Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Shut the Fuck Up
Shut the fuck up[edit source]
ok, sorry, i spelt the article name wrong first (didnt know it was case-sensitive. I fixed it now – Preceding unsigned comment added by Straemer (talk • contribs)
OK, here goes, but be warned: this won't be pretty. --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 16:13, 19 October 2007 (UTC)
| Humour: | 1 | It starts out random. There don't seem to be any jokes in here. It becomes slightly more coherent later, and I almost like the idea of shutting the fuck up in music for effect, but it needs to be fleshed out, and made into the central concept of the article. |
| Concept: | 1 | There isn't a central concept at the moment. Find one, and the article will snap into focus. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | Formatting is OK, spelling needs work, prose style is random, difficult to follow and weak. |
| Images: | 5 | There are some images, both are kinda relevant to Shut The Fuck Up, but not necessarily to the article as it stands. |
| Miscellaneous: | 2 | This is very miscellaneous. |
| Final Score: | 14 | I warned you this wouldn't be pretty. However, before you think this is just a hatchet job, please look at my comments below. |
| Reviewer: | --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 16:13, 19 October 2007 (UTC) | |
OK, this seems very random, and contains name-dropping, pointless lists, and memes. Most of these things aren't popular around here, and we normally see articles like this on VFD.
If you're serious about making a good article out of this, read HTBFANJS, even if you've already read it before. Do it now. Good. Now, the hard part:
Concept is the key here - you don't seem to have one. Pick an idea for the article and work with it, don't just stick in a selection of random lines and ideas that aren't connected. Consistency and a strong central concept are keys to writing a funny article. The "Use" and "discovery" sections make no sense, and as such fail to set the article up. Most people won't read past them s a result. The rest gets slightly more coherent after the list, but still needs direction, ideas and jokes!
Lose the lists, they're pointless, add nothing and aren't funny.
Also lose the Chuck Norris bits - he isn't funny any more. People around here are sick of him!
Being totally honest, I find it difficult to see a way forward for this article, but that doesn't mean it's hopeless. This is a list of users who are happy to help give ideas, or knock an article into shape - ask on their talk pages, they may give you more pointers. If you have a central idea you think will work, you could also let me know on my talk page - I'll be honest about what I think of its chances, and give you any pointers I can. I usually give more pointers than this in a review, but as it stands, I can't think of much to say, and I'm really sorry!
Still, this is only my opinion, others are available, and good luck! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 16:13, 19 October 2007 (UTC)