Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lawn mowers (2nd time)

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Lawn mowers

-- 12:47, November 19, 2011 (UTC)

*Ahem* -- 16:49, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, give me a week, I hate deadlines! Mattsnow 18:03, January 12, 2012 (UTC)

Humour:	8	Hi bro, I really think this is one of the best article I read from you, in fact, I think it is the best. I just like this type of humor and it seems like you really worked a lot on it because the grammar is alright, the jokes are plentiful and the pics are great! So this Pee review will be kinda short with suggestions and such. Intro Gotta love the great false link that kicks off the article! The description of the lawn mower model is awesome too, maybe you could go in even greater details about specifications and the stats of the machine (max speed, number of blades, number of grass cut per minute, etc.). The invention of lawn mowers The section is just great and I can't think of anything to add. You, sir, have succeeded in shutting me up. Ninety-four years later I like it all too, maybe you could talk about various gadgets that can be added for a small charge on the modern lawn mower, like a cardiometer, something to hold your beer, self-heating handles for frisky days, etc. Also, the pop up pic is awesome, but you could add a joke or two after the "they sold millions", since it's a bit obvious that the Quancast idea doesn't go anywhere and is kind of an excuse to be able to put said pop-up image. I don't know, maybe you could say that Qualcast's CEO was so obsessed with developping the most powerful mower ever that he sadly killed himself while riding a prototype the company just developped and crashed at 150 miles per hour into a tree while mowing a huge field! LMAO The murder of Craftsman 21 HP* Automatic 46" Lawn Tractor I don't understand the false link with "there" at the beginning of the paragraph, you may want to clarify this since it may confuse the reader. And that's pretty much all I have to say about that paragraph, since it is great! I hope that sucker gets the death penalty lol.
Concept:	8.5	The concept is awesome, it reminds me of when we wrote mini-golf: taking a topic that is very ordinary and unexciting and making it seem like it's just exhilarating always works, and it certainly does there! You could even exaggerate more.
Prose and formatting:	7.5	The prose is very good, I didn't even detect a typo, there was only one place where I added a period (20$ please). I'll point out the few spots where there are some repetitions and stuff: Intro: You say twice in a short time "have you ever wondered", you should think of another way of saying it the second time. Less repetitions equals a text that flows better. The invention of lawn mowers: "Ah, 1827, the beginning" maybe "the origin" or "the year that saw the glorious birth of the lawn mower" would sound better. Also, I think this sentence could be said a lot better: "It is rumored that they made at least £75 off the 22" cut machines, but it was probably more." The murder of Craftsman 21 HP* Automatic 46" Lawn Tractor: "Lawn Tractor was doing what it was made to do" hmmm maybe it would be better to say "was doing what it does best"?? I don't think the false link here is funny enough to keep too. Formatting is fine, except as I said you could enlarge the first pic.
Images:	8	The pics are just awesome in my view, the only weak one is the 2nd one with the streets of Thrupp, although the caption is kinda funny, it doesn't strike me as having much to do with lawn mowers. But I admit it fits well with the lulzy section. All the other pic's captions are really funny, the first pic is a great example of turning an otherwise unfunny pic into something great! Also, the pop-up image is very good, the gore pic you had at first was kinda funny too, but a bit too... gory. Also, you could enlarge the first pic a bit, it is awesome and it won't be a problem if it crosses to the second section I think. The lawn mower burning at the end is just great!!
Miscellaneous:	8	How I'd rate the article.
Final Score:	40	I was about to say I'll nom it when you want, but I just saw that it is on VFH! Anyway, I hope the few suggestions I was able to come up with help, I can't wait to see how it does on VFH, that'll give me an idea if my opinion that it is awesome is shared! I am quite sure that this is the highest score I gave to an article! Please give me some feedback on my talkpage bro.
Reviewer:	Mattsnow 18:18, January 12, 2012 (UTC)