Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Hello Kitty ships guns to the US
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UnNews:Hello Kitty ships guns to the US[edit source]
Rewrote the whole damned thing. First attempt at an UnNews article, be gentle but honest. Thank you. *hugtackles you if you decide to review it*
-- DameViktoria 
- (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 07:16, 26 Feb 07:16, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
- In case you were wondering what was taking me so long, I actually WAS making cookies. I am now eating said cookies whilst sipping a Diet Coke, as we are all out of milk. Remind me to go to the 7-Day store after this review. Or if you could just get me some milk, I'd give you some of my cookies. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF (@ 23:27 Feb 27)
| Humour: | 6 | Oi. Rough score, I know. But I guess I shouldn't be so harsh, as you're just rewriting a crappy UnNews article, which is hard to do. Anyways, there weren't too many good jokes in here that made me laugh. The bit about turning in your "guns, family and neighbours," was pretty good, there were other good moments in here. But overall, this is just kinda unfunny. Or not funny. I guess it's not unfunny, it's just not funny. You're focusing too much on this ridiculous concept (and I mean ridiculous in a good way) rather than trying to go for the zingers. You gotta get in there and make some good jokes rather than narrating a ridiculous situation. |
| Concept: | 7 | I don't really care for the concept. However, it's not really your concept. This being a rewrite and all, you can't really be held responsible for the original idea. I think a lot of what I said in the previous section applies here as well. The layout of this article is pretty linear. You're just narrating a story. Get original. Find an angle. There's always a better way to write an article. Read up on some other UnNews articles (good ones, mind you) to get some ideas. These are the kinds of skills that will only develop with time and experience, so no worries. Just something to work on. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | I'd say this is a pretty well written article. Watch your red links, I spotted a couple, however why we don't have articles on yen and NYPD is beyond me. It's surprising how many articles we don't have on this site. You maintain an appropriate tone for UnNews, which is much better than the previous version. Nice sources, way to link to both sides of the issue making it funny for both redneck gun-crazy Americans and pussy anti-gun Brits. =D |
| Images: | 9 | This seems to me like the original author came up with this idea after finding these pictures. You've done a good job in your rewrite of trying to steer the article away from that. The images are fantastic, your captions are good, and the placement is fine. No room for improvement here. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.5 | Averaged. |
| Final Score: | 37.5 | Very nice rewrite, it's much better than the original. However, I'd still have to say that a score like that, it's not quite VFH material. Who knows, it may never reach VFH. That all depends on whether or not you plan on working with this or just accepting this very respectable score and moving on to another idea that is much more likely to be VFH material. It's up to you. I'm glad that you're taking an interest in improving articles, conscientious users like you really help to make this wiki better. Nice job on the rewrite. |
| Reviewer: | ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF (@ 23:27 Feb 27) | |