Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Radical Republicans
Radical Republicans[edit source]
I'm not sure about this one. What do you people think? - T.L.B. 
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:38, Nov 15
- I'm in here now. 24 hours. --ChiefjusticeDS 10:15, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8 | I enjoyed the humour a fair amount and thought that your article was pretty enjoyable. There are a couple of problems to sort out, however, before this article is as good as it can be. The first thing that struck me was that, while portraying the main differences between the north and south as being over skating issues rather than slavery and others is amusing, you need to make sure that it isn't all that makes your article different and that you don't rely on it too much. I think that in attempting to work it into every aspect of your article you have weakened parts of it, case in point: The April fools day joke at the end of the civil war section, while the joke is amusing enough, the ending to the section feels weak and not as satisfying as I had been anticipating. My suggestion would be to keep the pranks idea in, but add another part after it to ensure that it doesn't feel as though you are sacrificing overall quality for a single joke.
The other issue that I noticed was similar to the first. I realise that coming up with another reason why the south would want to secede is difficult but I thought that the idea of it having been because of too much skating on boardwalks was pushing it a bit too far, I think that what you say later in the same paragraph, about it being down to the North performing activities that make them like teenagers and the South being the conservative middle aged members of society works far better. I found that the parts where the text was actively believable (as in I could imagine the events happening in the context of the article) were much more enjoyable where the text was less so. I was also uncertain why outlawing skating on boardwalks in the south would have such an impact in the North, considering the people you say are in the south, is it a question of liberty regardless of location? This seemed like a bit of a problem to me, it may be advantageous to go back and just explain this a bit further, just to strengthen the context of later jokes. |
| Concept: | 8 | I thought that the concept was really good, it felt like a refreshing change from other articles I have read on this topic area. I thought your execution of the tone was near spot on too. The only suggestion I have is that you try to keep things consistent. Having earlier suggested that the southerners were similar in character to middle aged conservatives you seem to U-turn on this later when you have the South responding to the North by saying that they are "like, way bunk". This confused me slightly and I no longer was sure that I had been given the correct impression of what you want the south to represent in this conflict, which is primarily over skating rights, do the southerners just hate skating? Do they prefer another sport? The answers to these questions were not really clear because your tone for the southern representatives changes throughout the article. Besides this consistency problem I thought your tone was very good and you have done an excellent job of integrating the skater dialect into the encyclopaedic tone. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | This is very strong throughout your article and I could only find a couple of grammar problems in the text. I would recommend a quick final check to make sure all your punctuation is placed correctly, otherwise that was pretty good. On your formatting, you have plenty of images which break up the article nicely and your prose aren't too long without a break. The only difficulty I could find was that the first and second images are quite close together, I think this could be swiftly remedied by making the secoind image slightly smaller as it is quite large at the moment. But really I'm nitpicking with that, for the most part you are fine with this one. |
| Images: | 9 | Your images are the part of your article that I had to work hardest to find fault with, what I came up with was that the second image, while perfectly acceptable feels like it should be better, I realise that there isn't really any other way for you to do this, but that was the feeling I got, I just felt it could be a bit tidier if anything. My only other point is on your captions, your first two captions fade into insignificance next to your final one, and while I know it is different to the other two and you are making another joke, I would recommend trying to make it more concise, just so it takes up less room. Otherwise excellent work. |
| Miscellaneous: | 9 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 43 | Ultimately I really enjoyed reading this one and I'm sure others will too, besides a couple of very minor problems you have an excellent piece of work here that kept me interested enough to read all the way to the end witout difficulty. If you have any questions or comments regarding this review then free to leave them on my talk page. Good luck making any changes and well done. |
| Reviewer: | --ChiefjusticeDS 14:13, November 17, 2009 (UTC) | |