I feel I could have taken this further. Any thoughts? -- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey) 14:12, 30 September 2008 (UTC)
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This article is under review by <font-weight:bold>Gerry Cheevers. Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!! |
| Humour: | 7 | an average amount of humor, but i do agree with you that this can be taken further. i like to do good/not-so-good lists when reviewing UnNewses, so...
'racially motivated'. further investigations of feelings towards other cultures. the program cancer will be required to endure. cancer being replaced in the horoscopes.
(this will be mostly nitpicky stuff, but i hope it will still serve to improve the article). the reference to the british national party was lost on me (american). if the bnp is in fact really right-wing, maybe reword it to say 'although it is not believed to be so conservative as to have any links to the British National Party'. 'stuffy, white, upper class, hereditary peer' could use a better white guy joke. cancer being replaced in the horoscopes by 'that crab thing'; i think the idea is good, but maybe replace it with 'melanoma' or another disease, or something else entirely. i'm not sure why it would be banned from television and the like. |
| Concept: | 9 | i like the concept very much, you've taken a real news article and skewered it in proper unnews fashion. your tone is spot on professional newsy. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | formatted well small grammar/spelling mistakes that will be cleared up by my proofread. |
| Images: | 6 | just the one image. it was relevant, but the caption wasn't anything great. i'm torn on whether you should stick with one, or add another one (potentially a ridiculous one, like a black man being attacked by a crab or something). it's your call on the image count, but i think i', leaning towards one upon further thought. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5 | lower than average for being not 'there'. see final comments. |
| Final Score: | 35 | my preview button tells me that your score is 35. i like this article a lot but feel that it could be expanded and slightly revamped into an awesome article that will almost surely pass VFH. ideas for extra paragraphs: reaction from prominent black people (al sharpton, jesse jackson) and organizations (ACLU). a reference to breast/ovarian cancer being sexist? (in unnewses i find that comparisons to things that are slightly different offer good ideas). a report of disturbing trends among the declining number of gang members (if you want to take the tasteless road). good article, i hope to see it on VFH in the near future. good luck! |
| Reviewer: | SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:39, 2 October 2008 (UTC) | |