Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Nairn

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Nairn

Hi guy's, done my first page on my hometown and was looking for a bit of feedback on it simple as that really. DavefaceFMS 11:36, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

I was also trying to include this (without the nowiki's)but Im not sure what's gone wrong.

{{Infobox Place | Name = Nairn | Nickname = Nrrrrrrrn | Image = [[Image:Nairn.JPG|thumb]] | Caption = Actual picture of Nairn from the air. | image2 = | caption2 = | motto = | Anthem = [http://tiny.cc/Nairn Tartan Army] | Dialing code = 0166799473625 | Currency = Pig | opening hours = | general info optional header = | general info optional = | Area = Highlands | district type = | District = Nairnshire | district2 type = | district2 = | Country = [[Scotland]] | geography info optional header = | geography info optional = | Population = 70% OAP, 20% [[Neds|NED]] and 10% Other | ethnic groups = | Languages = Scots, Nairneese or Engrish | religions = | demographic info optional header = | demographic info optional = | government = | Leader type = Idol | Leader = Tilda Swinton | government info optional header = | government info optional = | established = | established2 = | history info optional header = | history info optional = | optional header = | optional1 header = | optional1 = | optional2 header = | optional2 = | optional3 header = | optional3 = | optional4 header = | optional4 = | optional5 header = | optional5 = }}

MAYBE (I'm saying maybe) I will do this. If it isn't done within the next 24 hours or I cancel it, don't review this. --Some Idiot 10:31, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

Tried, failed - couldn't do it. It's cancelled. Sorry. (However, the Infobox should be fixed by deleting all the capital letters in the sections. i.e.'Name:' becomes 'name:'.) --Some Idiot 11:01, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

Cheers I sorted it out with the capitals; couple of little bugs left to sort but don't have much time right now. DavefaceFMS 14:17, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned.

Actually, I've had another go, and the review is nearly done. -- 10:30, August 26, 2010 (UTC)

Humour:	6	Hello Daveface! I'm not even sure if you are still on Uncyclopedia, but seeming as this is the oldest thing on the list, I'm going to remove it from the queue. If you remember from my last review of one of your articles, in this humor section I'll go through each section and give some advice for humor improvement. Each title gets a dot point. Ready? Then let's go... Intro: All you've got here are a couple of facts. Could you add a joke or too, like the churches one you already have, just to spice this part up? Also, you don't need to write down that last sentence. You've already told us that in the infobox, and it's not very funny anyway. On the subject of the infobox, it needs a bit of work. I feel the main problem is you need a better type of infobox, one where you can actually add your own headings and stuff. Don't know how to make one? I'll tell you on my talkpage, so I won't have to fill up this review by telling you here. History: I feel you could build on this section a bit more, especially with the battle section. Also, I'd love to hear about the REALLY early history - when the town came into existance. I'm sure you could think of some wacky and/or funny ways that it was created. Sport: Maybe you should add a little introduction here, before you go into the actual sports themselves. Golf: This is a pretty good section! Nothing major to change here. In fact, I rather like this part. Football: Do you think you could go into more detail about their football team? You start with it saying that everyone from Nairn should hang their head in shame... so does that mean that their team is bad? Explain more... Gossiping: This is good! Nice idea! Culture: This is also good, but I think you should put some funny stuff in about how they do occult rituals...? Or something like that, to do with religion or something... People: I'd like to see this expanded, but it might ruin the effect of the idea. Try out expanding this into a small paragraph, and see how it sounds. I feel the greatest problems with this article lie in the concept section, so I've just given you the above comments to keep this review in-depth, and also as it's just what I usually do. Below is where the REALLY important stuff is. Well then, let's get to it, shall we...?
Concept:	4	Ok, this is where the biggest improvements can be made. There are two main issues here. First of all, your article has been sporked from Wikipedia. In other words, you have basically copied the Wikipedia article and changed it to your needs. Now, this can be funny, when the reader has already read the Wikipedia article. However, the problem with doing it with this is that all you're saying here are facts, and the only way you can get laughs is from what the Wikipedia article has said, and you warp that. The GOOD thing about sporking is that you can build the basic skeleton of an article from it. Here's my advice: add stuff on from just the usually Wikipedia facts. These could be simply jokes, dry humor in which you abuse or ridicule the town, or nonsense facts that are just plain ridiculous (although you should moderate on those). Adding a blend of these different humor techniques is very good for articles and this is exactly what you need to do here, especially considering this is a sporked article. Secondly, your article is a very common article about things that I call "Home towns that people have never heard of". The thing is, it's easier to write about big cities that have interesting things about them, and that heaps of people know about. When you've got a town that's just a normal town, and that practically nobody has heard of, it's not easy to write an engaging text. That's probably why you've sporked this article. What you need to do here is build on your town's basic characteristics and wacky attributions. Your town has lots of churches and is a fishing town - you told us that in the intro. So how can you build on this? Take the fishing stuff, for example. Maybe one of the villagers caught the Kraken, and that's why it hasn't been seen for centuries? In the past, did they have a huge fishing company spanning the globe, and then one fire burnt down the main building and the shipping stopped? You've got to pick out special things about your place, and brainstorm some wacky ideas you can create from these. Then build on them! You can milk out heaps of information this way. Nairn sounds a bit like Narnia (you know, C. S. Lewis?). Maybe it is a sub-dimension of Narnia and it's inhabitants are actually all centaurs and talking animals?
Prose and formatting:	6	Your article is written well, and looks ok. There are a few spelling mistakes, however, and these happen to ruin the jokes that they are in. Do a spellcheck and search for these little mistakes - they really are a nuisance. But this section is pretty good. I'll point out a few things that will put up the looks of your article, though... Your infobox has a few glitches. You may want to ask an Admin or someone on how to fix these glitches, as I have no idea how to. BIG HEADINGS! Do not surround your headings with only one '=' on each side. Do two! These headings look better. Your hotel picture is a bit cramped underneath your infobox. Move it down, and maybe make it a little bigger. Get another picture, or maybe two! Er... that's all. You're article should look better now. At least a little.
Images:	5	You've got two images: a child's map and the hotel image, which is actually pretty good. Like I mentioned above, you could add some more pictures. Maybe one of the town itself? It's streets? Surrounding land? Fishing ports? People? Sport? As you can see, you have a large range here to pick from, so I think you could get some good pics.
Miscellaneous:	5.25	Averaged your scores.
Final Score:	26.25	So, your score is 26, without that annoying decimal. This is a decent article. There is heaps of space to improve, however, and most of that deals with the concept stuff I have said. With that out of the way, this article will be very solid and quite funny. I hope I helped!
Reviewer:	-- 10:40, August 26, 2010 (UTC)