Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Man uses potatoes to test wi-fi

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UnNews:Man uses potatoes to test wi-fi

IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 21:25 4 July 2013

Humour:	7	I liked your jokes and think that the article is a good parody of the real news. If you want to know how to change the article in general, than look at my advice in the concept part. Here, I will tell yoy about how to change several minor jokes. The third paragraph is very funny: the man uses potatoes as he leaves far away from humans. But I see that there is a good way into making another joke. You say: "20 miles from his neighbours and 30 miles from the civilization". But if you change the word "civilization" into, let's say, "humans", this will meam that his neighbours are not people which is even funnier. In addition to this, why is there no civilization if he is in the Irish capital? This has to be explained more and you can make a joke on the Irish settlements and population which you didn't. Concerning Dublin, in the first sentence you say "30 miles from Dublin", but don't say why the journalist is there until the endof the article ("I decided to leave"). But something should be done at the beginning, as readers might not understand why it is first written "30 miles from Dublin" and immediately after that - "in Dublin". Otherwise, I really liked the way you made fun of people who use potatoes to test for wifi, and you have very nice jokes, such as the 10 year old vice president.
Concept:	6.5	I personally think that your concept is to make fun of the real news which can be considered funny in some parts. So it is very good that you provided a link to the real site, because otherwise readers might not get several jokes and think that you just made this up randomly. Although I found your idea good, especially after reading the real news article, I still think that you have to clean-up several parts where you either State exactly what the real BBC article states ("many people underestimated potato's alternative uses"; "paddy says potatoes "interact" <...> motionless for days"): although these are funny parts, you can still develop them more. For example, you say that "people who would otherwise sit motionless for days". After reading this in the BBC article, I did not believe they said it for real. After that I realized that I misunderstood the sentence and that it catually meant that if we would use men and not potatoes, they would have to sit motionless for days. But you probably noticed that it was not phrased well, so some people may really think that people did seat motionless for days. And if this is not the case, then you do not have any jokes in this part. If you already transform the truth into fiction and misinformate the readers, do it further. You can go ahead and say, for instance, that people whom Paddy used for the wifi tests did not like seating motionless and so he had to invent something else. Make pong lists and include sex toys. I understand that it is a legitimate joke but you can put it only once and notmention it further. This is not a quality but a defect when you use the kind of humor that concerns a person's sex life. Develop more several jokes more. The heading of your UnNews is "Man uses potatoes to test for wifi", but the majority of the article just lists the uses if potatoes and carrots. You don't say why we need to test for wifi and what are the test exactly. Make lists shorter and make the text longer.
Prose and formatting:	8	Your formatting is good and contributes well to the jokes. Your main problem here is the capital letters at the beginning of your quotes, even when they are in the middle of the sentence. I think that you should also reduce the amount of direct speech, as it spoils the impression of the article as well as listiness.
Images:	7	I liked your images, especially the carrots one. Nevertheless, when you see a news article, you expect to see an image that illustrates completely what is happening there. I think you need an image that will show a potato farm, an airplane firm or an image that the BBC has with giant sacks of potatoes and make a funny caption. Concerning the second one, it is another list which, in addition to this, I personally find funnier than the other list inside the article. When someone looks for a picture, he looks for an illustration and not for the text, so I will advise you either to delete the potato list from the article leaving the picture, either to replace the list from the article by the list from the image and delete the image.
Miscellaneous:	7.1	Your average score.
Final Score:	35.6	This is a good funny UnNews but the work is not finished yet. You have to develop the jokes more, probably replace a picture or two and, maybe, proofread it, even though I did not find any mistakes. I know that you would like to feature it but you have to wait a bit until everything that I mentioned is fixed. I enjoyed reading your article!
Reviewer:	Anton (talk) 14:18, 10 July 2013 (UTC)