Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Queen Elizabeth I

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Queen Elizabeth I

My PLS winner. I aim to get this featured, so it might as well be as good as it can be first. -- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey)  12:35, November 8, 2009 (UTC)

Mind you, this tree is taken! Pee Review In Progress This review is the property of: -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log)

I'll see if I can't get to this during today. I'm a history buff with a certain love or all things non-telly Tudor... (anything to avoid doing homework or household chores, apparently...) -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 13:18, 8 Nov

Humour:	6.5	Currently amusing but not hilarious. You do have some great built-in potential for humour, but it's not quite there yet. Right now, even with the slightly silly language and some intelligently placed linkage-jokes such as Anne of Cleves, the article is essentially still a retelling of Elizabeth's life to a fairly accurate degree. You'd have to come up with some sort of angle to the text that keeps it on the funnier side of funneeh. You seem to be toying with the male vs. female thing, which is a fine and dandy start. You could easily go a little more over-the-top with it, as some stereotypes, such as the Spanish captains not asking for directions and other gender-biased presumptions are funny, easy and you've already got a good start with them. The footnotes aren't the most laughable ones now, they might work better, if the article's tone were much more serious, since then the absurdity of someone complaining about their exes and girlfriends and whatnot would be emphasized. This last paragraph constitutes my opinion, though, but I kindly ask you to consider this.
Concept:	7	Articles about notable historical figures are always welcome. Lizzie is one of the better known cases, which is why I appreciate you making a more serious looking version. Brits have a tender spot for her in their hearts, so not going to zany over the top stuff with her is perhaps a good tactical choice.
Prose and formatting:	6	The text in itself is coherent, well formatted and the prose is good, albeit using a language level appropriate to 12 year old's. The vocabulary and rhetorics are simple and put their point across, even though sentences are exceptionally long. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it just doesn't go well with the serious imagery and the semi-serious tone (although some jokes in there are obvious, the general tone of the article is still serious-ish on a first read). I'd break the Legacy - section down into a sub-topic or two. Right now it's a bit cluttered, and we know how some readers are lazy and just skim through to the pictures in hopes of a quick laugh. The other sections have a decent division and aren't as problematic.
Images:	9	I'm going to wholeheartedly thank you for not using too much spoof images, as this keeps the article seemingly serious and all-proper until you start reading through it. If you want to add something, you can for example filch the world map and colour in her empire before and during her reign... But you can fully well leave it as it is..
Miscellaneous:	7.1	Averaged the score using the pee template... The quote about having the heart and stomach of a king makes me almost imagine "...in a jar" being the expected continuation to said quote, at least by the average monkey of an uncyclopedian. I'm happy you didn't go there, which gives you a bonus 0.5 points ;)
Final Score:	35.6	One thing that won't kill the article but is worth mentioning is that you currently don't have that much links in it. It doesn't retract from your total, though. I'm just suggesting it as a general improvement. One or two more links per paragraph, especially with similar jokes to the Cleves wench could add to the article without being too much work. I do understand why this writ-up earned the PLS. Congrats on that, btw. As you, I'd give what I've said some thought and consider if there's anything that I want to change and then resubmit it for a "quickie" (or even ask me on my talk page to update this review...) I'm sure we can get you onto VFH before the end of the month. Good work! ^_^
Reviewer:	-- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 22:20, 8 Nov

Unofficial Pee Review

If Luvvy hadn't grabbed the Queen within a matter of minutes after the Pee Review request was made--and while I was away from my computer--I likely would have claimed this. Obviously, this was Pee Reviewed already. But considering I was born when Elizabeth was Queen and I'm a huge fan (as Princess Elizabeth she totally rocked with Princess Joanna and Bill and Ted in Wyld Stallyns), I can't resist throwing in my own comments.

First, I'll comment on a few of Luvvy's comments: "thank you for not using too much spoof images"--ditto. Shame on Luvvy for even mentioning the "...in a jar" possibility (even though I agree with her that it wouldn't work); in another treatment, that might actually be funny, but not here. Also I agree with splitting up Legacy, especially as it's the last section. You generally want the end to look no longer, and preferably shorter, than the beginning.

Early life

"...he like many men, was ruled by his penis"--I'd like this better as "most men".

Becoming queen

I would suggest rationalizing Mary's bloody ways by how she was treated by men. The article as it is now seems to move back and forth from women are better than men, period, to Elizabeth is better than everybody else. Why did Mary do what she did? Wasn't she the eldest daughter of that nasty man Henry VIII who got his marriage to her mother Catherine annulled and then kicked Mommy out as queen? I know this is Elizabeth's article, not Mary's, but a short explanation might help keep the article on the man-hating track.

"Edward's feigning of illness...." and then he died.--I like this.

The Spanish Armada

"...I know I have the body...."--I love Elizabeth's speech against the Armada; it's one of my favorite war speeches. "...no sailors onboard would ask for directions"--I would specify these sailors are men.

Legacy

This rather ignores the existence of the Edwardian era, so you might want to explan that away.

"For Elizabeth, however, "new things" meant America and the potato."--I didn't get how "She delivered these by humouring Sir Walter Raleigh..."; this section was a little confusing.

I really liked the "Elizabeth's shoes" part, saying how unimportant they were and then describing them in detail.

Footnotes

8. "My ex liked the first series." For those poor, unfortunate souls who don't know their Baldrick from their balls and dick, you might want to say something like "My ex liked the first series, with that uncouth King Richard IV." Just enough so we know it focused on a male ruler. Also as the unnamed wiki says, the all-male (as far as I can remember; and I'm referring here only to the regulars, not guest stars) fourth series "was placed 16th by industry professionals in a list of the 100 Greatest British Television Programmes compiled by the British Film Institute," but we can wisely ignore that.

Hope this helps! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:33, November 10, 2009 (UTC)