justify why they use them and are smacking hilarious. This, takes a lot of thought and time. In my opinion, its much harder to write a list, than to write paragraphs and there is nothing wrong with having paragraphs. Consider turning the list into narratives. It will also add more meat to your article. One final comment on humour, a lot of it is inside humour. In my humble opinion, there are way too many articles on this website that are super inside humour, like the recent Why like Zombie Baron article. Its just my opinion, it did get featured, but a casual reader will be confused by it (what the hell is this article about anyways kind of reaction), and it wouldnt be a bad idea to explain some of the inside jokes (cause even I realise that a few of them are big inside jokes but i dont get them myself). As I said, the humour is there is some paragraphs, but funny and lol need to be inserted in there by extending the paragraph to either a punch line conclusion(s) or even better (and more difficult) infusing that kind of humour in the middle of the paragraphs, something that takes even more time and requires a stronger concept. See next section for concept. I did find the vandalise wikipedia part on the list section funny. Expand that...expand! |
| Concept: | 2 | Im a really big concept fan. It can take a long time to figure out how to get a concept into an article. While the idea of your article is clear, by the title alone, how to be refugee from ED, its difficult if not impossible to make a great stellar funny article just form that alone. Its not a bad idea to consider injecting other ideas into the article or add a second idea to make it three dimensional.
For instance, your reference to wikileaks (in the swiss mirror site if thats what it was meant to be) was a great idea. Why not restructure the article along those lines. Align the struggle of losing ED and coming to uncyclopedia like the struggle that wikileaks has had. Thats one idea, but a much easier concept to infuse in the article is that of being a refugee in general. Why not treat the article as though you are explaining the hardships of being a refugee (a person without a home). Play on the shellshock that old ED users faced when learning their precious site is down, the stuggle to find a new home, the question,...will i go to uncyclopedia? why? will they accept me? will I always be an ED pretending to be in uncyclopedia? An article like this will take thought and time to write, even more so to inject humour into it but will be a lot more 3 dimensional than a listy article and you open yourself up to a million ways to be clever and super funny. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | As I said before, consider ditching the lists, or making them extra hilarious. Links links link. The paragraphs dont flow super well (the whole article is a little choppy and having a clearer concept and or ideas and incorporating that into the article will help you resolve that. The narrative itself is fine in fully written paragraphs. However, Ive touched on everything relating to prose in the above sections. |
| Images: | 2 | I like the twin towers, but I dont see the relation of twin towers to the article (its not that obvious). Pictures make articles. Select great ones, chop better ones and justify why you are using them and even more so, put them in the right place with a great caption. The meme picture is cool (though could be chopped much better) but it poorly related to the article. If you have a clearer idea/concept it will be pretty easy to select those images and place them. |
| Miscellaneous: | 10 | Ten points for encouragement cause, first this article is a GREAT idea, timely and it would be awesome to have an article like this for uncyclopedia users to read and refugees to relate to. There are also cute/funny moments. It needs structure, concept and well placed humour. Planing, thinking, concept, time. Ofcourse, all of this is in my humble opinion. things to think about while editing the article. |
| Final Score: | 27 | |
| Reviewer: | --ShabiDOO 15:08, May 1, 2011 (UTC) | |