Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Mutaween
Mutaween[edit source]
Oh! Dear! The Saudi Religious Police, Mutaween, are hardly a laughing matter! How to cheer them up?
- Called it! —Pelozurian (talk) 23:44, 10 April 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | Okay, as someone who admittedly hates the Islamic religion, I found this kinda funny, and you'll have to excuse me for a few biases in this review. You handled the subject, and you presented it fairly well, although there is still room for improvement. The main issue that I had with it was that it seemed to focus less on humor than, for lack of a better word, propaganda. Now, I use the term "propaganda" lightly, because I know that the information in the article is correct, but the way that you state it infers that you are trying a bit too hard to get a point across; the point being, I'm assuming, "Mutaween are evil, and this is what really happens in the Muslim world." I think you could lighten up on the numerous references to what the Mutaween have done to people, and try to make it a bit more rediculous for the sake of humor. For example, in your list of Sharia Crime and Punishment, you could remove some of the items and put something like, "Failure to listen to your parents is punishable by being forced to clean your room," or something of the like.
Another problem with the article is the "Religious Police to the Rescue" section and sub-sections. While one may get a small chuckle out of how ridiculous the Sharia Law's punishment crimes are, as it stands the section is too serious and overall not a funny section. My suggestion is, like above, make it more rediculous. People read Uncyclopedia to laugh, and while those stories are certainly laughable to someone who is a critic of Islam, a casual reader would want a less serious read to have more redeeming value. To summarize, while I enjoyed it as someone who dislikes Islam, you will have to lighten the tone a bit if you want to get laughs out of a casual reader who isn't looking for an article on what Sharia Law does to citizens in the Arab world. |
| Concept: | 6.5 | This is a sensitive subject to write about, as are many topics on this religion. The concept of Saudi religious police could be hilarious, if you can, like I said above, lighten the tone, and try to make it more accessable to the casual reader. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | You have a unique style of writing, much like how Ally boldfaces all of his image captions. I kinda like it, because it's what sets apart your work from everyone elses'. You don't have any spelling or grammar errors that I saw, though I might have missed something. |
| Images: | 8 | Your images are great, as they stay on topic with the article throughout without being too blatantly offensive, in my opinion. The only small issue was with the last picture; while it was funny seeing Mahmoud I-wanna-jihad kissing another dude, it seemed a bit oddly placed to me. You don't have to move it if it doesn't really go anywhere else, though. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 35.5 | You have a good article so far; just try to impliment the advice I gave you (lighten the tone ;)) and be more ridiculous; not to the point of being random and stupid, but enough to make it seem more like an article that isn't trying to expose the Saudi Arabian government for human rights violations or something. If you have any questions, click here. Good luck! I know you can do it. :) |
| Reviewer: | —Pelozurian (talk) 08:02, 11 April 2010 (UTC) | |