Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Mewtwo

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Mewtwo

S3ahawk 19:54, August 17, 2010 (UTC)

I'm feeling more confident as I pump out articles, but I feel as if I can satirize Mewtwo's story more than I already have. It's a brief article; that I am aware of. I'm open to ideas about what I could add; I'm pretty flexible and can work with a plethora of concepts.S3ahawk 19:54, August 17, 2010 (UTC)

Humour:	4	My usual initial comment: Please discount the number grades; I hate giving them and have little confidence in these numbers. Another specific comment: I know nothing about Pokemons or Scientology. Well, then. Articles like this often travel to VFD, accused of being ramble about a fantasy character. Let's prolong this one's life:
Concept:	8	The concept is great: a Pokemon character related to the Church of Scientology. But to develop the concept, it must actually relate to Scientology; the only link I can see (again, not knowing much about it) is the name of L. Ron Hubbard. When I am in this fix, I read the Wikipedia article and misstate it. For instance, what are the three tenets (or whatever) of Scientology, and how does Mewtwo relate to them? All you tell me is that he was too smart to actually believe the crap, and escaped from the hotel. That's not funny, it's just a slam; and having him part from Scientology so soon means you've discarded the concept. By the time we get to Mew and John Edwards (which you often misspell Edward), I feel you are groping for things to say and you have discarded the concept.
Prose and formatting:	8	You write well, but with a few encyclopedia clichés, trite phrases to artificially boost the scholarly feel. In the intro: "Many know it as" must become "It is". Later: Mewtwo "is thought to be". Separately, for a supposed encyclopedia article, it talks way too much about what someone thought, so "they decided to build" should become "they built".
Images:	5	Adequate number of good-quality images, but none funny in their own right.
Miscellaneous:	5	The final bit about Ground Zero, while in the news right now, might be good for an UnNews but will be cryptic when people read this in mainspace a year from now. The unanimity of Americans is obviously sarcasm, but it's unbelievable.
Final Score:	30	Where to go from here: Tell yourself again what you hoped to achieve at the outset, then work to make every sentence of the article achieve it. Don't branch out in too many directions without a reason. Above all, avoid pulling in random new ideas (Oxi-Clean on QVC?) unless they serve your purpose; too many of these and VFD voters will pan it as "randumbo." "Pump out articles," you say above? Stop pumping and go back and make this one hang together tight! Good luck!
Reviewer:	Spıke ¬ 11:27 18-Aug-10