Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Parthenogenesis
Parthenogenesis[edit source]
DougalJabber at me. 10:49, July 2, 2010 (UTC)
- I suppose I'll chuck a review at this. Tomorrow, though. I'm too tired right now. Then again, I never seem to review things the same day as I say I will, anyway, so why am I even bringing this up? Bloody hell... agh, 24 hours. Give or take a time zone. ~
Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100724 - 01:09 (UTC)
| Humour: | 9 | This is so illogical and yet all so reasonable. I love it.
Birds and bees... that part made me laugh, even more so since according to the wikipedia it's actually true. I have to wonder if most of the folks invoking the birds and the bees are aware of this... How Parthenogenesis Works - so.. this has me slightly confused, the bit about the men's reactions - would this not require that they even be allowed nearby at all? The line about accusing the catholic church of being spoilsports is just epic. It's not even so much the line as how it is presented... very well done. The technique of adding these lines serves the article well throughout, really. Science and Parthenogenesis - Oh dear. Alcohol... so which group of scientists proceeded with the ethanol experiment? I imagine the british had nothing to to with it... The Result - seems to dud a bit after the glory and explicity of the rest of the article. I'd say this section needs a little expansion or something. Maybe more about the superpowered offspring or lack thereof (for instance, why the baguettes and sauerkraut and whatnot? Or was that just silliness for the sake of silliness?), or even how badly the childhoods of said offspring are even going, or some such. Whatever did they do with that petri dish, after all? (Would they even make it to college?) In other news, nice use of links to make some of the jokes. |
| Concept: | 7 | Concept, eh... concept. All I can really think to say is well done... and also, perhaps, maybe you could tie in the feminists more in the second half of the article? It seems to be split in two halves, sort of, first being feminists and second being superheroes... |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | Eh, check your sentence fluency, mainly commas and periods and a few transitions need help... just read through the thing slowly; most of that should become fairly evident.
The section on Jesus especially needs it. Infertile Girl - Technically, that's only one STD. It wouldn't help against others. Science and Parthenogenesis - Needs more paragraphs. Perhaps stick the British even more on their own as they disrupt everything? Frankly, they seem to be disrupting the flow of ideas by being crammed into so few paragraphs. Or something. Why is Delays capitalised? |
| Images: | 7 | The images only make sense if one actually reads the article, but that's actually probably a good thing. Well worth reading and the images tie right in. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | A number! Huzzah. Good article in general, though, really. |
| Final Score: | 37 | Mostly just needs fluency fixing up. Punctuation, mainly, flow, and to a lesser extent, paragraphing, though that for the most part is great. The fluency trips up an otherwise rather amazing article. |
| Reviewer: | ~  Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100725 - 01:28 (UTC)
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